Talk to your co-founder if you have one. If not, your wife is she's understanding. Having sold a company, it's one of the hardest processes to go through. It's not clear if your pain is from multiple years or the sale though. That clarification would help in the advice you get
Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
271–280 of 527 posts
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#272(source: I've twice left my own companies- both companies continued to grow and prosper after I left).
Personally, I'd suck it up and get the sale done, working hard to make the price as front-loaded as possible. Depending on the buyers appetite for you to keep working there you could:
A) Suggest that you're excited to stay with the business, but if they feel there'd be too many chefs in the kitchen and that you should phase out, you'd like to know about that now... i.e. open the door for them to express how critical you are to the deal.
B) If they DO really want you, push hard for a front-loaded deal (i.e. initial payout versus earn out) and then give notice 6 months after the deal closes. You'll leave some (maybe lots) of $ on the table, but who cares. Selling a company isn't indentured servitude. Someone else owning the company might relieve some stress. If it doesn't, punt.
Broadly-- I'm a believer that happiness is generally internal. If you can't find a way to be happy with this job, I suspect you'll have a hard time with a different one. Starting ASAP, I'd make some changes to see if it makes a difference. Get therapy. Try anti-depressants. Shut off your phone at 6pm and don't open your computer. The sky won't fall. Exercise. Meditate. Try psychedelic mushrooms (only half kidding-- there are some studies that one dose positively impacts depression and anxiety). Eat better. Go into work late AM twice a week so you can take a long walk with your wife. Schedule vacations. Go into the woods a lot (exposure to green space helps depression too). I just read that doing tai chi helps with depression. Schedule weekly lunches with friends.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#273There is a huge misunderstanding from people in tech regarding blue collar jobs. You guys are way too naive about what it entails to work at a grocery store or on a construction site. I've done it a few times during summer while studying CS to pay for my bills. They do shifts from 4am-12pm, or 12pm-8pm, or even night shift... They treat you like a bad kid, you get humiliated 24h/7 by who ever is higher in the "hierar…
I have two issues with this comment. First of all, the OP just described very serious signs of burnout and stress, but the top comment (this one as of this writing) isn't helpful - you are using the OP's raw discussion of their current emotional state to condemn a faceless portion of society for their privilege to not have to work blue collar jobs. You nitpicked the fact that the OP admitted wishful ideation about jo…
While retail work was a very simple work environment as you state, I found it to be an experience in misery. it may be simple but dealing day to day with the coworkers and managers in those environment was pure hell. If my only option in life was to work retail, factory, or construction I would kill myself today before going back to that type of work.
Have you ever had an assistant manager in her mid 30s shout at you the generic company values off of the company propaganda posters in a closed door meeting because you weren't quite living the company line? I have....
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#274Try to find a motivation to get thru this - think about the good that you can make it to your employees as you lead them through the acquisition. This might help you to gain some more time to think about your options
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#275Do not talk it over with your wife. It won't go well. And if it does.... she will see you as weak and eventually leave you (80% of marriages are terminated by the woman) You are the captain and you can rely on the people for support like your family and close friends. You tell her what you decided, and act like it's no big deal to you and she won't think it's a big deal either. If she does act like it's a big deal, t…
Seriously, WTF? I don't know if this is a cultural thing, but you are projecting a whole lot of stuff on this guy's marriage that you know NOTHING about. If I was in the same situation, the first person I would be talking to would be my wife - you know ... the person I married because they know me better than anyone else in the world and who's opinion matters more to me than anyone else's.
I know enough about intersexual dynamics to stand behind the statement.
The fact that he's coming to a forum, anonymously, for advice says volumes about his precarious position.
Look at the upside and downside potential for not being stoic and you will understand where my statement is coming from.
Trust me OP, you are the Captain and no one on the crew wants to see the Captain cry or look for "support". It won't end well.
If you have tons of $$$, then take the fucking money and invest it wisely in rental properties, and income trusts.
