Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely • Hacker News Board

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#291

Post by quotemstr » Sat, Aug 04, 2018, 12:47 AM UTC

throwaway427 wrote: post #176

sxp62000 wrote: post #165

In NYC, where I live, I would never strike up a conversation with a random stranger. The first thought that crosses my mind is, "oh they're probably on their way to work", or "they seem busy on their phone", etc. Our smartphones, tablets, headphones definitely make us less approachable. But our attitudes towards work is also to blame. There is this culture of being busy in NYC all the time, it's almost as if people t…

I lived in NYC for ten years, bars are where you can talk to random strangers. I had hundreds of conversations and met many people that way.

I used to live next to a bar. A few times a week, I'd take my laptop down there, grab a beer, maybe order dinner, and code. Over a year or so of doing that, I think maybe two or three people attempted to strike up conversations. Now, that might be a side effect of working on a laptop, or it might be the famously insular Seattle culture, but it still feels like a very low rate of spontaneous personal connection.

Going by old movies at least, it seems like pre-information-age, you'd expect to see far more social interaction in a setting like that.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#292

Post by [deleted] » Sat, Aug 04, 2018, 12:58 AM UTC

steve_musk wrote: post #290

rainbowmverse wrote: post #277

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was out for a walk recently and overheard a group of kids talking, and the f word was present. Not only are things bad, the next generation seems to be the same. And that's with me being white and having the ability to pass as an ordinary dude most of the time. Trans women (especially of color) die every day , and that's just the ones who get reported on. Just as many get treated as "brawls gone wrong" or "tragic s…

I’m curious as to why you think kids using the f word means things are bad? Not trying to imply anything I’m genuinely curious.

[deleted]

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#293

Post by ironjunkie » Sat, Aug 04, 2018, 1:01 AM UTC

furi wrote: post #289

PopsiclePete wrote: post #271

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

I've said this on here before more or less, but here's the problem for me: If my girlfriend is approached by a man without due cause (such as asking for directions, trying to commission her to work on something, etc.), our immediate reaction is to assume he has sexual intent. The only difference being creepy makes is whether or not it's an assumption or a certainty. I don't like being perceived as though I have sexua…

Fully agree with you. I would put it more in the area of 50%, but this is exactly the point I am trying to make.

And as a guy, when you start a conversation with another stranger guy, none of this "Looking and feeling creepy" applies.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#294

Post by sxp62000 » Sat, Aug 04, 2018, 1:10 AM UTC

pnathan wrote: post #249

sxp62000 wrote: post #165

In NYC, where I live, I would never strike up a conversation with a random stranger. The first thought that crosses my mind is, "oh they're probably on their way to work", or "they seem busy on their phone", etc. Our smartphones, tablets, headphones definitely make us less approachable. But our attitudes towards work is also to blame. There is this culture of being busy in NYC all the time, it's almost as if people t…

When we visited NYC a few years ago, I thought NYC was one of the friendliest places in the USA I'd ever been. And I've been to the midwest, san francisco, the pacific NW, the southwest, and the DC area. We took the subway and the bus, walked here and there, looked lost every now and then... people offered to help periodically, happily chatted on the subway... it was extremely impressive and we definitely would be up…

The funny thing is when I'm on vacation, I find it much easier to strike up a conversation with strangers! Also, now that I think about it, when I'm walking around NYC with a camera around my neck (i like street photography), people approach me more often. I guess a derpy tourist is less intimidating hahah.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#295

Post by quxbar » Sat, Aug 04, 2018, 4:11 AM UTC

rifung wrote: post #83

Nav_Panel wrote: post #44

Incredible how the subtext here is "loneliness requires healthcare" rather than, say, "loneliness requires coordinated social change". Almost as if the goal is "how can we frame loneliness as an illness and reap some sweet insurance money."

I didn't interpret it that way at all. Considering the health issues caused by loneliness, it makes sense to me that doctors would want to do something about it, and what can they do but provide medical solutions?

