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What really happens inside a dating app

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Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#261

Post by yieldcrv »

throwaway314155 wrote: post #100
mettamage wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yea, hacker mindset is what I applied with Tinder. It worked wonders, went from 1 to 100 matches per month. I feel like having a hacker mindset with dating in general works wonders. Oh, and not having social anxiety of course. It took a long time to not have that.

Sorry but if I ever start growth hacking my fucking tinder profile promptly push me off a cliff. edit: Sorry for the inflammatory language. Not one of my finer moments.

This is what your competition has been doing for a decade

Just leave the app if you don't want to participate

Guys have to behave like attractive women do, which is discerning and the opposite of how guys use the apps, OP’s article gives the rubric

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#262

Post by mettamage »

satvikpendem wrote: post #221
mettamage wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yea, hacker mindset is what I applied with Tinder. It worked wonders, went from 1 to 100 matches per month. I feel like having a hacker mindset with dating in general works wonders. Oh, and not having social anxiety of course. It took a long time to not have that.

What did you do to growth hack Tinder? Seems significantly harder than OkCupid as profiles aren't public and it's predicated on one-by-one swiping.

I'll talk about the things I'm willing to post publicly (feel free to email me for what I can only say in private).

1. Get the BEST possible pictures of you. If your picture doesn't look like the best picture you've taken all year, don't use it. Just know that online dating is more about being photogenic and looking good in the perceptions of others than actually looking good. However, if you're unattractive IRL, make sure you have a way to compensate for that. I am a really playful person during dates and that lightens the mood a lot to the extent that some women start to see me as attractive but that's simply positive vibes being associated to my looks

2. Rate your pictures. I use photofeeler.com, there's also rankpick.info. You need at least 3 8.5 pictures, I barely got them after 50 well crafted/taken photos. My friends got them way quicker (I'm a tough case due to a cleft lip and small shoulders)

3. How to start a conversation: make a comment based on her pictures. It's the best trade-off between being original and writing a fast conversation starter. The more imaginative and creative you are, the better

4. Don't be standard. No "what are your hobbies?" style type of conversation

5. If you write a bio it has to pop. If your bio doesn't pop, just keep it short. Stuff that I had:

  Cuddle champion of 2019  Give fun names to them such as: creative people with an imagination, board game lovers and people that want to conquer the world
6. Pay for the service, don't let the free stuff limit you

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#263

Post by mettamage »

gamedever wrote: post #52
mettamage wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

6 out of 10 male here (on looks), if that. Got about 300 matches, because I understand social systems and have a hacker mindset. Ultimately, met my wife after 30 dates. Didn't expect that. > Throwing money at apps works. I'm not going to go into details because my opinion is not based on anything other than my opinion, but I found that the more I spent on the apps, the more dates I would get. I've experienced that to…

> Got about 300 matches Number of people I'm interested * Number of people who respond (1 / 60) * (1 / 60) = 3600 people to get one match. Times 300 = 1.08 million profiles I'd have to view. Maybe you like 1 of 6? (is it that high, for most people I don' think so). And you manage to get a response from 1 of 10 (because I'd expect the other side to also be at best 1 of 6 + less likely to respond) So, that's basically…

I swiped about 200k profiles during the time I was on the Tinder [1]

The matches and swipes are rough estimated, but are accurate enough

I don't know the statistics of the blog post, I'm just stating my experience

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#264

Post by mettamage »

rqtwteye wrote: post #103
mettamage wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> they mentally don't want more than X active conversations at a time This is true. My cap was at 50 conversations at the same time. After that, my brain got fried (male here).

My cap was maybe 5. Seems I have less capacity.

To be fair, I was crazily driven and treated it like a job. Intimacy is crazy important to me

Edit: interesting that I got at least 3 downvotes for that comment. I don't mind, genuinely. It's just interesting. Different world views and all that

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#265

Post by Pamar »

gizajob wrote: post #243
jumploops wrote: post #118

We built a dating app and saw these same metrics. Our "twist" was that anyone could be a matchmaker, pairing other people (in addition to our recommendation engine). An interesting thing happened: lot's of people just like using dating apps in a voyeuristic way, with no intention of dating. Tinder eventually launched this feature, but it fell flat. I still think there's merit to human-based recs over "AI" matchmakers…

I daydreamed a dating app once where all the matching was done by tween girls at pyjama parties, and everyone signing up had to abide by the matches provided. I reckon the young ladies would have a very high hit rate of who was meant to be with who. And while I’m here, OKCupid when it existed as mostly a website around 2013 was probably the best actual dating app and attempt to provide a decent enough platform for pe…

I second the part about OKCupid.

