261–270 of 296 posts
Do polyamorous people have more or less children compared to non-polyamorous people? This is a way to judge the viability of this way of life long term rather than just as a fad. For it to be sustainable it needs to be both more than the groups around it and above replacement. If it is neither it is a fad.
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I mean, fine, believe whatever you want, but if you don't about engaging with what anyone else says why bother posting?
Because decadence and social degeneracy – especially inside tech – deserves to be mocked ruthlessly.
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Some obvious risks are: higher chances of STDs, higher chances of strangers causing trouble for you in your home, more difficulties having kids (from paternity issues to differences in values like poly people don't often want kids), and a higher risk of losing your partner. You would probably be better off paying for a prostitute than trying to make polyamory work with all its inherent drama and complications. You st…
STDs aren't a mystery, we know how to avoid them. I actually invited more strangers into my home back when I was monogamous, honestly, but I'm not sure what that has to do with polyamory. Monogamous people lose their partners all the time, have you seen the divorce rates? None of what you are suggesting matches my experience.
I never said it's a mystery. I'm saying that monogamy is much safer than nonmonogamy in terms of STD risk. These risks are not negligible. Look at how many people have herpes for example.
>I actually invited more strangers into my home back when I was monogamous, honestly, but I'm not sure what that has to do with polyamory.
You don't have to sleep with strangers to be poly, it is true. But I think most people who are in fact sleep with strangers and others who might profess to be poly yet secretly have a lot of jealousy.
>Monogamous people lose their partners all the time, have you seen the divorce rates?
They lose them less than poly people. That's the point.
>None of what you are suggesting matches my experience.
Since many of the downsides I've explained are in terms of relative risks, one instance of good luck does not disprove it. I also think it's common sense that having more partners makes life complicated and introduces more significant risks. Hell, even one partner can wreck your life. More than one, especially the type of people who partake in such deviant and risky behavior, is just asking for trouble.
Polyamory is just a nice way to try people and cheat as you want. It's a cool way to say casual sex. It's like using those insult word, except with a new word, and then a thing that was immoral then becomes cool. My experience: started a poly thing, after about 3 months she closed her couple and went monogamous again. It's like arguing "we don't need to wear clothes" except there are sociological, historical reasons…
I'm currently trying non-monogamy after a monogamous marriage slid from "I could spend the rest of my life with this person" to "I should not have settled down so early in my 20s"
I really hate "traditional values" on account of their peddlers and the history books full of horrors they have enabled but when literally every successful society and major religion has some semblance of a 1:1 rule even if the exceptions and edge case handling are different you kinda gotta take notice.
Chemistry is monogamous. 1 electron. 1 pairing.
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STDs aren't a mystery, we know how to avoid them. I actually invited more strangers into my home back when I was monogamous, honestly, but I'm not sure what that has to do with polyamory. Monogamous people lose their partners all the time, have you seen the divorce rates? None of what you are suggesting matches my experience.
Not to mention that safer sex practices are much more normalized in ENM circles. Getting tested before engaging with someone new (or on the reg if new partners are a more frequent thing), using protection, being open with partners about what you're up to are all great for preventing exposure to STDs. Being monogamous with a cheating partner is...not so great at it. Their tolerance for risky behavior is obviously high…
That's not a case of real monogamy. We could call it "attempted monogamy" maybe. Cheating partners often want to keep their original relationships intact and as such don't take extreme risks. They probably aren't sleeping with other people as often as a poly person would, and the type of person they sleep with is likely less promiscuous than a poly person.
It seems pretty clear to me that STD risks are lower for those in nominally monogamous relationships, even if there is always some risk of cheating. Redefining the cheating as acceptable behavior (that is, redefining the relationship as poly) is not solving any STD problems. It might if you absolutely cannot trust your partner to be remotely monogamous, but you do want to stay with them, and you do trust them to tell you who they're sleeping with, AND you can effectively use that information to reduce your own risks. For me, I just don't want to be with someone who does not think I'm enough.
I am someone who experienced the "longterm partner decided she wanted to be poly" heartbreak. When she told me, I asked her why she would choose to stay with me rather than just be single and date as many men as she wanted. She told me something along the lines of "I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I don't feel like one person is enough for all the love I have". I wasn't terribly happy wit…
I might be, but if I waited until I was actually ready for relationships, I would probably not have had a single first date until my 40s
I don’t think the author is saying this is their opinion but this sentence stood out to me: Monogamy is coercive. For a lifestyle that tries to sound “open,” this is an incredibly judgemental view to take on the many people who don’t live your lifestyle. Some of this attitude reminds me of hearing “nobody cares if you’re not tattooed” in my tooth, from tattooed people. Right before insisting I should get a tattoo to…
I was monogamous with my wife for about 8 years and I loved her and I think I still love her even though we broke up and probably won't be together again romantically ever.
I would say that monogamy, right now, is _not for me_. I just crave adventure, I'm a contrarian, I want more out of life than the standard, I want to sleep around. The revealed preference is that I want every aspect of my life to be "different" whether that's desktop Linux, veganism, changing my gender, etc.
If I had left that marriage and got into another monogamous relationship, in a few months I'd be wanting to date other people again.
21% of Americans have experimented with consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives, far more than two decades ago Not only do I not believe that statistic, but the footnote citation seems to be broken. I've never seen a poly relationship make it past 10 years and I've never seen a poly relationship without significant issues that you wouldn't see in a monogamous relationship. Furthermore, there simply isn't…
We do a lot of three-person dates and hangouts, that helps with timing
I have a strong feeling that like many new things, poliamory is currently mostly/only getting get “positive marketing” narrative. Basically: what’s being advertised is mostly the “happy path”. Everything goes well until it doesn’t, what then? Relationships are hard. There are a number of ways things get messy (and/or toxic) with two individuals, somehow things should improve with more than two persons ?
I think it’s just the latest fad neurodivergent people push on each other.
Me and my girlfriends are all distant from our families. If I regularly visited my parents and siblings and spent time with them, I'd have less time for romantic partners.
I wonder if there's a need for secure family-like relationships, and where the family of origin has failed, people are more likely to seek that feeling from romantic partners. "There is no form of incest greater than T4T"