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Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

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Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#281

Post by chasd00 »

FrustratedMonky wrote: post #247
ecshafer wrote: post #45

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

Sounds like a lot of work. Isn't there an app where I can just order a temporary friend for a few hours. Uber Friend.

> Isn't there an app where I can just order a temporary friend for a few hours

there's two. Only Fans and making an appointment with a therapist (basically a professional listener/friend educated in helping you help yourself).

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#282

Post by StevePerkins »

kevin061 wrote: post #219

I don't think this will ever be resolved. It's a twofold problem, I believe. People are lonely because of fear of rejection and also actively avoid new people out of caution and high standards. So two people who are otherwise lonely will make no effort to connect. I think social networks have done a tremendous amount of damage to our collective psyche. Because on the web, you can single-click permanently block someon…

Is that REALLY a lot of power, though? Reddit is quasi-anonymous, how "isolated" are you when you can create a different account in seconds?

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#283

Post by 9rx »

rootusrootus wrote: post #116
csours wrote: post #48

I don't have a full answer, but a couple thoughts: 1. Volunteer. Somewhere, anywhere, for a good cause, for a selfish cause. Somebody will be happy to see you. 2. Stop trolling ourselves. As far as I can tell, all of the mass social media is trending sharply towards being a 100% troll mill. The things people say on social media do not reflect genuine beliefs of any significant percentage of the population, but if we…

> the mass social media is trending sharply towards being a 100% troll mill I agree. It's one reason I still come to HN and it's one of the few places I bother to comment (and the only place with more than a few dozen users). The moderation and community culture against trolling makes it a generally positive experience. I do still need breaks sometimes, though, for a few months at a time. I'd love an online community…

> I'd love an online community where everyone was having discussions only in good faith.

That's already readily available outside. The whole appeal of online 'communities' is that it is not that.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#284

Post by LorenPechtel »

kevin061 wrote: post #219

I don't think this will ever be resolved. It's a twofold problem, I believe. People are lonely because of fear of rejection and also actively avoid new people out of caution and high standards. So two people who are otherwise lonely will make no effort to connect. I think social networks have done a tremendous amount of damage to our collective psyche. Because on the web, you can single-click permanently block someon…

I do believe high standards are behind a lot of the dating issues. Dating pools are so large that people hold out for the right combination of the things they find desirable--except they're never going to find that because they don't have exactly the right combination to attract that "perfect" match.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#285

Post by dfabulich »

ecshafer wrote: post #45

People need to purposefully and intentionally do things. Sitting home on an app, watching TV is easy. There is no fear or rejection, there is no work to get out of the house, there is no risk. But there is also no reward. My thoughts on this are you need to have multiple roots into your community. This is something that you go to often and talk to people, become a regular, say hi. Think back to how your parents or gr…

This is answering the wrong question.

You're answering the question, "In a loneliness epidemic, what can I do to be less lonely?" Your answer is to use self discipline (which is hard) to get out of your house consistently, a decent answer to that question.

To actually fix the loneliness epidemic, you'd have to get everyone else to do that.

In the 20th century, getting out of the house consistently was the easiest way to interact with other people. Now, you can interact with lots of other people (in a less satisfying way) without leaving your house. What's going to fix that?

How do we get everyone to eat better? How do we get everyone to get enough sleep? How do we get everyone to exercise more? "Just tell them to do it" won't work. "Why don't we all just put our phones away?" won't work. We'd need a policy.

(My best guess: in the US, mandate that health insurers pay for therapy, and provide therapy at low/no cost in countries with national health care.)

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#286

Post by hombre_fatal »

Spending time in parts of Latin America or western Europe or east Asia and then coming back to the US, you can see a lot of ways in which we've built loneliness into the fabric of US culture.

It goes beyond car culture. It's probably illegal to build a cafe within walking distance of your neighborhood or into the first floor of your apartment complex.

Americans get an idea of how bad we have it when we go on vacation, but we don't see it as something that can be built at home.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#288

Post by jhwhite »

LifeKit did an episode on this recently. https://www.npr.org/2026/01/06/nx-s1-5667582/how-to-build-a-...

Some things I do: I organize a monthly brunch for friends. I try and grow it, invite people I've recently met.

If someone asks me to do something, I try and do it. Get invited to poker night, I'm there. Asked to play Fantasy Football, yep! Even though I don't watch football and have never played.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#289

Post by draugadrotten »

naveen99 wrote: post #241

loneliness is not really transmissible like an epidemic. If two lonely people get together, they aren’t lonely anymore.

It is very possible to be extremely lonely in a room full of people.

People are uncomfortable to interact and make small talk. They know smileys and lmao, but many have forgotten how to laugh irl.

Re: Ask HN: How can we solve the loneliness epidemic?

#290

Post by vharuck »

titanomachy wrote: post #25
publicdebates wrote: post #2

I'm also in this group, so I have a few theories as to what causes it and how to fix it. For one thing, I was severely traumatized as a kid, which delayed a lot of my social skills. I'm catching up but not all the way there yet. When my social battery is full, I can do pretty well, but if I'm even a little down, it's basically impossible to act normally. I also had it hammered into me as a kid that nobody wants me ar…

I like this poster thing. Anything that gives people a little connection to those around them. I sometimes sit on my front step and play guitar. 9/10 people ignore me but usually I'll have one or two nice conversations with a neighbor, and have made a couple friends this way. It helps that I live in a dense walkable place with lots of people who are similar to me.

I've done sidewalk art with my kid. Between Spring and Fall last year, I'd make a new drawing every time it rained. Rarely was there a day without chalk on my sidewalk.

I did it to play with my kid (and learn a little Japanese by writing the title in kanji), but another outcome was talking to neighbors. I keep to myself and have been told I'm difficult to approach, but people often come up and compliment the drawings. One lady said that, when walking with her granddaughter, she makes sure to see what's new on my sidewalk. It's been a very "low risk" way to put myself out there. I draw without anyone looking, and chatty people come to me while I'm in the yard.

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