Toxic positivity does more harm than good

Post by hnarn » Sun, Jan 17, 2021, 8:39 AM UTC

pdimitar wrote: post #251

hnarn wrote: post #80

I vastly prefer honest negativity over dishonest positivity. An example of this is the behavior of service personnel in the US compared to my native country, every time I go there I almost want to tell them to tone down the niceness, but of course there's no point because I realize I'm the odd one out. Of course I appreciate the effort of being "nice" but when you're not doing it out of genuine care for someone I'd m…

One of the hardest cultural shocks for me to this day is when an American off-handedly asks me "how are you?" at the beginning of a meet and how shocked they seem when I go on to elaborate on how I am feeling -- even it takes me 10-15s they seem to need time to get themselves together because it seems as though I did something outrageous. Not bashing , let's be clear on that. But this keeps catching me off-guard, eve…

Post by throw14082020 » Sun, Jan 17, 2021, 12:33 PM UTC

darkerside wrote: post #238

throw14082020 wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the case with children is the same as with adults. We don't raise children "to have fun". Some would say we raise children to have a meaningful life for the parent, and I would hope for the children as well, i.e. "to do good work" as you say. Like others have said, effect of praise would be very specific to individuals, but some have said praise hasn't helped them much. It definitely has not helped me, so her…

I would assume all this is highly specific to environment, just as much as the individual. Have you worked in an environment where nobody cares whether you do a good job, and success and quality are not recognized? You start to define your own success, which may be very different from what the business actually needs.

Post by jpetso » Sun, Jan 17, 2021, 2:07 PM UTC

dbish wrote: post #117

baxtr wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was one one of those people doing this. Not because I liked it. I hated it. It felt false. But because I somehow thought it was expected of me. All other leaders of the company would do the same. Cheer for their team, applaud them publicly, always, constantly. I felt I had to participate in that kind of political game because otherwise the team, the people I cared about would feel bad about themselves. I guess what…

I'm a senior leader and I try to go against the grain on this. I can't stand pile-on emails where every leader has to reply all with "great job" for minor things. I work to provide positive feedback for specific and great work because people see-through false positivity and in the long run you can see that the folks doing the work are very clear with thinking these "ra ra" displays show a disconnect from reality rath…

Post by _TwoFinger » Sun, Jan 17, 2021, 2:32 PM UTC

robocat wrote: post #185

deanCommie wrote: post #172

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Canadian here. Our culture tends to pick and choose from the best of either the American or the European approach. We don't always get it right, and the combination/middle ground isn't necessarily better than either of the alternatives, but I do feel like we have some general insight and sympathy to both the European and the American philosophies. I've also lived as an ex-pat in Europe for 4 years working closely wit…

> I've heard people complain that the cashier at the grocery store asks "How are you doing?". "They don't really care, why do they ask!" Uggghhhh, I loath being asked that. Firstly, the staff are forced to say it as part of their job and they are checked. It’s inhuman to make someone do that. Also it fucks with my head - now I feel forced to do some interaction to lessen the evil of their work day (it is always shitt…

Post by 458aperta » Sun, Jan 17, 2021, 7:24 PM UTC

bluefirebrand wrote: post #288

458aperta wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You pretty much described Vancouver, BC. One of the lowest average salary in North America, expensive housing, and normalized exploitation of labor. Fake positivity is just the cultural fact of life here and I think it hurts productivity. We all know that because housing is so scarce, having a job or not can mean you have a roof over your heads or not. It's really disgusting the way they treat workers here. So of cou…

I found a lot of this behaviour in Victoria BC too. Similar enough and geographically close enough I guess. Funny you should mention Florida though, because I recently was working with a team from there and their culture was also absolutely the "work on weekends and PTO" variety. I wonder if it's a coastal thing.