Earlier quoted context omitted.
The one glimmer of hope that I have is that I am literally incapable of driving in the snow without substantial software assistance, and that's true for literally every other human I know.
You and the people you know may just not be suited for driving in those conditions. Mountain areas in California have plenty of people capable driving in some serious snow with older cars, ABS is usually the only thing they have, no traction control or other software help. Anecdotal, of course, but so is your comment.
...northern Wisconsin gets its fair share of snow.
> ABS is usually the only thing they have
I think you've just agreed with me. ABS and TCS are exactly the systems I was referring to, and most of today's drivers have never encountered a car that doesn't at least have ABS.
I've driven a car without ABS or TCS in the snow. It's extremely difficult. Kind of similar to driving a stick shift for the first time. The idea is simple, but getting it into muscle memory enough that you're not constantly making mistakes is non-trivial.