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The benefits of staying off social media

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Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#261

Post by tayo42 »

GDC7 wrote: post #244
Domenic_S wrote: post #236

Earlier quoted context omitted.

why are you equating social anxiety with being a loser?

Social anxiety spurs from not being popular or commanding a presence in a room, not being in the "in" crowd. In short it spurs from not being a winner. The socially anxious person maybe knows at the intellectual level that social wins can be achieved by working the numbers game, but they are too apathetic or nihlistic or scared that their first attempt is going to be a loss which will further depress them. When you i…

I don't get what a social win/loss is?

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#262

Post by trutannus »

emodendroket wrote: post #260
trutannus wrote: post #254

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The issue isn't about "proving" or anything like that. It's simply that I don't want to have social media. That's my personal choice. Friends are folks who respect their other friends personal choices. > someone would like to get in contact with you but doesn't necessarily have your phone number I see this differently: nobody is entitled to my time, or to contact me. If you don't have the means to contact me, that's…

Well, if you see people wishing to contact you as an imposition I suppose your stance makes sense, but I think it is a grim way to live.

You don't appear to be seeing the important caveat here: if I want you in my life I make that happen. Random people I don't interact with contacting me out of the blue is not something I really want or need. It's entirely possible to be happy with the number of friends and contacts you have. That's not grim in the slightest, it's actually very nice.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#263

Post by pegasus »

ellinokon wrote: post #91
stackbutterflow wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What prevented Oracle, IBM et al to buy out Google, Facebook and Twitter ? Yahoo refused to buy Google.

Nothing more than complacency, maybe? A mistake I think the newer batch of Big Tech is eager not to make.

And just there's the rub: everyone's eager not to be complacent... until they're not - at least historically speaking.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#264

Post by tayo42 »

supernovae wrote: post #139
pkdpic wrote: post #12

> A futuristic dystopia. A place where the real world sucks. Where people consider talking to someone a chore. Connection, closeness, ambition are replaced by detachment and dogmatic slumber. Society is satisfied with shallow thoughts and the pursuit of artificially created stimuli in an imaginary world. Beautifully written top-notch orwellian poetry. Seriously inspiring. Also as someone who has only ever used social…

I sort of raged on twitter the other day that what we call "community" (while online) is sick. I'll take my example of Astrophotography - the "online community" is soul sucking, competitive and not nice at all - sort of hundreds of assholes all competing to be the biggest asshole... Yet, the astronomy clubs that meet in person that are shrinking in numbers and dwindling over the years (the comet just a little while a…

Where did you find an astrophotography community full of assholes? I'm fairly new and haven't seen much problems. Feel like online it's been fairly easy to find info and ask questions

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#265

Post by tayo42 »

Barrin92 wrote: post #177

I feel like I have the opposite problem, my social media is simply dead. And I'm only 29 years old so I'm supposedly in the prime demographic for it. My Facebook timeline is basically someone posting holiday photos every few months and annual birthday wishes. Everything is happening in personal WhatsApp groups with friends these days and it seems like my family/work/friend circle isn't on any 'newsfeed' type media at…

My social media is deadish too but idk if that's what people talk about when they say social media is a problem. I think it's more like endless scrolling of suggested content like when you run out of new posts on Instagram or explore page, or I think tiktok does something similar. Twitter and Facebook give you suggested posts and related but unconnected posts that go on and on.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#266

Post by hintymad »

redisman wrote: post #249
hintymad wrote: post #156

I would stay off social media too, as I did for years. I was a happy liberal. It was last year that changed my perspective. I found it was important to stay informed with channels outside of traditional media to know about politics, even though I had tried to stay away from politics or political news all my life. For instance, without social media, I wouldn't know that teachers in schools would tell my kids that they…

Wow sounds like you really got enlightened by all the right wing talking points they’re pushing on social media to get people enraged. Maybe try turning that off too and see how you feel in a month

That's the problem of the left or you: labeling. You don't like a piece of information, then it's right wing, it's racism, it's whatever you call. I just want to know if something true. Did CNN report say "a mostly peaceful protest" in front of a burning building or not? Did Joy Reid's guest say "black mouth running white idea" or not? Did Seattle government tell its employees that white people are racists or not? Did Smithsonian museum put up poster that says being objective is whiteness or not?

Well, I guess facts do not matter to you, just like facts did not matter to the Chinese back in the 1960s, right? Just your narrative, even if means that millions of people are hurt or killed.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#267

Post by ipdashc »

nobody9999 wrote: post #205
gameman144 wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I hear this all the time I'm these discussions, but I call bunk. Sure, small talk is filler content, but you're not going to jump straight into the more meaningful conversations with people you don't yet know. The filler small talk content isn't the substance, it's the launching point for those more substantive conversations. For instance, maybe you got the hat at a concert in Wichita, and this person at the gas stat…

>The filler small talk content isn't the substance, it's the launching point for those more substantive conversations. While that's certainly possible, it doesn't need to be a launching point for anything . It can just be an offhand remark, a chuckle and a reply and off you go. Not every interaction needs to have some sort of agenda or goal associated with it. At least that's how I see it.

