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Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

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Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#271

Post by PopsiclePete »

ironjunkie wrote: post #240
Rotdhizon wrote: post #9

I think a huge factor is the growing theme of social interaction being unacceptable. Back in the day you could walk up to and make friends with almost anyone, it wasn't weird to interact with strangers, thus making new acquaintances. Modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction, don't talk to people you don't know if you don't want to be ostracized. You could want to befriend someone in a crowd, but come up wi…

I think you hit the nail on the head. I would also add that the whole minefield of communicating with someone of the opposite sex, especially if you are a man. It seems that you have a high risk of being called up for harassment if you want to start a friendly conversation with a female as a male for example. This is a direct consequence of the whole metoo thing. Over the last 15 years, society has been more and more…

[flagged]

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#272

Post by androidgirl »

techopoly wrote: post #258
androidgirl wrote: post #166

I'm 21 years old, I grew up online. I started on myspace and chat via gmail, eventually moving to Facebook. Fast forward through an early highschool graduation, and taking most college classes online: I have no idea how on Earth I am to socialize with people in the real world. I quit and deactivated Facebook in January, and since I have felt so truly alone. Each day I ride an uber to my dev job, work mostly by myself…

I'm sorry to hear this. I used to have major struggles like this when I was younger. I think people like us are very much in our own heads, maybe too much. Sometimes it's good for us to just jump out there and socialize. Sometimes all it takes is to pretend to be outgoing for 2 hours at a time. Go to a conference for work, or play sports at the gym, whatever. Of course it's a challenge every time, and I'm oversimplif…

Thank you so much for the kind words! I appreciate the "I've been there, here's what worked" outlook as well.

I'll start working to implement some of these practices in my life. Finding a good organization sounds like a great idea and something I need to just do.

There's a makerspace a few blocks from my work. I think it's time to email them about membership!

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#273

Post by ironjunkie »

PopsiclePete wrote: post #271
ironjunkie wrote: post #240

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you hit the nail on the head. I would also add that the whole minefield of communicating with someone of the opposite sex, especially if you are a man. It seems that you have a high risk of being called up for harassment if you want to start a friendly conversation with a female as a male for example. This is a direct consequence of the whole metoo thing. Over the last 15 years, society has been more and more…

[flagged]

Lots of assumptions in your post.

Being a victim here was not claimed at all. The discussion here is related to why people are feeling more lonely. And I believe that the boundaries of socially acceptable man-women interactions (amongst others) really shrunk over the last decades, yes.

I also used to approach women non-stop (as you would put it). I simply do it less nowadays because I'm aware of the higher risks associated with it. This has nothing to do with being a victim. It is a loss for everyone, and simply a shift to more "streamlined" ways to meet people such as "apps" that remove all the surprise and risks from the interaction.

On a side note, Why does this discussions HAS to yet again go to a Feminist vs Trump view of the world.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#274

Post by bilbo0s »

Broken_Hippo wrote: post #223
rainbowmverse wrote: post #215

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Familiar! Some of it, at least. Asking the "wrong" people out in middle school ('90s) sure was a fast track to being an outcast. Paradoxically, the rising positive presence of LGBTQ+ people in media in the '90s made things worse . People were on the lookout for us! I don't know if it was worse than the '80s where our presence in the media was almost universally negative. Later, I found Twitter, and met a friend (also…

Hah. I didn't even get to asking the wrong person out. I was caught looking. Oops. :)

I feel almost ashamed for asking this, but are things really that bad for you guys?

You sound like you guys are half joking, but then, not really. So I can't tell.

If it is that bad, I guess people can be bigger arse-holes than I thought.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#275

Post by huehehue »

mattmanser wrote: post #217
abledon wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thing about meetup.com which messes up touches on your point. Even though you may feel down... you get those small 'silces' of energy... even if they are brief.... You need to hit that 30 minute window of feeling pumped to go out and socialize. Feeling pumped? Yeah ! lets do this! goes on meetup.com .... F * the next cool thing is Sept 2. 89 hours away..... 30 minute window of feeling pumped to go socialize fades awa…

You're overthinking this. Pick one, put it in your diary, and go to it. No excuses. In those 30 minutes of action, commit yourself to that future action. Make it easy, in those 30 minutes plan your outfit, how to get there, look up the venue on a map, plan how much cash you'll take or what cards or whatever. Whatever excuses you come up with usually, plan against them. The group will usually say how to find them in t…

This is good advice but ignores moderate to severe social anxiety, depression, and many things in between. You're totally right that the worst case here is that you lose a few hours and maybe meet people you don't click with, but there's something in the mind of a lot of people that paralyzes them, or rationalizes staying in.

