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What Is the Most Valuable Thing You Can Learn in One Hour?

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Re: What Is the Most Valuable Thing You Can Learn in One Hour?

#281

Post by siavosh »

nordsieck wrote: post #149

IMO, the single most important thing I've ever learned is: try to be effective when you're communicating. I used to feel an obligation to correct other people if they had false beliefs. This was not an endearing trait, and even worse, I was never particularly successful at convincing the other people. One day, I read a passage from "How to make friends and influence people". It said something along the lines of: "The…

Following this advice can single handedly avoid so many negative things in all of our lives. The older I get I keep coming back to this lesson. For humanity to keep progressing we can't keep treating people as computers and expect them to accept some statement we believe in. We're fluid sacks of chemicals, the farthest thing from an objective computer. Effective communication must begin with that.

Also somewhat related:

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.” - Will Rogers

Re: What Is the Most Valuable Thing You Can Learn in One Hour?

#282

Post by theatraine »

GnarfGnarf wrote: post #277

Here it is: when your wife/girlfriend comes to you with a problem, she is not looking for you to propose a solution. She will work out the problem herself. She just needs you to be a sounding board. Listen and nod. Be patient. Pay attention. Shut up unless you are asked a direct question. This is the secret to a successful relationship. (Married thirty-three years)

I have never understood this and this very issue has caused trouble in my romantic relationships.

Here's my thought process: why would someone talk about something if they don't want input? It seems like a waste of time.

Where's the gap in my thinking? Is there some way I can mentally reframe my thought process so that I 1) Don't immediately try to solve the problem and 2) Don't get annoyed at my significant other for wasting my time.

Re: What Is the Most Valuable Thing You Can Learn in One Hour?

#283

Post by jariel »

nordsieck wrote: post #228
defertoreptar wrote: post #219

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> And the little I do speak is designed to appeal, as much as possible, to my audience. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" really helped me understand where I was running into problems when interacting with people. It was written mainly for those who are in sales and need to learn how to persuade, but I've found it overall helpful in my career (not sales). It's one of the three books I would recommend for thos…

> I like it when I disagree with people. I like to dig down into it with them to uncover the truth. I like to share the truth that I know with others, and I really like it when someone helps me discover a truth I didn't know before, changing the way I see things. I like this too. But I've found that it's basically a disaster in real life. Very few people are educated, and even those who are have enough sacred goats t…

"real serious conversations about difficult topics are near impossible."

Basic conversations about basic things are almost impossible.

Sciency/hackery software devs are a unique breed, we like to talk, debate, consider. To everyone else it's just 'disagreeable'.

Making people like and respect you is sadly, the only way to get most people to agree with you.

The most important 'tactic' when trying to get people to agree with you is ... to be tall, slightly good looking, reasonably well kept, and for the other person to believe you are listening to them, and that you agree with them maybe about 'some issue' but more importantly about some deeply held value they have. Then you are 'right' about whatever it is you are supposed to be talking about.

In other words, it's not about facts, but about relationships, which is why so much of sales is about that, and not product/price.

For some reason humans are really, really bad at objectivity and I think we information nerds are only just a little bit better than the rest.

Re: What Is the Most Valuable Thing You Can Learn in One Hour?

#284

Post by nathas »

GnarfGnarf wrote: post #277

Here it is: when your wife/girlfriend comes to you with a problem, she is not looking for you to propose a solution. She will work out the problem herself. She just needs you to be a sounding board. Listen and nod. Be patient. Pay attention. Shut up unless you are asked a direct question. This is the secret to a successful relationship. (Married thirty-three years)

I've heard it paraphrased that men communicate to solve problems, women communicate to share information. That's heavily reductionist, but I've found it to be a helpful idea to keep in mind when navigating conversations.

"Is this person trying to solve a problem, or are they trying to be heard and commiserated with?"

Re: What Is the Most Valuable Thing You Can Learn in One Hour?

