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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#261

Post by DSingularity »

sad-throwaway wrote: post #211

No... but I'm not sure what to do about it I spoke with a therapist, but it hasn't helped me much; he basically admitted he didn't know what to suggest. Maybe I'm weird, and need to find the right therapist, which is what people suggest when I tell them this hasn't been that useful What else can I do, HN? I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any close friends and people only talk to me at work about work. I do…

Your life is meaningful today because a tomorrow will come where you will find what you are looking for. The future and the present are inextricably linked. I think that we all through descents in our life. Don't think less of yourself and don't give up. Look for new ways to find what you are looking for. Travel. Seriously, just pack up your bags and travel. If your job and your city aren't working for you just turn your back and leave. Try some third world countries. You will find their people endearing.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#262

Post by celim307 »

satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

Do you live somewhere where theres meetups for your interests? If not, move somewhere that does. Mental health should be your #1 priority, you should have something to look forward to.

Every decently sized city I lived in, the 'nerdy' interests had a sizable population, and was even mainstream.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#263

Post by Qworg »

tasogare wrote: post #206

Situation degraded over the time. I'm a beginning PhD student in a small lab in a top university of the country I live. Basically every of my projects have been cancelled. A paper I was writing and cared about for a small conference too. I'm forced to write something for a really hard conference about something that's not my idea on a topic I don't care. I have a "special" treatment: I have to point most of the work…

As someone who had a less than ideal PhD experience, while exiting ABD feels like a failure in the near term, the long term impact is very low, unless you're desperate to remain in academia.

In short, you don't have to take the abuse - I'd look to change major professors.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#265

Post by Javantea_ »

theossuary wrote: post #183

I'm transgender and have struggled with it my entire life. I spent years using drugs to cope; I'm sober now but feel like it's too late to make any changes. I also work as a contractor, so expressing myself feels dangerous, I worry it'd be harder to get new client work. I'm doing well professionally, but it all feels hollow and pointless. Like I'm just running in place till I keel over. Thanks for asking, it helps to…

I hope you feel better. Don't worry too much about work, risks are justified when you feel like it's time. Let me know if I can help.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#266

Post by q5jwB6bD »

I'm sure that there are people in this thread that are in a lot worse situation than me but ... I could use some damn friends. Especially local ones with the same interests/hobbies.

Also, my job is super boring. I have an advanced degree, multiple certificates, years of experience, moonlight as a consultant, and I write basic SQL SELECT statements in solitary confinement every day. I've tried to convince my organization multiple times to use me to my full potential.

I worry about my health when I retire. Sitting behind a desk for the majority of the day, every day, is not going to end well.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#267

Post by zanny »

hliyan wrote: post #187
dyadic wrote: post #49

Not really. My country is being ripped apart, everyone seems so hateful against the other, the government talks about record employment level and pay while people are using foodbanks and sleeping in the streets. My own life is great by the standards that people usually use to measure success. But it feels so empty. I'd rather check out and go and live in a cave on a hill, but all the land and caves have been parcelle…

I'm fairly certain we're from two different countries, but you pretty much described my feelings to a T. I wonder if this is a normal pattern, or whether the world is going through some sort of slow breakdown with no recent historical precedent?

Information has never been this universal and dense before. A half century ago the only tragedy or suffering you were widely exposed to was that between the bounds of your daily commute and whatever the local news station decided to talk about for half an hour every day. And negativity from everywhere is leaky, and being exposed to a whole planet of it puts in scope the scale of everything broken in the world in a way that to 99.99% of individuals is untenable to even approach improving.

Theres a reason there is a correlation between intelligence and suicide rates or why if you have someone in your family with down syndrome they always seem happy. The wider your perception the more you realize how little you can actually do to influence it. The narrower the easier it is the less there is to worry about.

Nobody has the perfect answer to this problem of course, but one option I like is to budget time for it. Spend a few hours a week "trying to fix the world" and then resign the other 164 hours to trying to fix and improve yourself. If you have explicitly allocated time for something and budget for it its less invasive in the rest of your life. Hopefully. Doesn't work for everyone.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#268

Post by SolaceQuantum »

sad-throwaway wrote: post #211

No... but I'm not sure what to do about it I spoke with a therapist, but it hasn't helped me much; he basically admitted he didn't know what to suggest. Maybe I'm weird, and need to find the right therapist, which is what people suggest when I tell them this hasn't been that useful What else can I do, HN? I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any close friends and people only talk to me at work about work. I do…

Find other therapists. Search around. Therapists are just people same as any other people. Finding one that clicks with you will help.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#269

Post by phdchat »

tasogare wrote: post #206

Situation degraded over the time. I'm a beginning PhD student in a small lab in a top university of the country I live. Basically every of my projects have been cancelled. A paper I was writing and cared about for a small conference too. I'm forced to write something for a really hard conference about something that's not my idea on a topic I don't care. I have a "special" treatment: I have to point most of the work…

May I ask in which school are you studying?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#270

Post by smhenderson »

ishi wrote: post #146
smhenderson wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Forgive if I missed something but where did the parent mention HR? I ask because I agree with your assesment about the environment they are in and my first thought was to ask "have you talked to anyone in HR?". Otherwise totally agree, especially the part about not giving up!

My goodness! I'm positive the poster wrote something about talking to HR and they said others complained too but nothing ever changes. Did he edit his post, or am I hallucinating?

Not sure, that's why I asked. :-)

Maybe confused it with another post? I do that a lot around here... And there seems to be a lot of people today in similar situations.

Regardless, as others have mentioned, the environment they are dealing with is wrong and if HR isn't the solution perhaps legal action that others mentioned would be the way to go.

To the parent poster, I hope things get better soon for you. Stay strong and do your best to get out of there as soon as possible!

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