I agree completely.

Continuing the conversation, and using it as a launching point for something substantial, is a reasonable reaction.

Stopping the conversation with a friendly dismissal, a "chuckle and a reply and off you go" as you said, is a reasonable reaction.

Reacting rudely and thinking "who are you, why are you subjecting me to the labor and chore of talking to you?" is not a reasonable reaction.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#268

Post by ipdashc »

irrational wrote: post #113
ipdashc wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Where people consider talking to someone a chore. This bit in particular really hit me. I've noticed a rising trend around the Internet (or maybe I was just blind to it before), mostly on Reddit, of people who really do seem to consider any sort of real-life social interaction a chore and an attack. I forget the exact context, I think the conversation that stood out to me was about someone in a gas station or somet…

> Most of us consider (or used to consider; and I'm not even old) that enjoyable. Eh, I’m 50 years old and don’t really use social media (certainly not Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, twitter, etc.). I don’t even really text other people. But, I don’t agree with your sentiment. I’ve never understood people who want to have small talk with strangers. It is the opposite of enjoyable.

That is completely fair. And I agree it doesn't have to be enjoyable, nor do we all have to specifically seek it out, or even engage in it when offered. But to call it "labor" or "a chore" or (I've even seen this once) an "attack" just seems... excessive, and indicative of an unhealthy mindset.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#269

Post by ipdashc »

tomjen3 wrote: post #175
ipdashc wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Where people consider talking to someone a chore. This bit in particular really hit me. I've noticed a rising trend around the Internet (or maybe I was just blind to it before), mostly on Reddit, of people who really do seem to consider any sort of real-life social interaction a chore and an attack. I forget the exact context, I think the conversation that stood out to me was about someone in a gas station or somet…

It is perhaps not a chore to you, but if you have social anxiety it can be a big deal. Social Anxiety isn't the same as being an introvert. For an introvert it can still be a great experience, it is just that it drains him of energy.

My whole issue, however, is the glorification of social anxiety and the conflation of social anxiety with introversion - exactly as you said yourself, they are not the same thing.

An introvert would probably avoid small talk and would quickly tire of it, yes. I'm definitely not the biggest chatterbox myself. But to see the simplest form of small talk as a "chore" or "labor" - like it's some kind of hostile attack - feels far more like social anxiety than introversion. And social anxiety is not a good thing. We shouldn't be glorifying it. It leads to unhappiness, and life problems, and is considered to fall under the umbrella of mental health for a good reason.

As this thread implies, it's mostly social media, particularly the Reddit crowd, that is hell-bent on glorifying harmful social anxiety and making it out to be just as benevolent as simple introversion.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#270

Post by nobody9999 »

emodendroket wrote: post #226
nobody9999 wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I don't think asking "just text me instead, I don't have Facebook" is really that high of a bar. Frankly, someone who's going to cut contact because they don't want to text me isn't really worth the effort in the first place. Exactly. The way I look at it is this: I want to be around folks who want to be around me. And not all of those, either. If you can't be bothered to stay in touch, then you obviously don't want…

I think it's pretty realistic that someone would like to get in contact with you but doesn't necessarily have your phone number or a way to ask you for it. And sometimes it's nice to catch up with old friends even if you weren't super close, especially if you find yourself in a new area. I think the idea of trying to make people "prove" they're your real friends and cutting the people who don't reach the threshold ou…

>I think it's pretty realistic that someone would like to get in contact with you but doesn't necessarily have your phone number or a way to ask you for it.

Who, exactly, would that "someone" be? If they don't know me, what would possess them to decide "oh gosh, I just adore Nobody9999. I wish I had some way to get in touch with him/her/they/xe. That sucks!"

>I think the idea of trying to make people "prove" they're your real friends and cutting the people who don't reach the threshold out of your life is a way of making your life a lonelier one.

You completely misunderstand my point. I will assume good faith (but given what I said and your reply, that stretches credulity, but I will try) here and explain:

I don't make anyone do anything.

I also don't beg people to spend time/energy on me. Relationships (of all kinds, familial, professional, platonic or romantic) are a two-way street.

If someone is only willing to interact with me through a particular medium, and if I don't they want nothing to do with me, how important am I to that person?

And that, like all relationships, goes both ways.

Someone I only interact with online ain't my friend. At best they're an acquaintance. If there's something more there we both will make the effort to maintain our relationship.

Anyone who's had any sort of personal relationship knows that they take work to maintain. That's a two-way street.

Some rando on the 'net ain't my friend. Or at least not until we both make the effort to change that.

Honestly, I'm not really sure why this needs explaining.

Edit: Corrected spelling (of my own name, no less) error.

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