#285

Post by teachrdan »

theatraine wrote: post #282
GnarfGnarf wrote: post #277

Here it is: when your wife/girlfriend comes to you with a problem, she is not looking for you to propose a solution. She will work out the problem herself. She just needs you to be a sounding board. Listen and nod. Be patient. Pay attention. Shut up unless you are asked a direct question. This is the secret to a successful relationship. (Married thirty-three years)

I have never understood this and this very issue has caused trouble in my romantic relationships. Here's my thought process: why would someone talk about something if they don't want input? It seems like a waste of time. Where's the gap in my thinking? Is there some way I can mentally reframe my thought process so that I 1) Don't immediately try to solve the problem and 2) Don't get annoyed at my significant other fo…

Consider it this way: The person you're talking to is an intelligent human being who knows they're capable of solving the problem that caused them distress.

The remedy they need right now is not a solution. The remedy they need is having someone listen to their situation and empathize.

Bonus: If they really are unable to think of a solution to the underlying problem, after venting about it they will be in a position to better think constructively and even take advice from you.

Re: What Is the Most Valuable Thing You Can Learn in One Hour?

#286

Post by BeetleB »

ghaff wrote: post #244
BeetleB wrote: post #238

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> 401k contribution limits (without catch-up) are about $20K/year. The GP may be referring to the $57K limit which is the total employee + employer contribution. The $20K/year limit is salary contributions. I think there's also a backdoor that lets the employee contribute more, but the real limit is $57K. > But they're actually less of a big deal for top execs etc. for whom the dollar amounts are relatively small. In…

>there's also a backdoor that lets the employee contribute more I'm not sure about backdoors but there is a catchup contribution if you're 50 or over that lets you contribute about another $6K. 401Ks are really this weird little quirk in US tax law that, as I understand the history, came about almost by accident. And they're suboptimal in a lot of ways. Of course, they're now so entrenched as a middle class benefit t…

> Defined benefit plans would be better for a lot of people although they have their own issues--including underfunding and, at least historically, a very strong bias towards long-term employment at a single company.

I came to the opposite conclusion: Defined benefit plans tend to be suboptimal. As you mention, underfunding is a problem. In the private sector what protections are there if the fund goes bankrupt because they overpromised? The safe thing is to make the defined benefits smaller so the account is always funded, but that's leaving money on the table. At least with my 401K (with decent low cost fund choices), I never have to worry about this. The money is mine and it cannot go bankrupt (unless the market dies, of course).

My state's employee pension is a defined benefit pension and everyone who is not a state employee agrees that we're heading for disaster. There's no bankruptcy escape clause - the Supreme Court has ruled that what has been promised must be paid out - even if it means raising everyone's taxes or shutting down all non-essential services. The fund doesn't have enough to pay what's been promised, so the state keeps borrowing money to pay existing pensioners. All the mayors in the city hate it, because pretty much any time they get extra money (via taxes, etc) almost all the money must be diverted to pay the existing pensions. Some smaller towns have increased in population quite a bit in the last decade, yet the cities cannot afford to increase the capacity of schools or increase police/fire presence because all the extra tax money from the new residents needs to be diverted to the pension funds.

Also, there is no cap to the benefit - and it is based on your income while you worked. So we have one retired person getting paid $80K/month from the pension because he was the president of a state university.

It's gotten to the point where many people automatically vote against any increase in funding in, say, schools etc because they know the money will simply be diverted to pay pensions. So legislators try playing games by adding riders to bills that say "None of the extra money raised by this bill can be used for pensions" - but of course that doesn't work because they simply shift the money from elsewhere.

Re: What Is the Most Valuable Thing You Can Learn in One Hour?

#287

Post by marktangotango »

Buttons840 wrote: post #254
csharp wrote: post #224

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It isn't a "practical" thing, it is a mental thing. "flossing my whole mouth feels overwhelming, so I'm not going to do any of it", vs "I just need to floss a single tooth, that is easy". Sure "just grow up and do it" sounds nice, but learning to build habits that generally feel unrewarding when starting out (e.g. working out, learning instrument), is extremely difficult for some people (e.g. me).

It's a bit strange that something that takes less than two minutes can seem so overwhelming, yet we've all been there.

To me it goes like this; I just did it yesterday, there’s nothing there to get out. So I’d forget about it for another week.

Re: What Is the Most Valuable Thing You Can Learn in One Hour?