I see it as the opposite - medical intervention is a last resort for doctors the way changing the codebase is a last resort for programmers.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#296

Post by jetblackio » Sat, Aug 04, 2018, 5:05 AM UTC

ironjunkie wrote: post #240

Rotdhizon wrote: post #9

I think a huge factor is the growing theme of social interaction being unacceptable. Back in the day you could walk up to and make friends with almost anyone, it wasn't weird to interact with strangers, thus making new acquaintances. Modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction, don't talk to people you don't know if you don't want to be ostracized. You could want to befriend someone in a crowd, but come up wi…

I think you hit the nail on the head. I would also add that the whole minefield of communicating with someone of the opposite sex, especially if you are a man. It seems that you have a high risk of being called up for harassment if you want to start a friendly conversation with a female as a male for example. This is a direct consequence of the whole metoo thing. Over the last 15 years, society has been more and more…

If you find this to be the case, then maybe you’re not being as polite / kind as you think. Because from my experience this simple is not the case. I’ve seen this argument made a few times and it’s pretty rubbish. You are free to talk to anyone of any sex if you treat them kindly, politely and with respect.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#297

Post by antod » Sat, Aug 04, 2018, 5:19 AM UTC

steve_musk wrote: post #290

rainbowmverse wrote: post #277

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was out for a walk recently and overheard a group of kids talking, and the f word was present. Not only are things bad, the next generation seems to be the same. And that's with me being white and having the ability to pass as an ordinary dude most of the time. Trans women (especially of color) die every day , and that's just the ones who get reported on. Just as many get treated as "brawls gone wrong" or "tragic s…

I’m curious as to why you think kids using the f word means things are bad? Not trying to imply anything I’m genuinely curious.

Possibly referring to a different f word than you might be thinking of. Eg I assumed it wasn't fuck.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#298

Post by jakegarelick » Sat, Aug 04, 2018, 7:07 AM UTC

eswat wrote: post #284

I see an article about this issue pop up every month or so. But what’s actually being done about it? Seems like the solutions are not catching up with the possible hurdles that get introduced.

Alcoholics Anonymous helps with this for alcoholics. Generally friendships have to be built on some shared interest or experience, so I think it would be hard to create a solution for the general population.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#299

Post by mendelsd » Sat, Aug 04, 2018, 7:13 AM UTC

Loneliness, in my experience, can be a symptom rather than a problem in and of itself.

I define my past loneliness as: Negative feelings, fed by:

- feeling bad in the first instance

- feeling powerless to improve my state

- feeling that others could improve my state, if only they would show sufficient interest in me

Gaining power to work on why I was feeling bad in the first instance (through health and lifestyle interventions) has had several effects over the years:

- it has improved my state so that I mostly feel good

- it has taught me many valuable things to share with others

The social aspect of my life has radically changed:

- I feel less dependent on others to feel good

- I have many things to share with others and enjoy sharing it

- My attitude and knowledge attracts others

- I am mentally/emotionally stable enough to withstand the ambiguities and stresses that relationships tend to give rise to

I don't claim to have solved loneliness, but I have solved my loneliness and I hope some will be helped by this insight.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#300

Post by Broken_Hippo » Sat, Aug 04, 2018, 7:41 AM UTC

steve_musk wrote: post #290

rainbowmverse wrote: post #277

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was out for a walk recently and overheard a group of kids talking, and the f word was present. Not only are things bad, the next generation seems to be the same. And that's with me being white and having the ability to pass as an ordinary dude most of the time. Trans women (especially of color) die every day , and that's just the ones who get reported on. Just as many get treated as "brawls gone wrong" or "tragic s…

I’m curious as to why you think kids using the f word means things are bad? Not trying to imply anything I’m genuinely curious.

When folks are calling others slurs and insults based on sexuality, there is still a lot of taboo around it. If it isn't bad to be part of the LGBT community, it is harder to use any of the words describing folks like me as insults. It is in the same strand as using nationality or skin color references as insults: If it isn't a bad thing, you won't use the insult. Of course, you could be ignorant - especially at a young age, but that also means no one has bothered to explain what it means nor encouraged to be inclusive. They definitely weren't talking about the word "fuck" in any of its forms.