It's not so much 30 minutes of feeling motivated or energized, it's 30 minutes of something else entirely, that you can't really psych yourself back into in much the same way that you can't "snap out of" a depressed state.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#276

Post by Dancecity »

Andhurati wrote: post #248
pastor_elm wrote: post #231

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Even political correctness takes a toll. If I start talking with someone who has a different opinion than me, or is a difference race than me, faux pas get blown out of proportion You call it a 'faux pas,' others would call it casual racism or casual sexism, etc. Funny enough, when you point this out to a lot of people, they wind up being the ones to blow up about it.

Probably because sexism and racism are very charged words. It's kind like calling someone who hugs girls in greeting a casual molester.

they totally are

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#277

Post by rainbowmverse »

bilbo0s wrote: post #274
Broken_Hippo wrote: post #223

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hah. I didn't even get to asking the wrong person out. I was caught looking. Oops. :)

I feel almost ashamed for asking this, but are things really that bad for you guys? You sound like you guys are half joking, but then, not really. So I can't tell. If it is that bad, I guess people can be bigger arse-holes than I thought.

I was out for a walk recently and overheard a group of kids talking, and the f word was present. Not only are things bad, the next generation seems to be the same.

And that's with me being white and having the ability to pass as an ordinary dude most of the time. Trans women (especially of color) die every day, and that's just the ones who get reported on. Just as many get treated as "brawls gone wrong" or "tragic suicides" because their family didn't accept them and give correct information in the obituary.

There are more cisgender and heterosexual people willing to stand up against it, but that mainly helps when it comes to policy. It doesn't help much with the day to day for most.

edit: I do appreciate you asking. Way too many people assume things are fine now because there's gay people on TV, or some other arbitrary metric. There's still a long way to go.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#278

Post by eswat »

gwbas1c wrote: post #61

Honestly, I've never had problems talking to random strangers. Some of my best friends were random strangers at first. IMO, the problem has nothing to do with the internet. Instead, the problem has more to do with poorly controlling marketing and homelessness. Political correctness also takes a toll. When I lived in the Bay Area, most of the time I was randomly approached, "on the street," it was from a homeless pers…

Seems specific to where you are. Like another poster I run into neither of those but people are still guarded and unwilling to chat to strangers, especially millennials, and this situation likely isn’t the same in other places facing a similar issue.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#279

Post by Broken_Hippo »

bilbo0s wrote: post #274
Broken_Hippo wrote: post #223

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hah. I didn't even get to asking the wrong person out. I was caught looking. Oops. :)

I feel almost ashamed for asking this, but are things really that bad for you guys? You sound like you guys are half joking, but then, not really. So I can't tell. If it is that bad, I guess people can be bigger arse-holes than I thought.

I literally sat alone for most of 8th grade. I went to that school system two more years after that, and still heard stuff whispered behind my back. I can have half a sense of humor over it now, but it all makes me angry as well. I'd rather laugh than have rage about it all. The next school, I didn't tell anyone. Of course, this also meant that I didn't sleep with a woman until I was out of high school - oddly enough, it was girl I knew from school. I knew of a school official that didn't want gay teachers because he blamed a teacher for "making his son gay". I know this sort of thinking still goes around today. I can only imagine what folks in the 50's, 60's, and 70's went through.

It was weirdly easier being in a mixed "race" relationship back then. I got harassed by cops at times, slurs when out in public, and remember churches stating it was against god. But at least everyone didn't avoid me.

It was pretty normal to be minimally ignored and still find that I'm cautious of who I tell - women sometimes avoid me and men will sometimes make me an object. I truly think gay men have it worse simply because men are more likely to get beaten up by some groups. I think that it sometimes depends on where folks live as well on the severity of it all now.

Edit: I just came back to say thank you so much for asking about it :)

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#280

Post by Broken_Hippo »

rainbowmverse wrote: post #277
bilbo0s wrote: post #274

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel almost ashamed for asking this, but are things really that bad for you guys? You sound like you guys are half joking, but then, not really. So I can't tell. If it is that bad, I guess people can be bigger arse-holes than I thought.

I was out for a walk recently and overheard a group of kids talking, and the f word was present. Not only are things bad, the next generation seems to be the same. And that's with me being white and having the ability to pass as an ordinary dude most of the time. Trans women (especially of color) die every day , and that's just the ones who get reported on. Just as many get treated as "brawls gone wrong" or "tragic s…

I do think trans women and men definitely have the hardest time. Assault, murder, and freaking rape. And depending on the area, a male being raped might not be eligible for a rape charge if the police will even do anything about it.
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