It would be wise and prudent to do a risk analysis of losing:
- your spouse - your house - access to your children - other assets
Then start preparing by locking everything up and minimize your downside.
- talk to a lawyer and tax accountant about how to protect yourself
Don't believe what the Blue Pill masses here are saying. I know you love your family and spouse. Don't let this decision bring out the worst in others.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#276Earlier quoted context omitted.
> is it not the case that sexual activity is recommended by therapists for stress relief? No. Not it is not the case. No therapist would suggest sex for stress relief. While there is some evidence suggesting regular sex can reduce stress, it's on the same order of magnitude as exercise, getting enough sleep, eating right, etc. Using sex with your partner as some sort of stress release activity is really not healthy f…
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/paintracking/201111/the... https://drstanhyman.com/sex-therapy/ https://www.beckinstitute.org/detail/sexual-dysfunctions/ http://www.refinery29.com/health-benefits-of-sex
1. refers to chronic pain treatment, and has several caveats. It's also a blog post, not professional advice from a clinician, so also take it with a grain of salt.
2. isn't using sex as therapy, it's therapy for problems relating to sex. There is a link in there relating to stress management (https://drstanhyman.com/life-coaching-for-stress-management/) but doesn't once bring up sex as a stress management technique.
3. Is just a list of sexual dysfunctions, nothing about stress or treating it with sex.
4. Is another blog post, mostly citing pop psychology books. But nowhere does it prescribe sex for psychological problems.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#277Earlier quoted context omitted.
The problem here is the founder thinks he / she is so indispensable that it would fail if he quit. So taking a week off for vacation is likely to just lead to more stress. However, the longer vacation is good advice. When I was severely burned out at a previous job (start-up) I was eventually fired because I couldn't continue the 70 hours a week and have the same, high output as I originally did when I started (I was…
If things are "that bad" at a particular work environment, I'm not sure any amount of time away will "fix" the root problems if you still have to go back there. You described taking time off (months) but you didn't go back. I have to think that the switching of jobs had something to do with your anxiety level going way down but I'd agree it would still have been "go go go" if you just switched employers overnight and…
Yeah, since the vast majority of companies in the United States don't give more than a few weeks off (which is far below what you really need, in my opinion, to undo burn-out), you pretty much have to quit. I guess I didn't really make that clear :)
Essentially what I was getting at was: a short vacation isn't going to do anything. If he can make it so he can take a very long vacation then that means he either transitioned enough so others can run it for him or he quit. Either way sounded like it would work out for him at least which is what I was aiming for with my comment.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#278Earlier quoted context omitted.
> is it not the case that sexual activity is recommended by therapists for stress relief? No. Not it is not the case. No therapist would suggest sex for stress relief. While there is some evidence suggesting regular sex can reduce stress, it's on the same order of magnitude as exercise, getting enough sleep, eating right, etc. Using sex with your partner as some sort of stress release activity is really not healthy f…
> Using sex with your partner as some sort of stress release activity is really not healthy for the relationship. That sounds really strange to me. Is that from a religious viewpoint of sex? eg "sex is a sin" type of thing?
The issue is when it is a prescribed antidote to treat stress. When sex becomes an obligation to your partner it can create tension in the relationship.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#279As a fellow founder my advice is to take a break - go on a retreat - yoga, meditation, ayahuasca, nature, etc.. Sounds like you are highly stressed. A break will give you some perspective. I bet those around you will understand and support a week or 10 day break.
Happiness mainly comes from appreciating what we have. When you are stressed and too close to the action it's easy to lose sight of all our blessings.
I'm happy to connect on a call and listen if you feel it would be helpful.
Re: Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore
#280Just accept the acquisition. Leave at the soonest chance you can. If they offer say 2 million dollars, but require you to stay 4 years.... then leave at the first "cliff" and walk with 25% (or whatever).
You will feel just as miserable if you leave and work at Walmart. Because the issue is inside your own head.
But you would be broke and your wife will leave you. Good luck getting custody rights if she paints you as a nutcase.
Take the money, pretend long enougb to extract capital and eject asap