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I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

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Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#261

Post by kashyapc »

mjg59 wrote: post #106

Growing up, the idea of a career in computing was implausible. The only computing course my school offered was scheduled against doing a full science course, and they had nothing for the 16-18 range. The local night school programming class I signed up for was cancelled because I was the only person who signed up for it. My parents made it extremely clear that the idea that I could ever make money writing software wa…

Hi, Matthew!

I've always found your technical talks, blog write-ups, and mailing list posts to be interesting and educating. And thank you for all the work you did, and do, in the various FOSS communities — that's already a significant impact for the better.

PS: It was a pleasure to interact with you at a few Linux Foundation events. I still remember the Edinburgh speaker event (2018, IIRC) where you've regaled us with some interesting "security incident" stories :-).

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#262

Post by r0rshrk »

Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

> I could try to progress my career, but I'm already earning good money and I know to earn more I'd have to either start job hopping or study some leetcode to get into a FAANG.

I know this was not the point of your comment, but trust me that one can pass FAANG interviews without grinding Leetcode.

If you're seriously considering a job search, I would recommend going through jobsearch.dev

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#263

Post by sirspacey »

jll29 wrote: post #117
mjg59 wrote: post #106

Growing up, the idea of a career in computing was implausible. The only computing course my school offered was scheduled against doing a full science course, and they had nothing for the 16-18 range. The local night school programming class I signed up for was cancelled because I was the only person who signed up for it. My parents made it extremely clear that the idea that I could ever make money writing software wa…

What you say is true, yet we should aspire high standards, so that we can find out what we are able to achieve. If you set your bar too low, you will never surprise yourself with doing what your previous self deemed impossible, but what your current self managed to do. Most people I meet can do a lot more, by my assessment, than they think they are capable of. Their own thinking then hinders them from trying, and it…

I love “positive-curious” it’s amazing state to be in & inspire others to take. I enjoy helping people develop into their full potential!

I too used to think setting a high bar was the way to get there. Maybe at the start it is.

But then, when I consistently reached beyond what I was capable of, the cost of downfall became overwhelming. After years of that, I couldn’t get back up again.

Then I asked a new question:

What if I let go of “should?”

The justifications for taking action were masking something very beautiful.

When the “should” is gone, what’s left is intrinsic motivation.

Turns out I’m curious & love trying new things. I also attract people like that & enjoy hanging out with them.

Now I’m doing the most impactful work of my life, but with much less pressure on myself.

Sometimes I worry about all the things I didn’t do that I thought I would. Rather than turn that into “I’ll get back on track” I simply acknowledge that I’m feeling sad & experiencing some fear about the meaning of my life.

The gift I get in return:

I can be open with my team that I feel afraid, breath, and refocus on enjoying the day.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#264

Post by photochemsyn »

Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

Time is relative. In the end, our planet is just a blip in the universe and when the sun goes it will be gone, and the universe will be unchanged, the same as if Earth had never existed...

As far as the point, well, philosophy is fun. Why is there something when there could be nothing? Why does the universe even exist? What's the point of planets? What's the point of life on planets? What's the point of human evolution? Maybe there are no discrete points, aka a continuum, and it's all pointless. Or maybe there are discrete points, indivisible subatomic particles. Or maybe we're all in a simulation?

For some the point is to continue the evolutionary process by breeding and spawning, like the salmon in the rivers do. For others the point is to amass as much wealth and power as possible so that they can be at the top of the human social hierarchy and enjoy alpha monkey status. Some invent supernatural beings and imagine life without end in an afterlife paradise. For others, the point is to push their minds and bodies to their limits by creating art, studying science, exploring the natural world, inventing technologies and so on.

Probably the saddest crowd is those for whom the point of life has become little more than buying the useless garbage the advertisers tell them to buy. It's not healthy for the mind and it's not healthy for the body, and it's leading to environmental catastrophe. Many people are miserable because they can't buy all the products they're told they're supposed to buy in order to acquire the patina of success (the antidote is to adopt an indifferent attitude towards advertising and its psychological manipulation strategies).

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#265

Post by stocknoob »

Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

Life is a musical thing, per Alan Watts:

https://youtu.be/ERbvKrH-GC4

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#266

Post by croon »

alexonaci wrote: post #141
Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

Agree, and this is definetly not a popular opinion nowadays. But you could try having kids. You’ll find the meaning like a fire under the arse

I can't disagree more with this. Absolutely do not bring a living person into this world in a coin flip over whether or not it might mean something to your own fulfilment.

I am a parent, and absolutely love it and find it extremely rewarding, but it's a ton of work and sacrifice. If both me and my wife were not going into it deliberately with the expectation of what it would entail, it would probably end up bad for everyone involved, especially the involuntary participants (our kids).

No one can tell you what it's like to be a parent, but do not become one without being prepared to put them first for a couple of decades.

If you are, then kids are amazing, and have brought us more joy than anything previously. Just be prepared for the cost (not just literally). I have seen plenty of regretful parents, even if never explicitly expressed.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#267

Post by fennecfoxen »

wmeredith wrote: post #257
Draiken wrote: post #235

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So is this the famous mid-life crisis everyone talks about? I never assumed this was it because I don't explicitly think about mortality all that much. I don't particularly mind that I'm going to die. I also haven't bought a Harley or have the will to do anything of the sorts. Guess I just have to figure out how to come out of it. It's been a slog and right now I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, hehe.

> So is this the famous mid-life crisis everyone talks about? It sure sounds like it. Regarding "buying a Harley" I think that can act as a shorthand for "realizing life is short and doing something for yourself now that you have the means and while you can enjoy it", which is a good idea in my opinion.

Oh, life is far too short for a Harley. Buy a Ducati or something. ;)

No seriously though the other reason 35-year-olds buy a motorcycle or convertible or similar pleasure vehicle is that they actually can afford it, unlike new grads just out of school? (I differentiate the pleasure vehicle from the utility vehicle; if you buy a little 125cc motorcycle as a car-alternative for zooming around town that's quite different than the speed machines, or the massive touring motorcycles that get SUV-grade gas mileage.)

Anyway, this is one of the positive parts of middle age — maybe you're not actually rich, but you're usually much better off then you were in your twenties, might have a good start on a home or a retirement, and can afford a few personal luxuries, or children.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#268

Post by stocknoob »

alexonaci wrote: post #141
Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

Agree, and this is definetly not a popular opinion nowadays. But you could try having kids. You’ll find the meaning like a fire under the arse

If you find something meaningless, you should bring others into it?

https://68.media.tumblr.com/1720120c34db164d142a9537087b1aa1...

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#269

Post by stocknoob »

croon wrote: post #266
alexonaci wrote: post #141

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agree, and this is definetly not a popular opinion nowadays. But you could try having kids. You’ll find the meaning like a fire under the arse

I can't disagree more with this. Absolutely do not bring a living person into this world in a coin flip over whether or not it might mean something to your own fulfilment. I am a parent, and absolutely love it and find it extremely rewarding, but it's a ton of work and sacrifice. If both me and my wife were not going into it deliberately with the expectation of what it would entail, it would probably end up bad for e…

Thank you for writing this. There’s an insidious motivation that you have kids for what they can give you (“solve my meaning problem!”) vs what you can offer them. If you gamble on kids giving you meaning and they don’t, now what?
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