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How fateful?

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Re: How fateful?

#261

Post by greyhair »

weezin wrote: post #111
zhte415 wrote: post #5

> It makes me feel very philosophical. Likely we had walked past each other every other week for three years with our heads down, or in the clouds, paying very little notice to the people around us. Past Channon had not the foggiest clue what impact an unnoticed stranger would come to have on her. Since learning this I can’t help but look at the passers-by in my day-to-day life in a different light. And no shame in g…

>Perhaps you were not the same person, or nor was he. Man this is really key. relationships is a skill. I don't believe in soul mates, but rather a healthy relationship is developed when two people have honed the skill enough to be able to handle conflict without causing irreparable harm, and enjoy each other out of conflict.

It helps immensely to have common goals and wants.

My wife and I were very aligned, right from early on, concerning financial disposition and family goals. We got that right out in the open early. We completely merged our financial lives and closed on a house, both names on the deed, both names on the mortgage, a year before we got engaged. When we got engaged, we couldn't afford an engagement ring, joint decision on that, and one of her friends got up in my face about it, 'where is the commitment?'. My dear fiancee held her ring finger up against the house and said "this is the commitment".

That common ground, those common goals, has made everything that followed much easier. Thirty years this past Spring.

Re: How fateful?

#262

Post by Dracophoenix »

salmo wrote: post #218
ericmcer wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't really agree, if you sat down and talked with every single person you walked by throughout the day you would meet many people you clicked with, both on a friendship and romantic level. If the author was that outgoing they probably would have met their partner earlier, or she would have found someone she liked better. In other words I don't think who we end up with is some 1 in a million cosmic star aligning m…

The 1 in 100 is what keeps my wife busy with family law. The odds of ending up marrying someone vs having a healthy relationship are 2 very different things. My wife and I dated through undergrad, broke up at "get married or break up." And ended coming back together as adults with more life and relationship experience. Based on plans, we never should have been back in the same city. And when we started hanging out ag…

I'm guessing your wife is a divorce attorney? If so, knowing what she knows, what's stopping her dropping out of the marriage and taking half your stuff? Even in a perfect marriage, there's always the incentive.

Re: How fateful?

#263

Post by greyhair »

lynguist wrote: post #31

My takeaway is this: If you want to meet your significant other, attend a university. After university your chances will dwindle down as you won't frequent that big come together place any more.

I had a primary care physician ask me where I met my wife.

He was old, early 80s (since retired and passed on) and said he had been asking his patients that his whole career, and had been keeping track.

I met my wife at a bar. Now, this was pre-smart-phone era, I will grant you that.

He said that a little more than 80% of his patients met their spouse at a bar. He said every time he heard someone say "You need to go to church", "you need to volunteer", or any other thing like that, he would interject that no, you need to go out drinking and carousing with friends. And always with friends. Apparently, out drinking and carousing alone is not nearly as effective.

You will have to accept the word of dead physician from the 1990s on that. Post 2008, the numbers have likely shifted.

But I still recommend drinking and carousing with friends. (That doesn't mean heavy drinking, you don't have to get plastered to carouse)

Re: How fateful?

#264

Post by bradlys »

alach11 wrote: post #256
bradlys wrote: post #148

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Online dating is common but it doesn’t usually work for the average man. It will work for most women but most women don’t use it. Most men still need to find a partner through other means like cold approach (terrible - it’s highly dependent on looks just like Tinder) or through warm approach (friends of friends, hobbies, social groups, etc. - this is where most average men meet their partners). The issue now is the g…

> The issue now is the growing number of single men... The number of single women is growing more slowly How is this possible, outside of gender imbalance or imbalanced matching (i.e. one man in a relationship with multiple women)?

You’ve described all of it. I’d add in that there are more baby mamas than there are baby papas too. Men are born at a higher rate than women. (5-7%)

Re: How fateful?

#265

Post by greyhair »

tssva wrote: post #64
lynguist wrote: post #31

My takeaway is this: If you want to meet your significant other, attend a university. After university your chances will dwindle down as you won't frequent that big come together place any more.

Most people have or have had significant others. Although some have met them at university most have not. I have had several relationships where at the time I would have called the person my significant other but in retrospect there have only been 2 that have truly been significant to my life. I met my wife at a bar. A few years after she passed, I met my now girlfriend of 12 years at a farmers market where she was s…

I noted in long form above. I met my wife in a bar.