#288

Post by rovolo »

theatraine wrote: post #282
GnarfGnarf wrote: post #277

Here it is: when your wife/girlfriend comes to you with a problem, she is not looking for you to propose a solution. She will work out the problem herself. She just needs you to be a sounding board. Listen and nod. Be patient. Pay attention. Shut up unless you are asked a direct question. This is the secret to a successful relationship. (Married thirty-three years)

I have never understood this and this very issue has caused trouble in my romantic relationships. Here's my thought process: why would someone talk about something if they don't want input? It seems like a waste of time. Where's the gap in my thinking? Is there some way I can mentally reframe my thought process so that I 1) Don't immediately try to solve the problem and 2) Don't get annoyed at my significant other fo…

1) Do they want you to fix their problem, or do they just want you to be aware of their problem? (wait until they ask a direct question) Ex:

Them: My foot is broken

You: Have you considered not walking on it? Have you considered putting a cast on it?

vs

You: That sucks. (mentally: don't ask them to walk on it until it heals)

2) Do you have enough information yet to make a reasonable suggestion? (Smile and nod, shut up)

Them: I don't like my boss and yesterday I ...

You: Why don't you quit?

3) Your suggestion will fix their problem, but what are the consequences of your solution?

Them: I can't walk upstairs to get my medicine (they are on crutches)

You: Let me help you up the stairs (they then need to find you every time they go upstairs. Instead, make sure everything they need is downstairs)

Contrary to GP, I don't think "wait until they ask a direct question" is a perfect strategy; though it's a great strategy compared to shooting your mouth off. Waiting until they ask a direct question is a shortcut to make sure you don't imply that they were too dumb to think of your half-baked solution.

Re: What Is the Most Valuable Thing You Can Learn in One Hour?

#289

Post by BeetleB »

H8crilA wrote: post #69
omarhaneef wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because it’s really the only place where a non-rich person can get massive 4:1 leverage on their assets, and where there has been a secular growth trend over the last 50 years.

This. Never underestimate the power of leverage combined with luck (good asset selection, which almost always is luck). TQQQ, a NASDAQ 3x leveraged ETF is up almost 50x since 2010. Real estate has insane leverage via mortgage. 10% downpayment results in a 10x leverage, 5% downpayment is a 20x leverage. Imagine a house that was purchased at 10% downpayment. A 2x (+100%) house value appreciation gives you a 11x (+1000%…

> Imagine a house that was purchased at 10% downpayment. A 2x (+100%) house value appreciation gives you a 11x (+1000%) return on that 10% downpayment.

A 2x appreciation is probably something 95+% of houses will never get to in a decent amount of time. As a benchmark, the S&P 500 tends to double every 10 years after adjusting for inflation. Not many houses do that. Yes, there are always markets where this happens, but it's not the norm and is pretty much a speculation game like stocks are.

Of course, taking leverage into account you don't need it to appreciate 2x. With a 10% downpayment you just need it to appreciate about 9-10% to double your investment (probably more than 10% to make up for all the fees you'll pay).

And don't forget to subtract all the interest payments you made while you wait for it to appreciate. Factor that in your ROI.

Most of the gains in real estate these days is finding crappy houses that you cannot get a bank loan for. So you buy it at a big discount if you have the funds, or you get a private loan at high interest. Spend 3-6 months bringing the house up to code and then refinance to rent or sell (i.e. flip).

Re: What Is the Most Valuable Thing You Can Learn in One Hour?

#290

Post by csharp »

Buttons840 wrote: post #254
csharp wrote: post #224

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It isn't a "practical" thing, it is a mental thing. "flossing my whole mouth feels overwhelming, so I'm not going to do any of it", vs "I just need to floss a single tooth, that is easy". Sure "just grow up and do it" sounds nice, but learning to build habits that generally feel unrewarding when starting out (e.g. working out, learning instrument), is extremely difficult for some people (e.g. me).

It's a bit strange that something that takes less than two minutes can seem so overwhelming, yet we've all been there.

Very true. For me, it is the feeling of 100 small 2-minute things. I find myself looking how to get out of as many as possible.
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