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Dating in Delhi when you're poor

reuters.com

271–280 of 295 posts

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#271

The author is convinced that the couple’s life sucks. He/she is writing from a point of view of superiority - “look, this is what they’re lacking, they can’t afford a Rs.8000 dinner”. To a billionaire, my software engineer life will look miserable - “They have to go eat at Panera and Olive Garden. For their employer, a nice dineout costs $5000.” Can we stop looking down on people because they cannot afford what’s nor…

I got a different message from the article: the article brings a very different perspective to what the upper classes know of. These wage earners work the same wage for many of my friends in Delhi, irrespective of whether my friends earn $50k or $500k. Most of the upper classes literally look down on these folks, thinking perhaps that they are unable to date or go out and have fun, etc. The article shows that barring the price point, they engage in many of the same activities.

Some anecdotal evidence I've observed when visiting the homes of the lower wage workers in Delhi:-

1.) If they have a proper brick and mortar house, even on rent, they consider themselves successful. They do a very good job of maintaining their local colonies, even better than some of the upper class areas.

2.) The people in the above situation were often adamant about sending their kids to school, and in some cases, even private schools.

3.) They use most of the electronics we use, just cheaper versions. TVs, fridges, even a laptop in one household.

4.) The biggest differentiator between a happy lower income household and a dysfunctional one was alcohol and drug abuse.

5.) The "bad" ones are usually counseled by neighbors and members of the community, and if that was to no avail, later ostracized. There was always a support mechanism in place for the (nearly always female) victim so that she could continue living in the community.

In all of the above cases, we see that their lives mirror ours, or in some cases, they've had to adapt unique social systems despite the challenges, which ultimately seem to be better than the ones we upper class folks seem to have.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#272

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's interesting. Would you mind giving an example of one of these disjuncts? Some decision you made as a military wife that others did not understand?

I think the best example is actually from my divorce. A friend basically called me "stupid" for "trusting" my ex to pay me my support payments while on the phone and I basically politely hung up on her. She was probably just worried sick about me because the stats for civilian Americans is abysmal. I think it's something like one third of men don't pay at all and one third only make partial payments, which routinely…

A similar trick is used by some landlords. No rent? Call the CO. Makes military tenants very reliable.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#273

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's interesting. Would you mind giving an example of one of these disjuncts? Some decision you made as a military wife that others did not understand?

The incentive structure in the military is completely different from normal American society. Imagine a parallel, "socialist" society that exists inside the U.S.A. That's the military in a nutshell. It has its own government-run housing authority, its own government-run medical system, you don't always know where you will end up on your next tour, you may not be allowed to quit and leave the military when you would n…

> a parallel, "socialist" society that exists inside the U.S.A. That's the military in a nutshell.

Perfect description, which I find hilarious. It's the best large-scale example of socialism that actually works. But the Right won't admit it and the Left thinks it's hell.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#274

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the best example is actually from my divorce. A friend basically called me "stupid" for "trusting" my ex to pay me my support payments while on the phone and I basically politely hung up on her. She was probably just worried sick about me because the stats for civilian Americans is abysmal. I think it's something like one third of men don't pay at all and one third only make partial payments, which routinely…

A similar trick is used by some landlords. No rent? Call the CO. Makes military tenants very reliable.

That street runs both ways. When asshole landlords were raising rent every three months on soldiers and their families, the general on the base threatened to build more housing and move everyone on base, gutting the local rental market.

The landlords quit their shit and cut a deal.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#275
post #258

That is a misleading article. Nobody spends that much amount of money on a single "date night" or "movie night" unless you are an elite. This article is again a low effort attempt to sell western people news that fits their narrow knowledge base.

Or you know, she could have been a wage worker for an elite. There is literally no price variation in India for someone who earns $50k or $20k or $500k - the maids ultimately earn the same regardless of the net worth of their employer. The only differentiators are the perks (staying within the apartment/building, free food, etc).

To give an anecdote, a friend's cousin is a partner at a consulting firm in Delhi, yet I was surprised to find out that their live-in help was paid 12k INR a month. It's not about them being stingy, it's just the market rate (or in this case, above market).

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#276
post #177

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Personally, that's the biggest lesson that I got from traveling in India. There's no question that people's living standard needs to be improved there, but I saw something that's lacking in a developed country (especially in the country I live): mutual help, or the "love your neighbor" mindset. I hope that tradition last long.

As someone who immigrated to the US from India, and was a 'stereotypical nerd' (being on HN duh) nosy neighbors seem nice on the outside but it can get old really quick. (Unless you're perfectly average for the community you live in). I much prefer making friends at work or other common interest places rather than neighbors or family who randomly happen to be next to you.

Tbh anyone nosy. Every time I visit my parents back home, I realize how exasperatingly nosy they are. They can't stick to minding their own business, and honestly it's something that they picked up with age - I guess to be a part of the general "community". And the amount of mental gymnastics they perform to analyze trivial mind-numbing stuff....

I guess it's something that's as ingrained in the Indian psyche as turmeric is in Indian cuisine.

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#277

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone who immigrated to the US from India, and was a 'stereotypical nerd' (being on HN duh) nosy neighbors seem nice on the outside but it can get old really quick. (Unless you're perfectly average for the community you live in). I much prefer making friends at work or other common interest places rather than neighbors or family who randomly happen to be next to you.

Tbh anyone nosy. Every time I visit my parents back home, I realize how exasperatingly nosy they are. They can't stick to minding their own business, and honestly it's something that they picked up with age - I guess to be a part of the general "community". And the amount of mental gymnastics they perform to analyze trivial mind-numbing stuff.... I guess it's something that's as ingrained in the Indian psyche as turm…

Same with age here in Europe. I believe they call it family, ugh! ;)

Re: Dating in Delhi when you're poor

#278

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A similar trick is used by some landlords. No rent? Call the CO. Makes military tenants very reliable.

That street runs both ways. When asshole landlords were raising rent every three months on soldiers and their families, the general on the base threatened to build more housing and move everyone on base, gutting the local rental market. The landlords quit their shit and cut a deal.

Sounds fair TBH.
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