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How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

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Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#261
If you go to meetup.com there are groups that you could join with other people in your situation. There are groups there for people that would like to practice speaking English for example. This would allow you to talk to other people without worrying that your English skills may not be perfect.

Another way to meet people is at art gallery openings. They usually serve wine and cheese and people are free to come in and walk around. I recommend small local galleries that show local artists. There is nothing much to do other than look at art and talk to other people that are there and artists types are usually open-minded and friendly.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#262
There is a saying in improv, "if you are in your head, you are dead". I am an introvert and spent my 20s in a mis-guided ways, trying to compensate for my introversion with self-pity, joining the pick-up community etc. Its crazy but in all fairness, first and foremost is that stop looking yourself as damaged goods and trust me, you would need experience but "better alone than in bad company". This is what I did to overcome my nagging short-comings,

1. Work-out/Recharge - get into shape, not above average but the best possible shape you can get into. 2. Read, as an introvert this should not be a big problem, but read classics, psychology, philosophy etc. stuff that is not technical and computer science. You will pick language, knowledge and wisdom from these books 3. Mediate - we live in a hyper world, and most of the loneliness and shyness comes from social anxiety, you need to relax - respond to the situation but not react.

Listen.. Listen.. Listen. Talk to those people whom you are willing to listen. Its much easy to engage when you can are willing to listen - most people think they should have something interesting to talk, but often it is that they are not interested to listen to the other person.

These are the things that helped me improve - am I an extrovert now? absolutely not, but I am content with whom I have become.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#263
A few shy/introverted friends of mine like to go to board game playing events. One nice thing about these kinds of events is that there's a lot of structured interaction through the games, and there's an obvious thing to talk about. In my experience, this takes a lot of conversational pressure off and you can be yourself a bit more. And go easy on yourself! Try to enjoy the company of other people without pressuring yourself to "make friends", whatever that means exactly.

Looking on meetup, here's a couple over your way (I'm in NYC, so I can't vouch for these)

http://www.meetup.com/silicon-valley-tabletop-games/

http://www.meetup.com/Peninsula-Board-Games-and-Drinks-20s-a...

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#264
post #3

Have you tried meetup.com? Maybe there's an event or group that catches your eye.

When I was actively seeking for an internship, I have attended a lot of meetups. I was not able to make friends, though.

Want to have lunch? I work in RWC too. My treat. bdamm at dammfine . com, it's best if you email me there and then reply here and say you did.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#265
If you can share a common experience with a small group of people, it can be very easy to make friends.

In this light, a language barrier can also be an asset. I'm sure there are a lot of people in your area that are not fluent in English.

Reach out to a local university and volunteer to show new students around town.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#266
post #218

Here is a lesson I've learned the long, hard way after 30 years of being a strong introvert: it's not how or where you meet people that counts. It's how you stay in touch. Look around you. Every day, in every situation imaginable, there are hundreds of ways to meet people. There really are. You could strike up a conversation with a stranger on a subway. You could ask for some advice from the girl ahead of you in line…

> If you're a true introvert, your biggest enemy is yourself. It's your desire to be alone. It's your preference for living by yourself, for quiet moments away from others, for nights spent at home, watching Netflix or playing games. Making friends means making an effort to hang out with them, even when it doesn't seem like the most immediately pleasurable, comfortable, or convenient thing to do at any given moment.…

I call in an NPD: No people day. Need one after being with people all week.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#270
I was in the same situation 4 years back. Being an immigrant it takes some effort on our side to assimilate in the society and for introverts like me (us) it takes a lot more. First thing I noticed is that I had a very low self-confidence. I've been an introvert all my life with only few friends. Firstly, what changed my life is getting a fitness club membership. It wasn't easy in the beginning seeing all those big guys. So I used to exercise late nights after 11p.m only because i was too self-conscious. My first friend in the city was a cop, he used to exercise off hours.He taught me lifting weights and that changed everything. He was like a coach.He wasn't like a friend i can hang out but that was fine. I felt better and better about myself as I got stronger. Secondly, I was a regular at start-up weekends and other business events .I made friends with couple of developers and business people. I was looking to make friends with them but they were only "networking". Later, one of them asked me if I wanted to be his roommate so we can work on cool ideas together. Slowly, I became friends with his friends. Also, I used to hang out at a 24/7 coffee shop and met other developers and designers. Thirdly, I volunteered at a local animal shelter. I made friends while we walk the dogs and clean the cats :-) .I met my ex-gf there. Also I read lots of books on the art of small talk and how to master conversation skills. Recorded my voice and practiced my accent until it got better. Hey Read this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock. Good luck!!
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