Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

nytimes.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

281–290 of 310 posts

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#281

Post by dragonwriter »

shady-lady wrote: post #279
appleiigs wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm asian. I'm not american. I think weighing career dreams (a stereotypical american thing) versus taking care my parents (a stereotypical asian thing) is not even a close decision. When I look back at my life, I'm not going to regret spending extra time in the office. I'm in no way saying my opinion is correct, because everyone has different values. I'm just sharing my surprise of the dilemma in your post and the o…

> When I look back at my life, I'm not going to regret spending extra time in the office. Did you mean you're not going to regret not spending extra time in the office? i.e. family > work or did you mean work > family

I think GP meant “I have made the correct decisions in life by prioritizing family over work so that I will not later regret spending extra time in the office”.

There are two sources of non-regret:

Not valuing the thing you would sacrifice is one.

But not sacrificing the thing is another.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#282

Post by pm90 »

YinglingLight wrote: post #153
pm90 wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Startups and regular jobs are really different experiences; some people enjoy the thrill of being weeks away from running out of cash, or crunching hours after hours to get the product out to the market and potentially making a ton of money in a short period of time. Others like to have a more regular schedule which for them is more productive. So people kinda naturally gravitate towards either kind of job when they…

Life is suffering. And I don't mean that in some existential sense. The lifestyles people choose is summed up by how they want to suffer.

I consider myself an optimist, but I do also agree with you. The interesting thing for me has been that often people try to avoid a certain kind of suffering but end up suffering in a different way. So you just can't get away from that fact.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#283

Post by pm90 »

closeparen wrote: post #222
ptaipale wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Related: Rich Kids Study English "New data shows that students whose parents make less money pursue more “useful” subjects, such as math or physics." https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/07/college...

Yes. The liberal arts are “the objects of study worthy of a free person” as opposed to a wage slave. The public university system was meant to make these aristocratic pursuits available to the masses. Until costs exploded, it worked.

> Until costs exploded, it worked. What costs are you talking of, specifically? Moving manufacturing to lower wage countries has actually reduced costs of goods quite a lot, and productivity gains throughout the world have consequently increased wealth.

The real problem seems to be income inequality; whereas right after WW2 inequality was low, it has recently exploded with the implementation of reckless tax cuts for the wealthy and cutting down on essential social security nets.

Its a shame really: the US has its problems, but the American middle class has generally been a source of prosperity and stability, and it seems to be rapidly fading away.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#284

Post by IWeldMelons »

m_fayer wrote: post #278
madeuptempacct wrote: post #200

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Except that math background still gets you work in the US. There is a reason why a lot of Russian immigrants that were born in the 60s are directors of departments in the US. You gotta give the USSR its due - it had the best education in the world for a bit.

The USSR also completely shut down the humanities. Generations without philosophy or sociology or anthropology or psychology, it impoverished the culture.

Grew up in USSR. We had a good deal of humanities in the school, it was just rather ideological though.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#285

Post by IWeldMelons »

m_fayer wrote: post #172
spyckie2 wrote: post #47

The harsh reality of 1st or 2nd generation Chinese is that while many of us went to the top universities and grew up with a modern, 1st world mindset, we can't escape the fact that our financial and family background is from the developing world, and we live in both worlds at once - our mindset is modern, but the issues and problems of the developing world are still very much things we have to deal with. I first enco…

> "Beyond wealth, there is poverty of taste, standards, and expectations, family practices and emotional intelligence..." This insightful post really hit home. I'm first-generation Russian, my parents arrived in NYC in the late 80s. The cultural and mental gaps between us are vast, it feels like we're from different planets. It's only in my 30s, with some emotional maturity and pointed study of history, that I'm star…

"Russian" diaspora living in NYC is quite different from the Soviet people who settled in the other parts of the US. Living in Brooklyn actually had caused a significant amount harm to the immigrants, ended up living there, because it sheltered them from the normal, mainstream American culture.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#286

Post by sizzle »

spyckie2 wrote: post #47

The harsh reality of 1st or 2nd generation Chinese is that while many of us went to the top universities and grew up with a modern, 1st world mindset, we can't escape the fact that our financial and family background is from the developing world, and we live in both worlds at once - our mindset is modern, but the issues and problems of the developing world are still very much things we have to deal with. I first enco…

"Beyond wealth, there is poverty of taste, standards, and expectations, family practices and emotional intelligence that define many Asian family backgrounds."

