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What If You Could Do It All Over?

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Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#261

Post by tunesmith »

bmc7505 wrote: post #222
acwan93 wrote: post #8

This reminds me of “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath, which has a quote Aziz Ansari used in his series “Master of None”: > "I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor,…

This reminds me of a speculative fiction story by Ted Chiang called "Anxiety is the Dizziness of Freedom" which imagines an expendable device that gives users the ability to contact alternate versions of themselves in other branches, and explores the moral and psychological consequences of learning about those outcomes: https://onezero.medium.com/anxiety-is-the-dizziness-of-freed...

There's a pretty good 4-season tv show about that concept called Being Erica. It mostly aired in Canada.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#262

Post by rubicon33 »

hn_throwaway_99 wrote: post #149

I went to a specialized high school (as a semi-anonymous account don't want to give too much detail), and as such more than a few of my close high school friends went on to be famous in their chosen profession, and a couple starred in some fairly well known movies. I ended up going to a top university, and one of my roommates ended up founding a successful internet company you've all heard of. My first job out of col…

> one where I have the natural talents or extra drive or whatever that is needed to grab that brass ring.

It's interested that you didn't explicitly list "luck". I get that it's considered distasteful, but it's the reality of the world we live in - much of one's success comes down to dumb luck.

That said... I feel the same way as you do. For some reason I have always wanted more than I seem able to achieve. I strive, and I strive, but because of this or that short coming, or chance, I don't seem to reach the "brass ring".

I'm trying these days to just find peace and happiness with my life. I haven't jumped off the treadmill entirely, I've just turned down the speed. If I start a company and make millions some day, great. If I don't... if I end up a career man my whole life, but live comfortably with my wife... well, that's great too. I'm going to let go of the rudder a little bit and let the boat sail itself for a while.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#263

Post by tunesmith »

ekanes wrote: post #185
costcopizza wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel the exact same way, and am the exact same age. But we’re 29, not 49 or even 39. There’re still figs on the tree.

46 year old here. Wave I remember feeling like I'd wasted so much time and was irreversibly behind in my twenties. Like, it was all decided. There are so so many figs left. Many many chances ahead of you! That said, time is ticking and while it isn't too late, now is the best time to start!

Yeah, when I was younger I remember feeling like I kept abandoning all my ideas. Years pass, and you realize that the ideas are still there, and it's more like you're rotating between them. Which is kind of a nice way to be. Work on one for a while, set it down, go to the next one, etc.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#264

Post by [deleted] »

Apocryphon wrote: post #215
Eremotherium wrote: post #206

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The paradox of twelve steps is that you are supposed to consider yourself at powerless and submit to your higher power yet at the same time every failing is only down to you and resets all progress.

I make no claims about the program as a whole, I was just dropping a reference to another situation where people ascribe religiosity to a reference to god or higher power that could easily be secularized, if preferred, for the sake of personal development.

[deleted]

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#265

Post by akhilcacharya »

ekanes wrote: post #185
costcopizza wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel the exact same way, and am the exact same age. But we’re 29, not 49 or even 39. There’re still figs on the tree.

46 year old here. Wave I remember feeling like I'd wasted so much time and was irreversibly behind in my twenties. Like, it was all decided. There are so so many figs left. Many many chances ahead of you! That said, time is ticking and while it isn't too late, now is the best time to start!

> I remember feeling like I'd wasted so much time and was irreversibly behind in my twenties.

To be honest I've felt like this since I was 18 and it never went away. What made you realize this wasn't the case?

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#266

Post by kortilla »

selimthegrim wrote: post #64
rayiner wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The nice thing about a culture that exalts “I raised kids and they turned out well” as a “life well lived metric” is that its broadly accessible. You can be born below average in intelligence and creativity and still be a good dad or mom, participate in local civic organizations, etc.

What if your kids reject you and want nothing to do with you?

You can still be proud of a child who doesn’t want to talk to you.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#267

Post by dmje »

Lovely piece.

I'm struck by how many of the comments revolve entirely around career choices. I wonder if that's a us bias or a world bias or just a HN bias. Career can be consuming but it's only a facet of life's choices, not the whole thing. Maybe it's the bit we feel we have most agency over. Either way, interesting.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#268

Post by warent »

ternaryoperator wrote: post #259
warent wrote: post #160

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've never really understood what this means. Did people in their 20s have their life pretty well together in the past? or does it mean when you're in your 30s is the best time to start partying and throwing caution to the wind? Is your 30s when you first leave home and get a higher education? It's really a really confusing turn of phrase to me. I must be missing context

In my parents' generation, there was a lot of pressure to have children before 30. There was a widespread belief that giving birth after 30 risked the health of the mother and the child. As medicine advanced and neonatal care greatly improved, that deadline was pushed back and women started to seriously entertain the idea of careers before having children. There are other cultural and societal factors at play, but th…

This is interesting because I'm 25 and sometimes worry that I'm going to miss out on the opportunity to start a solid family. It feels so difficult to find anyone my age who wants more than just a fling, and women in their 30s don't even bother with someone my age or they already have kids. From what you're saying, maybe I'm not going to miss out, I'm just thinking about it too soon.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#269

Post by aruss »

bmc7505 wrote: post #222
acwan93 wrote: post #8

This reminds me of “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath, which has a quote Aziz Ansari used in his series “Master of None”: > "I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor,…

This reminds me of a speculative fiction story by Ted Chiang called "Anxiety is the Dizziness of Freedom" which imagines an expendable device that gives users the ability to contact alternate versions of themselves in other branches, and explores the moral and psychological consequences of learning about those outcomes: https://onezero.medium.com/anxiety-is-the-dizziness-of-freed...

The title is a Kierkegaard quote :)

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#270

Post by kortilla »

at_a_remove wrote: post #237

Perhaps the only productive thought that comes out of ruminating on this topic is, come the revolution, the guidance counselors will be first against the wall. Honestly, I had no idea that the profession of actuary even existed , but I would have likely been rather good at it, having built my own primitive statistical laws as a kid playing with dice and taking grad-level courses in stats as an undergraduate. And grac…

Guidance counselors often have this but have to walk on eggshells because they can’t tell most kids that their parents’ careers were terrible decisions. That results in rage calls, complaint letters, etc.

So they have to take this dumb approach of “assist the teenager with the barely developed brain do whatever whimsical shit he/she wants that might haunt them for life”.

“Sure son, being a clown sounds pretty cool. Here are some 4 year acting degrees that cost $180k. That sounds high but don’t worry because you can easily take it all out in government loans. But it probably be worth it because these are the top schools in the country!”

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