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I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

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Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#281

They called me gifted as a kid. Tested at a genius level IQ (not that it matters). I barely passed high school. I started my first company while in it. I dropped out of my engineering programming. I was teaching other students about computers and was running a business on the side. I am not someone who follows the rules well. My sibling is the polar opposite, they have three Ivy League degrees. They were top 3% of th…

That's an awesome story, did/do you find it hard as an entrepreneur to get off the ground with a lack of social proof from the ivy league degree? I guess after achieving some level of success from your entrepreneurial endeavors that itself is a far stronger signal of social proof but it seems difficult to "break in". Any tips?

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#282
Just wanna mention I would have been a miserable loner of a kid if not for the Duke TIP summer camp program. Being surrounded by other smart kids was incredibly affirming, gave me vital social skills, and made my 'normal' public school life much more bearable.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#283
post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The world needs more good people. The world doesn't need more smart people.

Being 'good' in a non-smart way is not actually being very good at all.

That's bullshit, you can be good regardless of your place in life, regardless of what you do or don't have.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#284
I can confirm the author's experience but from the opposite perspective. In third grade I was diagnosed with ADD. At that time the school didn't know what to do with that, so I was segregated into an "educationally handicapped" class only available at another school across town. So, I had to ride the proverbial "short bus" (for the handicapped kids) and did the rest of elementary school in a "special" classroom in a temporary building isolated on its own from the "normal" classrooms. The other kids in my class had far more severe problems than mine, often both physically and emotionally. The class size was smaller but the teacher had to spend much of her time dealing with challenging issues.

Basically, unlike the author, who was told she was so smart, I was given every overt and covert signal that I was handicapped, both at school and at home. I was "mainstreamed" in middle school but was assigned to go to another "special" classroom for all core subjects. Again, this was the only different classroom on campus. It had double wide doors and actually had a small adjacent observing room with a two way mirror in-between. My fellow students were often so disruptive and required attention from the teacher that I was allowed to spend most classes alone in the "observing closet" reading. It was dark and pretty quiet. Some of my best memories of school actually.

When I was in 8th grade, every 8th grader in the state had to take the same standardized test. It was basically like a middle school SAT. I remember a few weeks after taking the test, the principle of the school came to my special classroom and told me I needed to retake that test, this time in his office while he watched. A week after that I was suddenly re-assigned from that "special" classroom to now take my core subjects not just in the normal classes but in "accelerated" classes for mentally gifted kids.

Obviously, I was simply not neuro-typical. I still struggled mightily with some subjects in school while succeeding wildly in others. My grades were 'A's and 'D's with little in-between. I dropped out of college because I just couldn't get past some required classes. I taught myself computer programming, got deep into technology, got involved very early in a startup, then founded my own startup, then another, then another. Took one to IPO, two others to acquisitions. Stayed with a Fortune 500 acquirer as an executive and eventually ascended to the C-level. Now I'm well-known in my industry and considered a substantial "success" by most standards. I manage armies of incredibly sharp ivy league MBAs and Phds yet have no degree myself (and not for cool Zuckerberg reasons like dropping out of Havard). My Mom still says stuff like "Out of all my kids... well, we thought we'd be caring for you when you grew up and now you're caring for the whole family."

Bottom line, many people see my schooling experience as tragic, and it was truly awful in many ways, but I've always attributed my entrepreneurial drive and much of my success to the perverse experience of being told and treated as if I was handicapped. I worked harder because everyone told me that I'd always have to work harder and nothing would come easy for me. I didn't give up when I failed because I mostly expected to fail.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#285
my brother is an actual genius. like Feynman level, without a doubt. he could have done something to change the world.

but he decided early on that life is short and he just wants to have fun. so he works an easy, well paid government engineering job, and plays video games all the time.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#286

I think the central problem here is not asking more of gifted people during early school years. I was pretty disengaged with school before college. It just wasn't challenging enough in the right kinds of ways. I flourished when I got to college since I was finally in an environment with unlimited challenge and rewards. I learned to set my own standards for achievement and be less worried about how I would be judged e…

> I learned to set my own standards for achievement and be less worried about how I would be judged externally.