This is a great insight and I see it all the time in the Asian community. The comparing of children's credentials and achievements, the psychological terror of getting less than an A in class growing up, the the keeping up with the Joneses w.r.t. other Asian families. This stuff really messed with my head growing up and now as an adult, I appreciate the work ethic they instilled in me but I will never raise my kids like that and I appreciate the simple things in life and spend more on quality not quantity. I never faced the horrors and atrocities they faced in their respective countries growing up and I'm forever grateful for their sacrifices in dropping everything to immigrate here and being born and raised in America. I simply would not be the person I am today if I had to come here via H1-b visa so I'll take my odd childhood in the best light possible, my first generation parents made the best of their situation compared to the educated and stable parents of my peers.

Can anyone here first generation American relate? I may be younger than most, turning 30. Would love to hear your experiences and relationship with parents w.r.t. culture and practices growing up in America (or immigrating young) and how it effected how you raise(d) your children.

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#287

Post by sizzle »

x0x0 wrote: post #157
icefo wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not a parent so take this advice with a grain of salt but I think holding your kids accountable for their actions can go a long way. Like if they break their phone you give them an old flip phone so they are still reachable but they have to earn money (mowing grass, do the chores...) to pay for a new one (even if paying them a new phone doesn't make a dent in your budget).

It's not the same. My parents grew up very poor. We were comfortably middle class until my dad died while I was young. I helped my parent with bills from the time I was 18. Even in me, you can see the difference that never going hungry makes vs my mother, who regularly went hungry growing up. And will still drive 45 minutes across town to save $2 on gas.

Get a Costco gas membership friend

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#288

Post by sizzle »

pm90 wrote: post #108
dleslie wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've made a career of chasing other people's dreams: I look for opportunities at well-funded or well-positioned small companies and insert myself into the opportunity to help others achieve their dreams. It's fun, and sometimes it's fortuitous, but most of the time it just pays the bills and keeps my life interesting. The key is that it pays the bills and remains interesting. If I were to chase my own entrepreneurial…

The people that made the most money in the California gold rush were the ones that sold equipment and clothing to the gold prospectors.

e.g. Levi's

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#289

Post by sizzle »

YinglingLight wrote: post #193
eiurafhlfie wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you are middle class (~$30k-$70k per annum) you can be wealthy* by focusing your spending on freedom, aka capital investments. I did not understand this was an option before reading the blog of Mr. Money Mustache[0]. Reading that and the Living a FI blog[1] may hopefully be as life-changing to you reading this comment as it was for me. * Wealthy in time to spend with those you love [0] https://www.mrmoneymustache.…

Woah, I've encountered me 4 years ago online. You sound just like I did. To past me, I highly recommend audiobooking "Millionaire Fastlane". Do not let the awkward title turn you off. It'll put you in a much more productive mindset than Mr. Mustache.

What impact did this book have on you? What have you achieved since reading it that you otherwise would not have? Investments? What other books do you recommend?

Re: The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

#290

Post by sizzle »

j45 wrote: post #3

Some wisdom that's not easy to imagine for ourselves, but statistically.. "Looking back on my high school years, all my relatives tried to talk me, a top-ranking student, into majoring in science or finance in college. But I was stubborn enough to stay with my favorite subject, literature. Now I understand them. They knew very well that in life, things can easily fall apart, and that those degrees are a promise of a…

What did you end up doing with your literature degree if you don't mind me asking. I hope you found your profitable niche, if not what is the barrier to success?
Post reply on HN