Hunting Down My Son's Killer • Hacker News Board

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#271

Post by valencourt » Wed, May 30, 2012, 5:13 AM UTC

sneak wrote: post #169

mcmatterson wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a parent of a child who was born with a near-fatal congenital disorder (malignant sacrococcygeal teratoma), I can attest that the decision to try for #2 is a difficult one that we're still wrestling with. On the one hand ours was a one-off event and subsequent kids should be fine. We've always wanted two, and it's been such a wonderful experience that we want more of. So there's that. On the other hand, the months…

To be clear: I think it's unconscionable to conceive a child while there are un-adopted ones, even if it's your first and guaranteed to be healthy. There are perfectly good babies out there that need love and care, and by making your own you are basically saying "fuck them, the one that shares my DNA is better".

Do you have children? Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that my kids will turn out to have traits that I liked in me and my parents. Just because of that, I would rather conceive.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#272

Post by aidenn0 » Wed, May 30, 2012, 5:18 AM UTC

mcmatterson wrote: post #99

aidenn0 wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A non-parent could similarly argue that you don't get to pass judgement since you are under the influence of cognitive dissonance. Regardless, I have met parents who feel that way, and it can often turn out poorly for the child, though it really depends. One person I know who feels this way is a DBA who earns more than enough for his wife to raise the kids. She works part-time more to escape cabin-fever than to earn…

I don't even pretend to understand what you're getting at with your second paragraph, and since this is HN and not reddit, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you mean no harm. That being said, I might caution you to choose your words wisely and delicately when it comes to commenting on other people's parenting methods. There are few minefields more fraught with peril than those surrounding parenting. Someone…

To clarify, I was saying that when parents see their kids primarily as a negative effect on their lives, it often turns out poorly for the kid. Specific examples of what I mean by poorly:

Child commits Suicide

Child forcibly removed from parents by the government

Child classified as juvenile delinquent

On the other hand I have seen it work out okay in exactly one case, so there is a clear counterexample. Mentioning the details of that was likely a mistake, as you point out.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#273

Post by mibbitier » Wed, May 30, 2012, 5:27 AM UTC

snowwrestler wrote: post #208

mibbitier wrote: post #173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "And marriage can only be good if the parents know and acknowledge that they together go first, kids come second. Period." That's a terribly sad outlook. Your children are extensions of yourself. They should come first forever. They're not pets that you just take in and look after. They're your babies... I don't know if you have kids or not, maybe you don't have very strong parental feelings :/

I think the GP means things like it's ok to leave a 4 year old throwing a temper tantrum with a baby sitter while heading out for date night. Doing such a thing won't hurt the kid at all, but will do wonders for maintaining a healthy happy marriage. Having parents who are burnt out, resentful martyrs does not help a kid. NOTE: This does not mean it is ok to abandon a child to the wolves, and it's not meant to justify…

> "Having parents who are burnt out, resentful martyrs does not help a kid."

Completely agree. But that as you say is not putting the kids first.

Putting the kids first means that you will leave them to throw tantrums when you need to, or leave them with someone else so they develop in that way.

Giving kids what they want != putting them first.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#274

Post by valencourt » Wed, May 30, 2012, 5:28 AM UTC

sgt wrote: post #86

I honestly appreciated this read. To me this is "Genes for Dummies". Exactly what I need. I tried reading about genetics on wikipedia once but I got lost in all the details and thus failed to see the bigger picture.

Wikipedia also has an article called Introduction to Genetics. There are more and more of these lately, introduction articles which try to break down topics that are naturally technical: https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Introduction_...

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#275

Post by mibbitier » Wed, May 30, 2012, 5:30 AM UTC

gcheong wrote: post #199

mibbitier wrote: post #195

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You shouldn't. If you don't feel the overwhelming need to have children, you probably shouldn't. I wanted to have children from when I was about 10. I knew that it would be the most important thing I was to do with my life, and that's how it's turned out. FWIW I don't know a single parent who would say that it's not absolutely awesome to be a parent. Maybe I don't know many bad parents...

Thank you! You see for a minute there I thought you were in the "everyone should have kids" camp. So really we are not so far apart in opinion because if you wanted to have kids since you were 10 and, not really knowing anything else about you but assuming you are a good, responsible person, I would be the first to say you should have kids. Having had an experience and not desiring to repeat it has nothing to do with…

FWIW I think every parent does indeed say "never again". Then in a couple of years they forget they ever felt that.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#276

Post by valencourt » Wed, May 30, 2012, 5:30 AM UTC

btilly wrote: post #183

CWuestefeld wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think I know what you're trying to say: that it's not hard for us to learn some facts, but they're less useful without a broader knowledge of human physiology that an MD would be presumed to have, and we don't. And there's certainly truth to that. On the other hand, there really are things the lay person can learn and understand well, even in the complex human body. I have an unusual, if not rare, condition (Crohn'…

Just curious. Have you tried Helmetic therapy? I have a friend with Crohn's disease. After 10 years on medication he injected himself with hookworm. He has now been medicine free for over a year with fewer symptoms than he had before.

I gather that that sort of thing mostly has applications where autoimmune issues are concerned.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#277

Post by aksx » Wed, May 30, 2012, 5:49 AM UTC

I used to follow Matt's blog. Reading the title of this post really upset me.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#278

Post by arvin » Wed, May 30, 2012, 6:16 AM UTC

matmann2001 wrote: post #157

This reminds me so much of the story of Lorenzo's Oil. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorenzos_Oil

My thoughts exactly, especially about the hardships and perseverance experienced by the parents.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#279

Post by kamaal » Wed, May 30, 2012, 6:27 AM UTC

>>Laughter
The morning after Bertrand was weaned from ACTH and the ketogenic diet, we heard something we hadn't heard before: laughter.
Still bloated and near death, in his hospital bed, he was laughing.
Everytime the laugh track came on the hospital TV, he chipped in.
It was the most direct sign of Bertrand's humanity we had ever seen.

Cristina was in tears.

As some one who is not married, has no friends, doesn't understand women and kids, Spends whole day in front of a computer. I hope someday I will have a family to truly understand what you are going through.

I hope and pray your boy recovers. The conviction and faith in which you write has me convinced that being parent is a sublime emotion which every human being must experience.

Re: Hunting Down My Son's Killer

#280

Post by manmal » Wed, May 30, 2012, 7:18 AM UTC

CWuestefeld wrote: post #165

its_so_on wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't like your tone. I have no horse in the race and am not a doctor, but doctors aren't Gods. They learn certain foundational things (names of bones and muscles; organic chemistry) then they learn thing related to the practice that doesn't necessarily rely on any of that stuff. (Diseases; drugs) For diseases, you should try reading through the Merck manual (available online). Everything from gynecology, oncology,…

I think I know what you're trying to say: that it's not hard for us to learn some facts, but they're less useful without a broader knowledge of human physiology that an MD would be presumed to have, and we don't. And there's certainly truth to that. On the other hand, there really are things the lay person can learn and understand well, even in the complex human body. I have an unusual, if not rare, condition (Crohn'…

Have you tried mega-dosed grapeseed extract (does it help for you)? I read once that it helps keep Crohn episodes at bay..