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Find Your People

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Re: Find Your People

#261

Post by m3047 »

nathan_compton wrote: post #82
mjr00 wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Lots of people who learn to do this cause lots of chaos and destruction in their wake. At the same time, lots of people who do this end up being extremely successful. The difficulty is knowing which rejection and criticism to ignore. Imagine losing out on a multi-billion dollar business because your initial pitch was dismissed by people saying your business is pointless and redundant because rsync already exists[0]…

"Each time you have to make a decision, make the right one" would be what I would say in a commencement speech. Truly sage advice.

I don't have a college degree. I made a deal with the head of the college math department that he'd sign me in to (senior level) Numerical Analysis (this was the early 1980s) if I taught myself calculus first; which I did. He had misgivings about this self-guided selection of study, and summed it up thus:

    How do you know what's important?
Now of course ML is all the rage, but that question has stuck with me. I still ask myself that question, and I don't always know the answer.

Re: Find Your People

#262

Post by pseudocomposer »

bumby wrote: post #255
steveBK123 wrote: post #245

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wouldn’t blame only western culture given the demographics of ivies now

It’s a good point. Buy I also wonder if there’s a sampling bias: those from other cultures who attend western universities may be more likely to have more westernized values?

Have you considered that maybe metriculative education systems, and the prestige- and status-seeking behaviors they invoke, aren’t exclusively Western at all? You might give “The Scholars” a read: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scholars_(novel) tl;dr (it really is quite long): Famous/influential Qing-era comedy novel about “successful” scholars in the Chinese imperial education system, with much of its humor revolving around their prestige- and status-seeking behaviors. (And lots of fart and poop jokes.)

Re: Find Your People

#263

Post by bumby »

tough wrote: post #258
bumby wrote: post #255

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s a good point. Buy I also wonder if there’s a sampling bias: those from other cultures who attend western universities may be more likely to have more westernized values?

Maybe elites values are the issue regardless of western or eastern bound

Id agree with the caveat that “elite” may be the status that anybody, regardless of culture, are drawn towards. Maybe we need a tighter definition of what you mean?

Re: Find Your People

#264

Post by w10-1 »

Many thanks for the openness that offers some insight into success, and the kindness that can see and unlock the potential in (underperforming) people.

"Find your people" is presented as finding those who can unlock you, show new worlds and opportunities. It can sound like the wonderful promise of networking bringing you opportunities (like a land of milk and honey).

But at the same time, you're told you must tolerate rejection and disbelief.

So perhaps the key is first to find something you believe in enough to stake a claim to it. Then some people will reject you (and leave), but you'll find others who buy in. Then you'll have the terrifying responsibility of making it true, for yourself and for them, and your (mutual) commitment becomes, well, serious.

Are they "your" people? Are you leading them, or following what you've targeted? When you need to pivot, are they following you, or are you all following the moving target?

It's complicated, but there's a phase/governance shift from interaction to trusting and being trusted that makes the entire dance possible.

It's your reliability in your commitment that leads them to trust your vision and direction, and willingly fill your many gaps and blind spots.

So I wouldn't mis-read "find your people" as "suck up to those handing out opportunities you want". It's not just getting off the tracks, but setting your own direction - reliably - that might secure other's trust.

Re: Find Your People

#265

Post by chrisweekly »

neilv wrote: post #100

Final sentence: > Find the interesting people. Note that this isn't advice for everyone. Go back to earlier in the piece: > But in the middle, there's a group who wish they had ambitious plans, but don't. This speech is for you. I'm going to tell you how to get ambitious plans. The "Find Your People" of the title is the more general advice, for a larger audience. Your people might well be a quiet small town environme…

VCOLA - Very high Cost Of Living Area

Re: Find Your People

#266

Post by c0redump »

jgon wrote: post #98
apsurd wrote: post #3

Good speech. It makes me think of why the rich get richer though. More access to more types of people earlier and throughout one's life. The best thing to give kids is access to a very wide—as wide as they can stomach—orientation of all there is in the world. It's not curation, it's not "the best". it's volume and contrasts. I debate my friends about private school. they have kids, I don't yet. Private school is actu…

I think its important to think about this point in the context that Jessica attended one of the most elite private schools in the US, Phillips Academy, with an annual tuition that is currently ~60kUSD/year. Notable alumni include both Bush presidents, and many billionaires or their children. Afterwards she attended Bucknell University, another private elite institution, tuition ~65kUSD/year, where the median family i…

Surprised that I had to scroll this far down to find this comment. I didn’t know anything about the authors upbringing, but just from reading the speech, I had a strong feeling that it was something like this.

The reality is that the people who control the funding don’t want anything to do with the average slob. “Find your people” is a euphemism for “be rich and well connected, and hang out with other elites”

Re: Find Your People

#267

Post by homefree »

joshstrange wrote: post #54

> The first step is to realize that the subway stops here. Up to this point in life, most of you have been rolling on train tracks. Elementary school, middle school, high school, college—it was always clear what the next stop was. In the process you've been trained to believe something that’s not true: that all of life is train tracks. And there are some jobs where you can make it stay like train tracks if you want,…

School beats agency out of students. It's particularly bad because agency seems relatively rare and if someone has the spark, the highest leverage thing that a society can do is to encourage it.