I had a primary care physician in the late 1990s that had been polling his patients on that his whole career, and said that a little more than 80% of his patients met at a bar. So there you go.

I also agree with your assessment on partners, I have had a couple that were important at the time, but looking back, where more like friends with benefits. Only two were really significant. One that tortured me emotionally and basically set me up for over sensitive warning flags for about five years, what a mess. The other one I married over 25 years ago.

Re: How fateful?

#266

Post by vardump »

elzbardico wrote: post #118

Plot Twist: When google's algorithms decided those two individuals should pair, it started showing them ads for the same events in order to increase the probability of them meeting. The goal was achieved by the system in 3 months, exactly as predicted with a 99% probability with a 95% CI. The system's next goal is to subtly nudge the couple to reproduce within the next year in order to help google meet their user acc…

Hmm... something like this? Maybe this video left out the brainwashing part.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnsSUqgkDwU

(Google's famous ad, "Parisian Love", worth watching for those who haven't seen it yet)

Re: How fateful?

#267

Post by necovek »

scotty79 wrote: post #234
necovek wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did that help with tracking down the thief too? I suspect the outcome is still the same of your catalytic converter being gone for good, even if it helped you narrow down details for a police report. As such, the utility is still zero, since the desired outcome is "get my property back", unless you needed this many details for insurance purposes (they usually only ask for a police report, and police are happy to take…

> Did that help with tracking down the thief too? Of course not. > I suspect the outcome is still the same of your catalytic converter being gone for good, even if it helped you narrow down details for a police report. Correct. > As such, the utility is still zero, since the desired outcome is "get my property back", unless you needed this many details for insurance purposes (they usually only ask for a police report…

Sure, but when I had my radio stolen back in the day, police officer politely notified me that they know who generally breaks into cars to steal radios in my area, but unless it was reported in an hour or two, they won't be able to get it before it's resold or pin it on the culprit, so unless I need it for insurance, I shouldn't even bother reporting.

In cases like these, insurance mostly needs a paper trail, and police are very well aware of that, and they won't look for specifics. They'll probably even suggest what to fill in: that's at least my experience.

I feel for your experience though, and I wish you your car back on the road asap.

Re: How fateful?

#268

Post by ivan888 »

smeej wrote: post #38
zhte415 wrote: post #5

> It makes me feel very philosophical. Likely we had walked past each other every other week for three years with our heads down, or in the clouds, paying very little notice to the people around us. Past Channon had not the foggiest clue what impact an unnoticed stranger would come to have on her. Since learning this I can’t help but look at the passers-by in my day-to-day life in a different light. And no shame in g…

I was getting philosophical the other day for the opposite reason, looking at all the things that went slightly different than they would have been expected to go, or that I had previously wished had not gone "wrong," but if they had happened the "right" way, we never would have met. I don't think Google's spying can help me identify those, but in the end I'm grateful for the winding path that led here, even if I did…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjKFb-4t_vg

Re: How fateful?

#269

Post by chiefalchemist »

asdfasgasdgasdg wrote: post #254
chiefalchemist wrote: post #200

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Read the book. Once you come to realize the collecting of your data isn't "passive" and that ultimately, it's being done to be used against you - and your free will - your perceived benefits are insignificant. Put another way, being complacent and complicit not only sells-out your own privacy, it compromises the privacy of all those round you, your (future) offspring, etc. For what? Convenience?

I'm not going to read a whole book about this issue. I already know that the collecting of data isn't passive. I deny that it's being done to be used against me. I also deny any concrete harms for most people on the short to medium term, although the far future is hard to predict. Given that I deny the likelihood of harm to this data collection, I'm setting a concrete benefit against no drawbacks. Therefore I will co…

No drawbacks? You're naive (at best).

In some camps, a couple of years ago, the book was on a number of "Book of Year" lists. The issue is far less simplistic than you're making it out to be. That fact that you dismiss the risks and dangers is something - funny enough - covered in the book as well.

Leaving this for completeness:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Age_of_Surveillance_Capita...

p.s. Not passive, as in the aim is to be proactive (in influencing behavior). There are plenty of other sources that explore how fragile "free will" is, so maybe we can do that some other time? :)

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