Very interesting, would love to see a follow up study that investigates what is leading to this
Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?
271–280 of 806 posts
Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?
#272Earlier quoted context omitted.
I've been running online communities for years and this, as far as I can see, factual. I've read somewhere, maybe multiple times, that most men are emotionally and sexually deprived. That sounds correct given the data I have. I'm ok looking and I feel like I can make women like me. I still struggle sometimes. Many of my friends do much worse than me. I have friends that I find intellectually stimulating, average-look…
It's interesting to me. I have female friends in their 30s who go on tons of dates but reject pretty much all of them for any long-term relationship. The ones they seem to be in to tend to reject them after a couple of dates. I'm not there in those interactions but I wonder how much of it is a mismatch between what you desire in a relationship and who you are attracted to in a person.
"what you desire in a relationship and who you are attracted to in a person. "
What the head wants and what the heart wants ...
I am not sure, if this is a new thing, but there quite some social norms and expectations, that are impossible to fullfill (for both sides), creating unfulfillment and then drama.
I cannot say, that I know many happy couples. I met some and trying to work on my relationship, but it is really, really hard. Much harder, than I thought it is supposed to be.
Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?
#273> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…
Yeah, but you don't have deal with her problem which is an inbox flooded with random noise. It might be flattering for a minute but after that I'm sure it's a burden not much lighter than the empty inbox. Besides, as long as you get those few responses, that will be enough for all but the most active and adventurous daters. There are only so many hours in the day.
>It might be flattering for a minute but after that I'm sure it's a burden not much lighter than the empty inbox.
I guess some things have to be experienced for real understanding. No, this is surely not a burden by any measure, it is a huge privilege.
Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?
#274> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…
I've been running online communities for years and this, as far as I can see, factual. I've read somewhere, maybe multiple times, that most men are emotionally and sexually deprived. That sounds correct given the data I have. I'm ok looking and I feel like I can make women like me. I still struggle sometimes. Many of my friends do much worse than me. I have friends that I find intellectually stimulating, average-look…
> and when I bring em somewhere it's pretty difficult to get it running
How much time do these friends spend in social situations with women where the goal isn't to get laid/find a girlfriend?
I don't know your friends, but have known people in similar situations. In all those cases, their were others in our social circles who looked worse "on paper" but had no real difficulties here - it wasn't really about attractiveness or intelligence, but about behavior and/or expectations.
Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?
#275Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yeah everyone seems to be very focused on sex whereas to me the problem is not fostering intimate connections in the first place. We don’t have an epidemic of relationships that aren’t having sex, we’re having an epidemic of people who aren’t fostering those relationships and as a downstream byproduct they aren’t having sex. Pay a prostitute is a bandaid patch on the downstream problem, but it will never makeup for t…
I'm single and male, and personally I don't feel a "need" for sex. I do wish other less intrusive forms of intimacy e.g. hugs could be more legitimized between single people, though. Sometimes I see pictures of cats cuddling and just wonder why humans are so bad at engaging in simple, consensual comforts like that.
Kids are good at it. Adults less so, because of… well, sex.
Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?
#276I love how the article compares the unequal distribution of sex partners with the unequal distribution of wealth, because in my opinion that might be part of the cause. I would predict that being able to afford a nice apartment in a good area close to date locations will easily 10x your sex chances. There have been other studies about young men struggling to find jobs that pay well enough for them to become financial…
Just date someone from a 2nd world country then?
Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?
#277Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yeah everyone seems to be very focused on sex whereas to me the problem is not fostering intimate connections in the first place. We don’t have an epidemic of relationships that aren’t having sex, we’re having an epidemic of people who aren’t fostering those relationships and as a downstream byproduct they aren’t having sex. Pay a prostitute is a bandaid patch on the downstream problem, but it will never makeup for t…
I'm single and male, and personally I don't feel a "need" for sex. I do wish other less intrusive forms of intimacy e.g. hugs could be more legitimized between single people, though. Sometimes I see pictures of cats cuddling and just wonder why humans are so bad at engaging in simple, consensual comforts like that.
Anecdotally, I have found this to depend on cultural norms. Southern European cultures appear quite a bit more touchy-feely than North American ones.
Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?
#278Sexual loneliness and frustration is strange to me. I accept that it is real and painful for many people. But I just don't understand how the desire for sex drives people to take risks with their health and safety, or how the lack of it causes despair or violence.
What is the big deal about sex anyway? Why do some guys go crazy if they can't have sexual intimacy? A lot of time and effort for what, ten minutes of pleasure? But a deep (non-sexual) friendship can last all your life.
I don't think we should restructure society and become more traditional and conservative (whether de jure or de facto) just to cater to the very few who may become violent when they can't get laid. I think the not getting laid part is just an excuse. Prior to the sexual revolution, when people married young and divorce was rare, violence inside marriages was very common.
Overall I think I'm lucky that I'm asexual. There is a whole class of problems that I have never had to think about. I have no desire to exercise power over others or to allow them to exercise power over me.
Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?
#279I've yet to find a guy who was worth dating that wasn't in a relationship if they wanted to be in one.
I do know a lot of guys who struggle with the fact that the woman they're attracted to aren't to them. I definitely know a few women for whom that's true too, but it's mostly men, and generally younger ones.
And so they quote that same 80/20 rule from Peterson, which has no data behind it beside one bad survey, and insist its society's fault.
Meanwhile their Tinder profiles are just lists of all they things they demand from a partner – generally things they themselves won't provide.
Which isn't to say the problem isn't real – it definitely is – but it seems like any "solution" is going to have start at either commercial ideas (sex work) or a cultural shift.
Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?
#280The article correctly identifies that lack of intimacy and relationships are serious problems, with sexual loneliness being a related comorbidity (if you will). The comments, so far, predictably drift toward "how do we get everyone laid?" Giving everyone access to sex will not solve sexual loneliness. And, solving (a lot of) sexual loneliness can be achieved without giving everyone access to sex. Anecdotally, I spent…
"inversely correlated with the amount of sex I was actually having"
This.