What really happens inside a dating app • Hacker News Board

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#281

Post by jazz9k » Wed, Feb 05, 2025, 2:17 PM UTC

torben-friis wrote: post #225

thr0w wrote: post #111

Funny thing is that when dating apps used to be "browse profiles, send message", nobody had to debate inner workings. Users could self select people of interest, send them a message directly, and know there'd be a very good chance that their profile/message would at least be seen. Issue today is that apps control visibility, both in terms of profiles and likes. I've tried Hinge a few times. Did like a 4 month initial…

The past you mention was awful for women, because social dynamics meant their profiles were being hit with a constant DDOS. That in turn made demographics very skewed, which made the problem worse. In fact I'd say being able to balance this gender imbalance is THE issue to solve for modern apps. Everything including monetization models is built around that.

"The past you mention was awful for women, because social dynamics meant their profiles were being hit with a constant DDOS."

Many women I know loved the attention and having the ability to choose.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#282

Post by naveen99 » Wed, Feb 05, 2025, 2:24 PM UTC

wutwutwat wrote: post #278

Dating apps are nothing more than window shopping. The lowest effort, most shallow, unlimited options buffet of meat sacks to choose from. When you have unlimited options, and a potentially better one is just a swipe away, people become disposable. Fuck or not fuck. Hot or not. Bang or pass. Where in the past someone might tolerate an insignificant quirk someone has, nowadays such a thing is often all that it takes t…

Make me laugh is just a proxy for iq.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#283

Post by halfmatthalfcat » Wed, Feb 05, 2025, 2:25 PM UTC

top_coder wrote: post #268

Stratoscope wrote: post #247

My best dating apps lately have been Trader Joe's and Ducky's Car Wash. I wear aloha shirts every day, and nearly every time I go to TJ's, someone asks me where they can find a particular item. It may be a guy or a gal, but I am always happy to help a neighbor find what they need. That is not the reason I wear aloha shirts. I just love these shirts! Every spring I get the Cooke Street shirts at Costco, one of each ne…

Ok I understood the Aloha shirt —> people thinking you’re a TJ employee —> asking for help connections. I feel there is quite a gap between here —-> getting a date. How does that work?

You start vibing and based on vibes you ask them whether you wanna grab coffee/a drink sometime soon, exchange numbers, smile and continue shopping.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#284

Post by bradlys » Wed, Feb 05, 2025, 2:29 PM UTC

cultofmetatron wrote: post #251

lmm wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They probably are literally involuntarily celibate. Women in the west are choosing, quite reasonably, to hook up with the top 20% of men and ignore the rest. I'm not saying that as a blame thing - I don't blame them, I might make the same choice in their position. But the result is that the bottom 80% of men have practically no options - and no, lowering their standards doesn't help, it's not a problem of having pote…

> Women in the west are choosing, quite reasonably, to hook up with the top 20% of men and ignore the rest. Ive been living abroad the past few years and it was night and day. in america, intimacy was a rare thing. outside the country, I've had zero issues finding partners who I find extremely attractive. Some of my well meaning friends back home warn me that they are "only interested in money" but I've never spent m…

This kind of advice only works if you’re not interested in a woman who works. You’re not going to be getting an ambitious woman from abroad and bringing her back to the US. Most of those women would already be in the US if they were interested in such a path to begin with.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#285

Post by bradlys » Wed, Feb 05, 2025, 2:33 PM UTC

jazz9k wrote: post #280

smelendez wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think Hinge was better when it was new. Probably people who try a new, non-sleazy dating app early on are more serious about meeting someone and more active, so you get more and better matches. One problem I’ve realized lately is that a lot of people are on dating apps because they feel like they have to be to meet someone, but they don’t actually enjoy chatting online and may not even be very good at it. Apps prob…

I ran into the opposite a decade ago when I used dating sites. Many women would just be happy chatting forever through text or email to fill an emotional need and never want to meet in person (they could have been cheating, exploring, etc). I would have a 2-week rule: If we didn't meet in person (or setup something in the future) within 2 weeks, I would move on. This helped filter out the people that weren't interest…

Two weeks is a really long time. You should’ve cut that down to 3 days. You’re right about there being a lot of women on these platforms who just use it as a validation and emotional need tool. It’s probably most of the interactions men have on the app since these women would be prolific on them and clearly spend more time on the app than women who want to immediately meetup and get into a relationship.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#286

