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The Death of Couchsurfing?

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Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#291

Post by CapricornNoble »

namdnay wrote: post #286
CapricornNoble wrote: post #285

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think he's arguing (and I would agree) that it is blatantly WITHIN the standards and norms for some dudes to complete ignore community mores and bend/break every rule imaginable to get laid. The risk is non-zero. At the individual level, everyone should acknowledge the risk, assess it, and implement control measures to reduce its potential impacts on you, personally. To fail to account for it is simply dangerously…

> If I'm going to mingle, I'd prefer to mingle with the locals rather than other foreigners I don't understand you here: that's the whole point of couchsurfing! You're staying with "real people", instead of yet another backpacker hostel

Sorry I kinda jumped subjects mid-post from Couchsurfing to backpacking, after reading some comments of how many CS guests are just trying to get a dirt-cheap roof over their head and don't interact much with their host. I don't recall many "local single woman hosting single guy" posts back in 2011-12 when I used CS anyway, not for places I was considering (Eastern Europe and SE Asia).

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#292

Post by globular-toast »

buttersbrian wrote: post #289
CapricornNoble wrote: post #285

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think he's arguing (and I would agree) that it is blatantly WITHIN the standards and norms for some dudes to complete ignore community mores and bend/break every rule imaginable to get laid. The risk is non-zero. At the individual level, everyone should acknowledge the risk, assess it, and implement control measures to reduce its potential impacts on you, personally. To fail to account for it is simply dangerously…

Yes, dudes are going to be creepy. The earth is round. Some will work outside the spirit of couchsurfing. Yourself included, to a degree. Ok. But he also was arguing, IIUC, that the sex for stay is implied for women. I get that people will use it that way, but implying that it is any sort of norm is a very perverted view of couchsurfing. One that I never experienced, or found to be normal from many people i've talked…

It's not creepy, it's how human babies are made.

I didn't mean it was sex for stay, just that for many people the whole experience was very much sexual. I mean, for crying out loud, it's a young, attractive woman going to stay at some dude's bachelor pad. Some people here must think women are so stupid. They know exactly what's going on.

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#293

Post by CapricornNoble »

buttersbrian wrote: post #289
CapricornNoble wrote: post #285

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think he's arguing (and I would agree) that it is blatantly WITHIN the standards and norms for some dudes to complete ignore community mores and bend/break every rule imaginable to get laid. The risk is non-zero. At the individual level, everyone should acknowledge the risk, assess it, and implement control measures to reduce its potential impacts on you, personally. To fail to account for it is simply dangerously…

Yes, dudes are going to be creepy. The earth is round. Some will work outside the spirit of couchsurfing. Yourself included, to a degree. Ok. But he also was arguing, IIUC, that the sex for stay is implied for women. I get that people will use it that way, but implying that it is any sort of norm is a very perverted view of couchsurfing. One that I never experienced, or found to be normal from many people i've talked…

>>>But he also was arguing, IIUC, that the sex for stay is implied for women.

Ok, I see the distinction you are making but....I think all women should operate under the assumption that if a man invites you into a private residence, for ANY reason, sex is on the menu. At least that way one is never (negatively) surprised. If I have daughters I think this is an important thing to drill into their heads. A guy says he wants to show you his collection of Warhammer 40,000 figures, at 1pm? You still won't be taken aback when he's suddenly pantsless.

>>>implying that it is any sort of norm is a very perverted view of couchsurfing. One that I never experienced, or found to be normal from many people i've talked to along the way.

I think my experience is just the opposite, but about 95% of my social circle is manwhores, the other 5% are males who aren't manwhores, but wish they were (a mix of younger, inexperienced officers or civilian IT/engineer guys). But this is why I'm on HN, to step outside of my bubble and exchange experiences with people with radically different backgrounds and perspectives.

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#294

Post by TeaDrunk »

globular-toast wrote: post #251
TeaDrunk wrote: post #246

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not going to lie the idea that some people I interact with think sex is always going to be on the table wigs me out. There’s a wide variety of libidos and sexualities among humans, many of which don’t operate in the manner being expressed above. (Eg. Demisexuality.)

Sure there is. But the vast majority of people have a normal sex drive. Every single person on earth is the result of a man and woman having sex. It's one of the single most important things in life for most people.

I don't genuinely know if it is the vast majority of people consider having a sexual encounter at all times whenever they interact with another human being.

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#295

Post by buttersbrian »

CapricornNoble wrote: post #293
buttersbrian wrote: post #289

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, dudes are going to be creepy. The earth is round. Some will work outside the spirit of couchsurfing. Yourself included, to a degree. Ok. But he also was arguing, IIUC, that the sex for stay is implied for women. I get that people will use it that way, but implying that it is any sort of norm is a very perverted view of couchsurfing. One that I never experienced, or found to be normal from many people i've talked…

>>>But he also was arguing, IIUC, that the sex for stay is implied for women. Ok, I see the distinction you are making but....I think all women should operate under the assumption that if a man invites you into a private residence, for ANY reason, sex is on the menu. At least that way one is never (negatively) surprised. If I have daughters I think this is an important thing to drill into their heads. A guy says he w…

LOL @ warhammer. I understand the sentiment, and the reason one might prepare one's daughter. I think that is healthy, in preparing them to deal life. But that doesn't mean it should be accepted, tacitly or otherwise.