(For the first part of your post I think I am not qualified to comment).

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#266

Post by [deleted] »

mimentum wrote: post #161
jameslk wrote: post #158

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you’re good looking, you’re not going to be wasting time on apps These days, saying hi seems to be risky for more reasons than rejection. Maybe more so if you’re not good looking. Hence the apps

Can confirm as a good looking male, I slay on apps compared to my peers. However I believe it also boils down to personality traits too. Saying "Hi" isn't enough. One needs to be creative to stand out from the field. Women get absolutely swamped on the apps.

[deleted]

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#267

Post by jokoon »

guerrilla wrote: post #222
jokoon wrote: post #203

To me, it reveals that women are not really interested in dating. Women go on app when they feel a bit sad, when they need to feel a bit better. People want to stay single. Introversion is on the rise.

I don't think it says that. I think it confirms that they are extremely picky and that these apps amplify that, making things worse for everyone except the apps... which is the point, to make money, not hook people up with healthy lasting relationships. This is yet another externality of capitalism.

To me, being extremely picky rhymes with not wanting a relationship.

I live in france and somebody said on the radio that the state family fund (CAF) should organize dancing ball for people to meet.

Maybe the core problem is that dating apps should not make money, or at least find another way to make money.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#268

Post by top_coder »

Stratoscope wrote: post #247

My best dating apps lately have been Trader Joe's and Ducky's Car Wash. I wear aloha shirts every day, and nearly every time I go to TJ's, someone asks me where they can find a particular item. It may be a guy or a gal, but I am always happy to help a neighbor find what they need. That is not the reason I wear aloha shirts. I just love these shirts! Every spring I get the Cooke Street shirts at Costco, one of each ne…

Ok I understood the Aloha shirt —> people thinking you’re a TJ employee —> asking for help connections. I feel there is quite a gap between here —-> getting a date. How does that work?

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#269

Post by stevage »

Ray20 wrote: post #239
stevage wrote: post #188

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because if you only like the hot guys, you only match with guys that everyone else likes too, and who just want sex.

There is simply no incentive for such behavior. The person always hopes for the best (the hot guy will choose me over all those who like him). And what about the worst case? Sex with hot guys? Sounds like a very solid strategy to me.

Not if their goal is a serious relationship, it's a terrible strategy.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#270

Post by GuB-42 »

bawolff wrote: post #146
carabiner wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lowering your standards will find guys who aren't just interested in sex. The problem is that most women want the same (small proportion of) men. He said that the more matches a man gets, the more likely he'll just want sex and not a relationship. So you go for the less desired men and you find better quality matches, if you are looking for more than casual relations.

It does seem like there are a lot of hidden assumptions here. Is the man who gets less matches really more likely to want a relationship rather than sex, or is he faking that opinion because he doesn't think he has options and thinks lying will get him more matches. My assumption would be someone who changes their mind on what they want based on availability of choices would probably not be a good relationship partne…

It can be explained with simple statistics.

Let's say 50% of men want casual sex, 50% want a stable relationship, regardless of their desirability.

Let's say that the 10% most desirable men get 10 "conclusive" matches a month, the others get 1 per month.

Let's say that for men who are in for casual sex stay on the platform for 1 year, those who are in for a long term relationship stay for as long as they need to.

Let's say that 1 in 10 matches can lead to a long term relationship, if desired.

The result is that on average all men who is in for casual sex will stay for 1 year, attractive men who are in for a long term relationship will be there for 1 month and less attractive men who are in for a long term relationship will be there for 10 months.

So with a 50/50 long-term/casual split, and by taking into account how long they stay you will have:

- 51.2% of less attractive men who want casual sex

- 42.7% of less attractive men who want a long term relationship

- 5.7% of attractive men who want casual sex

- 0.4% of attractive men who want a long term relationship

The result is that if an attractive man is still on the platform, there is 92% chance that he is in for casual sex.

Of course, plenty of assumptions here, but the general idea is that attractive men looking for a long term relationship won't stay long, and those who remain are more likely interested in casual sex, whereas it is more balanced for less attractive men.

Of course, it also works for women.

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