Post by parliament32 » Wed, Feb 05, 2025, 2:40 PM UTC

4gotunameagain wrote: post #199

parliament32 wrote: post #59

My anecdotal user-end data-science-ish story about dating apps: A few years back I was single and on Hinge a fair amount. If you used Hinge back then, you'll remember some key differences between the platform and other dating apps: 1) when you "like"'d someone, you'd have to comment on a specific part of their profile (a photo, a prompt answer, etc), 2) these likes showed up in their inbox, independent of whether the…

Funny, thank you for sharing. I wonder what the relationship with girl's age is. I would imagine there are huge differences between let's say 20,25,30 and 35+. Did you happen to group by age bucket ?!

I did not, because I filter on pretty strict ranges ("half your age plus seven" was my lower bound, my age was the upper bound). Not enough of a spread there to get any interesting statistics.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#287

Post by C0d3G4rd » Wed, Feb 05, 2025, 2:42 PM UTC

naveen99 wrote: post #282

wutwutwat wrote: post #278

Dating apps are nothing more than window shopping. The lowest effort, most shallow, unlimited options buffet of meat sacks to choose from. When you have unlimited options, and a potentially better one is just a swipe away, people become disposable. Fuck or not fuck. Hot or not. Bang or pass. Where in the past someone might tolerate an insignificant quirk someone has, nowadays such a thing is often all that it takes t…

Make me laugh is just a proxy for iq.

Not being on the apps is a proxy for iq

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#288

Post by cultofmetatron » Wed, Feb 05, 2025, 2:52 PM UTC

bradlys wrote: post #284

cultofmetatron wrote: post #251

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Women in the west are choosing, quite reasonably, to hook up with the top 20% of men and ignore the rest. Ive been living abroad the past few years and it was night and day. in america, intimacy was a rare thing. outside the country, I've had zero issues finding partners who I find extremely attractive. Some of my well meaning friends back home warn me that they are "only interested in money" but I've never spent m…

This kind of advice only works if you’re not interested in a woman who works. You’re not going to be getting an ambitious woman from abroad and bringing her back to the US. Most of those women would already be in the US if they were interested in such a path to begin with.

> This kind of advice only works if you’re not interested in a woman who works.

Personally, I don't want a woman that works because I travel and I'd rather she travel fulltime with me. However, in my experience, latinas and asians are some of the hardest working women you'll ever meet. They seek out education and a lot of them want careers. they just arent' super entrepreneurial. Thats more about the culture they come though. people in the third world get drilled into their heads the importance of getting the right certifications. Once you get that shrink wrap off, you'd be surprised how many do start thinking about starting their own businesses.

> Most of those women would already be in the US if they were interested in such a path to begin with.

I couldn't disagree more. most latin people dont' wanna come to the united states. they value family and community more. Besides, the united states is notoriously difficult to come in legally. I'm trying to get my gf a visa and the application process requires a full interview, a year of waiting AND a nonrefundable fee. its not a surprise to me at all that people try to come in illegally.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#289

Post by [deleted] » Wed, Feb 05, 2025, 3:03 PM UTC

thaumasiotes wrote: post #83

ramoz wrote: post #2

> To me, if you are a guy on a dating app and your pictures are not taken by a professional photographer then you are losing your time, and if you are paying you are also throwing your money. Don't do this. You need good pictures that convey attractiveness (looks, as well as personality). Using professional photos conveys neediness & a level of desperation hidden under a shell of an ego the shot tries to portray. So…

>> To me, if you are a guy on a dating app and your pictures are not taken by a professional photographer then you are losing your time, and if you are paying you are also throwing your money. > Don't do this. > pay a photographer for canned real shots (nothing highly edited). So, instead of having my pictures taken by a professional photographer, you recommend that I pay a professional photographer to take my pictur…

[deleted]

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#290

Post by xutopia » Wed, Feb 05, 2025, 3:23 PM UTC

Workaccount2 wrote: post #3

The data here falls in line with the infamous OKcupid study (which got cancelled and taken down because men and women are identical, donchaknow?) The takeaway is that humans best date by meeting people in person through mutual acquaintances. Without the forced direct social interaction, women are only interested in the top 10% of guys, and guys are just aimlessly running at anything that moves regardless of their act…

The blog post wasn't taken down because of DEI reasons like you imply. Match group acquired the company and the blog post which can be still be found online said that you shouldn't pay for a dating site because of how ineffective they are.