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How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

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Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#281

Post by SoftTalker »

syntheticnature wrote: post #271
scubbo wrote: post #248

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> - if you must ask questions, convince yourself you must not, just figure it out instead God, this one hurts. In the first couple months at my new role (which I intentionally chose to be one that would stretch and challenge me as I'm looking for some professional growth), a senior member of my team expressed the view that he'd rather someone spend three days researching than ask him a thirty-second question. When I…

3 days? Wow. Can't say I think much of this senior member of your team, who seems to be the anti-social one here. I'm sure it breaks flow for them, but a big part of being senior is amplifying the best in those less so, and helping them improve. 3 minutes, 30 minutes, sure, I've discovered a lot of junior folks would figure things out on their own when I couldn't get back to them immediately, and tended to add some d…

Pre-internet/stackoverflow, pre-AI... I'd easily spend 3 days working out how to solve a problem that I hadn't seen before. Asking others generally didn't help anyway because they hadn't seen it either. So, if that was the formative experience of the senior person, I could understand where that attiude was coming from.

Today, yeah 3 days is a long time to spend researching and spinning your wheels. But it's still the best way to learn.

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#282

Post by cooper_ganglia »

demux wrote: post #276
cooper_ganglia wrote: post #258

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That Bluesky comment snuck up on me and got a good laugh from me! You mean the fine folks over at Bluesky, the social media network built around isolation, intolerance, and refusing to listen to other’s POV, exhibit these same character flaws?! Who’d’ve thunk? :)

Yeah the social media built on an open protocol where data is interoperable across apps isn't quite isolated

Ideologically isolated, obviously.

The basis for its existence is to supply a platform for people who want to isolate from ideas and narratives they find uncomfortable, so they self-select into echo chambers that cater to their preexisting ideologies. That's their whole business model!

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#283

Post by klik99 »

sigbottle wrote: post #263
poemxo wrote: post #194

I am guessing the author is either criticizing people who are anti-social (in the pop culture definition) or believes he was before and after some thinking arrived at the conclusion that antisociety was not the way. But I don't feel it describes my internal motivations, so I've translated them to my behaviors: - if someone is confusing or upsetting you, assume it is your fault - interpret others' actions in the conte…

I developed from a very early age a sort of "always assume the worst about yourself" mentality. I think part of it was influenced by social media (I was a tween debatelord). Part of it was self improvement (only focus on yourself! get ahead! never blame the enviornment!). Part of it was genuinely depressing things in my life. As an example, I was obsessed with "finding my passion" at some point. Looking back, I was l…

Apropos of nothing, “I was a tween debatelord” sounds like a b-movie title

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#284

Post by Sardtok »

poemxo wrote: post #194

I am guessing the author is either criticizing people who are anti-social (in the pop culture definition) or believes he was before and after some thinking arrived at the conclusion that antisociety was not the way. But I don't feel it describes my internal motivations, so I've translated them to my behaviors: - if someone is confusing or upsetting you, assume it is your fault - interpret others' actions in the conte…

I think you are mixing up asocial and anti-social. Anti-social basically means you don't care how others feel, their rights and social norms. Asocial means you don't want to engage socially.

And I'm pretty sure you are describing yourself as someone with an inferiority complex and social anxiety.

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#285

Post by SoftTalker »

legacynl wrote: post #167
SkyeCA wrote: post #141

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> and the tragedy is that every mistake they make compounds this This is correct and I'm convinced there comes a point where there's no way out. The vast majority of social experiences in my life have been negative and it gets worse every time I have another, making it less likely the next will be positive. Rather than continue to get hurt I have nearly 100% socially isolated myself, save for the internet. I work rem…

> This is correct and I'm convinced there comes a point where there's no way out. My friend, things can always improve. Having mental health problems is hard, because you're ultimately using your own 'impaired' brain to analyze your own situation. Talking to a therapist is effective in breaking this, because it forces you to organize your thoughts into something coherent to explain it to your therapist. Only at this…

Some people are just happiest being alone. I usually feel I am in this camp. I can have reasonably good social interactions but it's often awkward and even when it's not it is a lot of work and it doesn't seem commensurate with the reward, which is very little.