>I think my experience is just the opposite, but about 95% of my social circle is manwhores

I get ya. Been there. I just feel we need to move from is implied consent. Couchsurfing and implying consent means the women either puts up with it (leveraged consent is ugly) or ends up on the streets. That is not good, and can be avoided if people are just more forward, even tactfully so. I suspect that this leverage is exactly why they choose the couchsurfing, and that mixed without transparency is ... eeesh, imo.

I'm not apart of the "tinder" generation per se, but I think the (at times gross) honesty is largely positive. People who scoff at the screen shots of people openly discussing sex are being prudish and don't understand that merely being transparent is a net positive.

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#296

Post by inimino »

valuearb wrote: post #277
inimino wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe a relative gets sick in a foreign country and you'd like to see them? Maybe you can't afford health care and you just get sick and die if you're in a first world democracy with American-class health care, or if you're in a civilized country, maybe they just treat you? I don't know, man, use your imagination.

In America hospitals and emergency rooms are required to treat you.

Then you are not "forced to shell out money" in such a case, yes?

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#297

Post by kaikai »

owenversteeg wrote: post #267
mnky9800n wrote: post #170

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Every woman I've met on couch surfing has been a victim of some kind of sexual harassment or violence due to someone they meet on couchsurfing. Basically they stay with a guy and he has expectations and is vocal if not forceful about it. Women would be surprised that I had a bed just for them, didn't expect them to sleep with me, didn't ask them for sex, etc. I hosted for two years living in Berlin. That being said I…

Wow! I've hosted a good bit and that's completely different from my experience. > Women would be surprised that I had a bed just for them It sounds like you were taking a lot of the desperate people on the site that aren't mostly in it for the cultural exchange but to save $5. Because here's the thing - everyone's profile has a section detailing what kind of room/bed the Couchsurfer will get. A "shared bed" is a red…

This comes across as victim-blaming. I'm glad it wasn't your experience, but that doesn't mean that other people weren't doing their homework.

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#298

Post by owenversteeg »

kaikai wrote: post #297
owenversteeg wrote: post #267

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow! I've hosted a good bit and that's completely different from my experience. > Women would be surprised that I had a bed just for them It sounds like you were taking a lot of the desperate people on the site that aren't mostly in it for the cultural exchange but to save $5. Because here's the thing - everyone's profile has a section detailing what kind of room/bed the Couchsurfer will get. A "shared bed" is a red…

This comes across as victim-blaming. I'm glad it wasn't your experience, but that doesn't mean that other people weren't doing their homework.

It's very frustrating to spend a lot of actual energy and time on trying to reduce sexual assault on platforms like this - only to get sniped for supposed "victim blaming" by an anonymous person on the internet because I didn't virtue signal hard enough.

You want a virtue signal? Here you go: sexual assault is the fault of the assaulter, not the assaulted.

Unlike most people passing by this thread, I have actual experience with this topic. I'm close to several women who have Couchsurfed solo, and I have hosted countless young women (men as well, of course.)

If a discussion about American gun deaths came up, it would not be victim blaming to explain the context and the source of most of these deaths.

My comment had several purposes. One was to explain the most common reason for sexual assault on the platform. Another was to help people getting into Couchsurfing. There will undoubtedly be a number of HN users joining Couchsurfing as part of this thread, and I wanted to pass along valuable safety information to any women among them.

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#299

Post by mycall »

owenversteeg wrote: post #45

So I imagine there's a lot of people here that don't know Couchsurfing or what the big deal is. Couchsurfing has been one of the most important things in my life, so I'll do my best to explain why it's so special. The basic idea is you stay at a stranger's place, or you host a stranger at yours - completely for free, no money involved. Everyone does it differently. Some people plan their trip meticulously months in a…

I was thinking about hosting on my boat too but I thought risky. Any pro tips?

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#300

Post by bigiain »

h0l0cube wrote: post #130
bigiain wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I have been to a festival in Australia (the predecessor to burning man) that is completely volunteer run. It's interesting to be a part of operations and see it work, and fail to some extent, and in meat-space the 'look after each other philosophy' can work when everybody is can watch each other. I'm curious about that (being an Australian and a Burner). Which festival? (if you're OK sharing. My email in my profile…

Surely you've heard of ConFest? Still going strong since the 70s. Started by Jim Cairns (the then ex-deputy to the ex-prime minister Gough Whitlam). The name is a portmanteau of 'conference festival'. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ConFest

Ahhh, right. I just hadn't ever heard it referred to as "the predecessor to burning man".

(And I've never been, Easter is BluesFest time for me...)

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