By the time most kids get out they're institutionalized and don't even know what they want.

Re: Find Your People

#268

Post by TheAmazingRace »

ChrisMarshallNY wrote: post #259
gardenhedge wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All very vague

BTW: I don't "owe" anything more to anyone. I wrote something entertaining. It happened to be based on my life, but it really stands alone. Just because someone is curious, and feels they are entitled to more information, doesn't mean they are actually "entitled," and that they will get it. I am grateful, when folks share intimate stuff with me. I have been in that position for decades, and I've learned not to pry fo…

In my view, this tends to go out the window when randoms on the Internet share hints and suggestions in the first place. This is known in some parts as “vague booking” which is intended to possibly elicit sympathy or a similar reaction, with the intent of getting a feeling out of their system.

A good example of this would be a Facebook post similar to the following: “oh wooow I had such a hard day! Can’t believe what I had to do to overcome! Craaaazy time! I hope nothing like that happens again.” and then provide zero context.

Then they act surprised anyone would request for more details. I don’t get the pearl clutching folks like this do. If you have no intention of elaborating, either don’t engage in any responses or don’t bother sharing anything on the Internet at all.

To be clear, this is not a dunk on you or anyone in particular. Just explaining why others might be so inquisitive.

Re: Find Your People

#269

Post by brailsafe »

angrydev wrote: post #250
nntwozz wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I channeled most of my energy into playing MMOs in the early 2000s, I have some wonderful memories but it fried my dopamine reward system and it took me more than a decade to wean myself off of the bad habit. Not having something real and tangible to care about can be devastating.

I'm between jobs (burnout) and have found MMOs (Classic WoW) to be the only thing that makes sense anymore. What did you do to replace this and move on?

I like what nntwozz is doing and how it's framed, but I'd add that I've been exactly in your position, first in 2020 and now periodically since then, with the exception that I've been playing retail instead of Classic. I think people tend to resent how much time they've spent on MMOs and go in the complete opposite direction, which I definitely did for about a decade and it helped me get my life on some sort of course in my early adult years. I think there's nuance to consider though, and WoW specifically has helped me keep engaged mentally with something that's intense and incrementally rewarding, especially during the winter months, when the real mountains don't call for me as much, and times when I've been between jobs for more than a year. Burnout happens to me when I lose agency over my work, something bad happens in life, I become disconnected from the reward system of work, or all of the above. It can happen if it's just day-to-day emergencies with no tangible improvement and nobody giving much of a shit what you do, but it can also happen when you're just not able to pull yourself out of work and do something pointless and fun for yourself.

WoW helps me pull myself out of work and gives me something intangible to grind on for a bit, which maps nicely to maintaining the spirit for a remote programming job game loop.

So I don't think you need to move on unless it's truly an addiction. These days, I'll play a season of retail in a semi-competitive but mostly casual capacity, and usually unsubscribe in spring to enjoy hiking and mountains and climbing and a bunch of other things. It's the variety that keeps me enjoying each one of them, and it's the act of enjoying them that lets programming remain the slightest bit fulfilling.

Additionally, I do think it's been silly to try and replace gaming with things that are arguably more productive, like working on a bike or a side project, at least on a permanent basis, and as long as I can choose how I spend my time, I don't see how it's an inherently bad way to do it. I like working on electronics projects, bikes, and doing all sorts of other stuff that's great for my health and well-being, but they're all happening as well as gaming, because they're all different types of fun and engagement. No I'm not spending 10 hours a day on it, but it's a hobby like anything else.

Re: Find Your People

#270

Post by ChrisMarshallNY »

TheAmazingRace wrote: post #268
ChrisMarshallNY wrote: post #259

Earlier quoted context omitted.

BTW: I don't "owe" anything more to anyone. I wrote something entertaining. It happened to be based on my life, but it really stands alone. Just because someone is curious, and feels they are entitled to more information, doesn't mean they are actually "entitled," and that they will get it. I am grateful, when folks share intimate stuff with me. I have been in that position for decades, and I've learned not to pry fo…

In my view, this tends to go out the window when randoms on the Internet share hints and suggestions in the first place. This is known in some parts as “vague booking” which is intended to possibly elicit sympathy or a similar reaction, with the intent of getting a feeling out of their system. A good example of this would be a Facebook post similar to the following: “oh wooow I had such a hard day! Can’t believe what…

Eh. Not "vague-booking." Interesting appellation. Hadn't heard of it before.

There's fairly practical reasons for not disclosing these specifics in public. Some folks here would probably understand, quite well.

Like I said, I think that people oversharing on TikTok has gotten folks thinking that they have the authority to demand intimacy from anyone they want. If someone doesn't share their secrets, then "what are they hiding?" or "They are being fake."

Can understand it, but I'm not particularly sympathetic to that mindset. I certainly don't think that of others. I'm 63, and not interested in impressing anyone. I can share more than many, because I'm no longer looking for work, but I couldn't care any less, about being some kind of tragic archetype.

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