If you want to foster that in gifted children, they need less schooling, not more of what caused things like worrying about external judgement.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#287

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Therefore, I find myself in a situation where making a lot of money isn't my goal, but I feel that I have to do it if I want to achieve my goals. Can't you work remotely? There are a lot of smaller cities (at least in Europe) that have a great vibe, are welcoming to all kinds of people, and do not have extreme housing costs. I live in such a city, a large chunk of the population are students, so there is a vibrant so…

I'm working remotely but living like a nomad. A month at most in different villages across India. I now miss the city life, and am also considering moving to Europe, perhaps a small city in Germany. Can you share more about these smaller cities? What was your criteria for choosing the city you are in presently?

What was your criteria for choosing the city you are in presently?

We lived in Tübingen (Germany) for five years. But the city was just a tad too small for my taste. There are only few stores (outside tourism-focused stores) and it there is fairly little to do in terms of concerts, etc. It is part of the Stuttgart metropolitan area, so there are a lot of work opportunities. I loved the scenery of Southern Germany, but Germany is too hierarchical, conservative, and old-fashioned for my taste (of course, there are exceptions, such as Berlin). It's really a drag that you can't do groceries on a Sunday, people expect you to pay with cash everywhere, internet connections are somewhat mediocre, etc. Oh, and there is almost no biking infrastructure in cities (outside cities it's quite ok). That said, a lot our our friends/colleagues there like Tübingen/Stuttgart area.

We moved back to Groningen, The Netherlands (where I studied + did my PhD and my wife did her PhD). It may be somewhat remote for some people. But I love it, there are multiple concert venues (including the legendary Vera), there are plenty of tech-related activities. We have fiber to home. We can shop on Sundays (handy when you work throughout the week). Bicycles are the primary form of transportation. Our 5yo daughter clearly enjoys school here more (used to be in Kindergarten in Germany). The largest downside of Groningen is that there is not a lot of challenging local work (outside the university).

If my wasn't offered a job in Groningen, we would have considered Nijmegen, perhaps Utrecht (+ nearby towns) or Leiden. I have worked several months in Amsterdam, but it is too busy for me ;).

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#288

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I answered this elsewhere, but... I think it is ideal to just exist without putting smartness on a scale. Smart is not an inherently good or bad thing IMO. It just is. What you do with "smart" matters, so we focus on doing and effort in my house, not on inherent capabilities. Also, maybe you as a person just don't want to do "smart" people jobs when you grow up? Probably you will, but if you are holding yourself to s…

Being smart is inherently good. It is ridiculous to suggest otherwise.

You can't argue Hitler, Stalin, etc weren't smart in their own ways. So being smart is not inherently good, it depends on what it applies to. There could be smart pimp who makes a lot of money, does that make him good?

Maybe being good is inherently good?

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#289

my brother is an actual genius. like Feynman level, without a doubt. he could have done something to change the world. but he decided early on that life is short and he just wants to have fun. so he works an easy, well paid government engineering job, and plays video games all the time.

Not sarcastically: good for him. Sometimes I wonder if we put too much pressure and expectations on geniuses, like they are supposed to solve the world's problems for us. It's cool to hear your brother is just trying to maximize his happiness like any other person would.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#290

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm working remotely but living like a nomad. A month at most in different villages across India. I now miss the city life, and am also considering moving to Europe, perhaps a small city in Germany. Can you share more about these smaller cities? What was your criteria for choosing the city you are in presently?

Smaller cities present issues in Germany (and Europe as a whole) for a multitude of reasons, for example healthcare[0], reliable bandwidth, older populations[1], etc. Choosing a small city with a train station, however, can dramatically improve your access to most of these things as the trains typically imply population, which typically begets services such as internet, pharmacies, etc. So honestly my first recommend…

Smaller cities present issues in Germany (and Europe as a whole) for a multitude of reasons, for example healthcare[0], reliable bandwidth, older populations[1], etc.

Well, Nentershausen is very small ;). We had weekends with friends in Nentershausen for a couple of years. It's a village, not a city.

I was more thinking along the lines of (random Dutch/German university cities): Heidelberg, Tübingen, Ulm, Erlangen, Nürnberg, Nijmegen, Groningen, Leiden, etc.

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