281–290 of 350 posts
You are young, go to college (take all the student loans you need to stay on campus) and get a solid degree that you can do something with when you graduate, Computers, engineering, etc. Join a fraternity, make some of the best friends you will ever have in your life, drink some beer and enjoy life for a few years.
We all make mistakes, it's how we rebound from them that defines us.
Best of luck. You can do it!
Peter
Either your father and your friends are complete assholes, or your depression is causing you to interpret things in the worst possible way. Odds are that your father and friends really love you and want you to succeed. They may not express this well, and you're probably pulling further inward in your depression. When the fog of depression lifts, you'll see the world and your options much more clearly.
What doesn't make it any easier is that I'm 20, I have no college diploma, no high school diploma, no idea what the fuck is going on.
Oh, dude, you're actually in a great position! You're young, and college loans are still quite easy to come by!
Here is your plan:
1) Get some help for your depression. You don't have time for therapy right now, just go for the drugs.
2) See what financing options are available to you. Financial aid? Loans? What schools can you potentially get yourself into? People will tell you that a loan for school is a mistake, but if you go into a technical, reasonably difficult field, this is simply not true.
3) Go to school. Get your degree. You will almost certainly emerge into a better economy, and you'll have a pretty good time doing it.
Remember, in getting through this situation, you are becoming a stronger and more resilient person. In one year, you'll have a greater appreciation for your life, and of what you are capable of enduring.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Many of these folks will take corporate jobs, or law jobs, and lead lives of reasonably well-compensated misery. None of them will be paid nearly what his lost days and months and years are actually worth; this is felt intangibly, in the back of his mind, like a dull pain whose cause he can't quite pin down. Very poignant and well written. If you had a blog, I'd read it. OP: "Friends" who can't respect the stones it…
"If you had a blog, I'd read it." Thank you! Blog possibly to come. Actually, a lot more writing to come. (Speaking of hare-brained leaps of faith to follow our callings, I'm actually working on a novel right now). " OP: "Friends" who can't respect the stones it takes to quit your job and seek your true calling, and furthermore, who insult instead of supporting you emotionally when the shit hits the fan - well, they…
Funny tidbit, the original version of my post was something along the lines of "If you wrote, a book, that snippet would make me want to read it." So yeah, make sure you post to HN, or shoot me a tweet or whatever (@jessegumm) when it's done. You've piqued my interest.
if you step out of the box to do your own thing, all of your friends are secretly going to think you're a little nuts.
Agreed, but that's no excuse to berate a you, at least if they wish to be considered a friend. It's one thing to express disagreement, it's another thing entirely to poke fun at a friend's misery.
Read (or listen to audiobooks): Robert Kiyosaki: Rich Dad, Poor Dad & Cashflow Quadrant. He also has one called "Before you quit your job", but read those two first. Steven Pressfild: The War of Art
Also, you need to start surrounding yourself with like-minded people. Ditch your old friends and make some that will inspire you to push yourself harder. Try meetup.com.
Good luck!
You made the right move. Pivot to be happy. You tried the self-employment route. It didn't work. Get another job.
What line of work are you in? Ruby? Contact me if you want advice/work. "Bigf1sch" on Skype.
I work with software and I did quit and it was great. I just completed my first freelance project and it worked great. I'm not looking back yet. Although I notice it is hard to stay disciplined, but I'm working on it.
don't attach to it. you don't have to "admit" failure. Life is not a test.
There may be someone in need of your tech skills that you don't even know, and you just missed making that random contact at the coffee shop you always go too because she was stuck in traffic that day.
your freelancing thing barely works for two reasons: not enough paying clients, or clients that never pay. so go get new/more (paying) clients! advertise! be creative! spread your wings! get out of house and hustle, or write emails to prospective clients. work for free (temporarily)to get in the door if you have to!
change how you do things so it doesn't hurt anymore. don't take the fact that it hurts personally, take it as a clue.
when I contemplated suicide at that age (and since) I always come back to a wonderful realization. the reasons for suicide are satisfied in death... but they are also satisfied if you give up believing in those reasons. you will still be hungry when you have no food, but your reasons for suicide don't have to control you...
you can live whatever silly life you like for whatever silly reasons you like. your parents may not pay for it, but that's ok. Just another part of the post suicide adventure!
or as steve jobs said: “Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
also, suicidal thoughts probably have underlying biological components. Therefore:
eat well, not too much, mostly plants. get exercise. your body and brain are connected and need to move around. go outside. it will make you feel better. interact with people. we are social organisms. sleep well. the more your learning the more sleep you will need. set learning goals. those goals are what should be getting out of bed every day. if your vision and goals don't get you out of bed, then change your goals.
I'm gonna make a guess that your parents want you to be happy. They also want you to be self-reliant. But they don't see either one happening now. so try some new things and see if either one improves.
You don't have to admit failure to try something different. Or to do something in addition to the free-lance thing. Or you could just kill the free-lance thing because it doesn't work.
It's difficult being a CEO. Sometimes you have to tell the new division it isn't making any money. Maybe the CEO has to pivot the business into a new direction. Maybe the division can hang on for 3 more months if it can meet new sales targets. Maybe the division must be shut down. In a shutdown, a good CEO will try and take the smart people from that division and puts them somewhere else where they will get a better return on their investment. These decisions are always complicated.
Your the CEO. So wear the hat and act like it.