I like staying at home, reading, tinkering, doing my hobbies. I do not crave the company of others, and walking into a room and having to be "on" even with people I know and am friendly with is so draining.

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#286

Post by appreciatorBus »

appreciatorBus wrote: post #160
em-bee wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

yes, but that means that hope is not lost yet. for me, all hope is lost when people stop listening if i said something they disagree with, even if i follow up with something they do agree with (which is usually my tactic in this case, find common ground, and then expand from there). to be social with people who disagree requires both sides to want to continue the conversation. both sides need to believe that having t…

You can also simply chose not to talk about controversial topics where you suspect such deep disagreements might lie. In my experience the only way to really connect across those divides is to first have a long history, months or years, of productive and positive social interaction. But you don’t get control how others think and feel, even if by some theoretical measure, your position is “right”. So even under the be…

lol I meant 'accept and respect that others think differently' 'resist' is not gonna work

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#287

Post by SoftTalker »

asdfman123 wrote: post #231
slowmover wrote: post #154

"dig in your heels when confronted with overwhelming dissent" Sorry, sticking to this one. Call me anti-social if you want, but facing overwhelming dissent may indicate you're the lone free-thinker in an echo chamber. Being that one guy who's always prodding the hivemind with a pokey stick has value in my opinion (though you will end up getting stung on occasion).

The more important question isn't "are you correct," it's "does it matter to be correct right now?" Maybe you do actually know better than everyone else, but why do you have to prove it to others? You can just quietly make your argument and shut up. It's their loss, and people may remember that you were right. Maybe it's about an important decision at work, but if your correctness pisses everyone off, no one is going…

> You can just quietly make your argument and shut up.

This is generally the right approach, unless you're on the hook for the consequences of whatever the group decides. Continuing to argue a point that you've already made isn't likely to change any minds that weren't open to it the first time you said it. I think that's even in the HN guidelines.

If you're the one responsible for a decision, listen to what others have to say but if you still feel strongly that your contrary view is correct then go with that and live with the responsibility.

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#288

Post by notthemessiah »

cooper_ganglia wrote: post #258
notthemessiah wrote: post #241

the author wrote this in the Leaflet comments sections: """ through some upsetting turn of events, someone put this on hackernews and started a piranha feeding frenzy of speculation about what / who im referring to here. so just to be clear: i wrote this bulleted list in a couple minutes as a way to rant about the lack of charity i was noticing in 2 places - my family, where 2 members aren't speaking to each other fo…

That Bluesky comment snuck up on me and got a good laugh from me! You mean the fine folks over at Bluesky, the social media network built around isolation, intolerance, and refusing to listen to other’s POV, exhibit these same character flaws?! Who’d’ve thunk? :)

Your comment amounts to "so much for the tolerant left", and you seem to be projecting qualities of Twitter (under current management) onto Bluesky.

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#289

Post by kitsune1 »

poemxo wrote: post #194

I am guessing the author is either criticizing people who are anti-social (in the pop culture definition) or believes he was before and after some thinking arrived at the conclusion that antisociety was not the way. But I don't feel it describes my internal motivations, so I've translated them to my behaviors: - if someone is confusing or upsetting you, assume it is your fault - interpret others' actions in the conte…

[dead]

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#290

Post by notthemessiah »

cooper_ganglia wrote: post #282
demux wrote: post #276

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah the social media built on an open protocol where data is interoperable across apps isn't quite isolated

Ideologically isolated, obviously. The basis for its existence is to supply a platform for people who want to isolate from ideas and narratives they find uncomfortable, so they self-select into echo chambers that cater to their preexisting ideologies. That's their whole business model!

> platform for people who want to isolate from ideas and narratives they find uncomfortable

Ahh, like how if you say the word "cis" on Twitter, you get banned because the idea that gender is not binary is an idea that the owner of Twitter finds uncomfortable wants to isolate the audience from. So he promotes his own tweets, shoehorns it into peoples feeds and notifications, in order to create an ideological echo chamber. Like that?

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