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Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

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Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#281

Post by mrguyorama »

anon291 wrote: post #149
otterley wrote: post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is a bullshit theory with zero evidence or science behind it. I’m on my second marriage now, am about as far from a virgin as the earth is from the sun, and I’m as happy as can be and utterly devoted to and blissfully in love with my wife. Listen, I know you’re probably having difficulty finding a romantic relationship and I know how demoralizing and depressing that can be. I’ve been there - my teens and twentie…

> I’m on my second marriage now I think you're unknowingly proving his point.

My mother and father are both twice divorced, and only now late in life have found enormously happy relationships, like, relationships they never thought were possible after the first marriage, and indeed, now that the stress of trying to collectively but not really raise three kids is gone, my mother and father are kind of friends, and my mother adores the lady my father is about to be married to.

The fact of the matter is, a previous relationship failing doesn't have to mean anything. You can grow as a person, fix previous faults, learn how to interact with people who you don't 100% mesh with. As most things in life, it matters the effort you put into it, and then you can always get very lucky.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#282

Post by anon291 »

giantg2 wrote: post #220
nxm wrote: post #214

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A woman’s biological reproductive system starts declining after around 30 if I recall correctly

Yeah, but in general it's not enough to impact having 2 kids. If getting pregnant for the first time at 30, you could wait the recommended 18 months between kids and still have two without it being a geriatric pregnancy. You don't need to start at 18 to have 2 kids.

That's not how pregnancy works. It can take quite a while to get pregnant. it's a bell curve. Certainly, a lot of couples will have another, but if you want to have another with a good chance of success (>90%), you have to start younger.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#283

Post by rpmisms »

anon291 wrote: post #276
rpmisms wrote: post #191

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't take my platonic friends to the nice French steakhouse downtown, though. Is going to Waffle House because you're hungry a date, or is it going to Waffle House because you're hungry?

> I don't take my platonic friends to the nice French steakhouse downtown, though. Why not?

Because it sends the wrong message. You take a significant other there for special occasions, or you take a date there if you're really interested/really want to get laid.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#284

Post by rhino369 »

Veen wrote: post #241
dragonwriter wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You’ve just described exactly what “dating” in the American sense means, so it seems the only thing you have a problem with is the word to describe the overall process.

It seems to me a different experience to what I've seen in American movies or observed with American friends. There's less formality and expectation. There's no progression from first date to second date and so on. You start the "dating" part once you're pretty sure you really want to spend time with someone, i.e. you're fairly confident it's a relationship that's going somewhere before you start "dating". It's less…

Americans have both kinds of dating. The more formalized date progression is usually for older people and for people who don't know each other organically from social circles. But I'd guess most couples meet in social circles and sort of pair off when they decide its going somewhere.

Movies and TV focus on the formal stuff because its a better source of comedy/drama.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#285

Post by kirubakaran »

spacemadness wrote: post #201
monological wrote: post #189

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Dating in the west almost feels like an interview these days, at least in the Bay Area. “So where do you see yourself in 5-10 years”? What’s next, you going to ask me to invert a binary tree?

Everyone needs to make sure you are beyond gainfully employed so they can live some semblance of a normal life if you both decide to stick around the bay.

https://faangshaadi.com/

I want to believe it's satire, but then there's Poe's Law...

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#286

Post by fristechill »

commandlinefan wrote: post #170
fristechill wrote: post #37

Equally disturbing is the fact that many married men are being encouraged to participate in a permanent state of ersatz courtship known as 'date nights'. What's the point of getting married if you still have to go on dates? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mm1HgQbXFEE

I mean, dude... if you're married to somebody you don't want to spend any time with - you might be married to the wrong person.

Yes I agree. I'm totally in favour of married life and family life. However calling something by a name isn't necessarily the same as what the name superficially implies.

At the very least it's an interesting cultural phenomenon if 'dates' are transmuting from something people are supposed to do before they get married, in order to get married, into something they're supposed do after marriage.

Clearly 'date night' is more important to people than I knew. Partly for this reason, I doubt it will be sufficient to save or maintain marriage, the institution, beyond a generation or two. It reminds me of the concept of quality time which was introduced in the 70s/80s at the same time as divorce was skyrocketing and children were being increasingly neglected. Yet who can gainsay it? Who doesn't want more 'quality time'?

It's very sad and I'm sorry to have brought it up.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#287

Post by unsupp0rted »

somecommit wrote: post #247
monological wrote: post #189

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Dating in the west almost feels like an interview these days, at least in the Bay Area. “So where do you see yourself in 5-10 years”? What’s next, you going to ask me to invert a binary tree?

I mean, making a woman truly happy will be more challenging than inverting binary trees anyway.

I used to think my goal was making a woman truly happy but now my goal is making myself truly happy and it would be nice if a woman who is trying to make herself truly happy were along for the ride.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#288

Post by francisofascii »

monological wrote: post #189
DoingIsLearning wrote: post #68

Controversial opinion: The concept of a 'date' is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures. If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ 'date', the implication alone would question her 'virtue'/intentions. One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I hon…

Dating in the west almost feels like an interview these days, at least in the Bay Area. “So where do you see yourself in 5-10 years”? What’s next, you going to ask me to invert a binary tree?

That's hilarious. But to be fair, if you are looking partners who want kids in the Bay Area, you better know how to invert a binary tree to land that FANNG job. :)

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#289

Post by metadat »

unsupp0rted wrote: post #287
somecommit wrote: post #247

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I mean, making a woman truly happy will be more challenging than inverting binary trees anyway.

I used to think my goal was making a woman truly happy but now my goal is making myself truly happy and it would be nice if a woman who is trying to make herself truly happy were along for the ride.

Spoiler alert: Good relationships involve both parties contributing 100%.

Re: Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

#290

Post by marcyb5st »

aquadoggy wrote: post #161
marcyb5st wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe there's something that you don't make you look as an attractive partner? Lack of self confidence when it comes to interactions with the other sex? Social awkwardness? Lack of self care? Anyway, your first line is just sad. Yeah, they are having sex with other men, but is your ego so fragile that the idea of a woman having one or more comparison points scares you?

I know the first line is sad. I am trying to find a healthier way to view the situation. A lot of my best friends are women. Recently I went through a major accomplishment. I had five women friends text me to congratulate me. I feel that I dress well, and I am a physically fit marathon-running, motorcycle-riding, outdoorsman. Social awkwardness yes but I think it comes across as being sincere. This is my unhealthy mi…

Then find circles where people with the same mindset gravitate. For me it's the climbing gym and/or dating apps (they might not be the best but a necessary evil, especially considering how much time we spend working). For people with religious upbringing I have no idea honestly.

Anyway, I am sorry to hear about your struggle, and is something I am having troubles relating to since I grew up in a colture/family that is very open about sex.

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