‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’ • Hacker News Board

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#261

Post by rolleiflex » Thu, Nov 29, 2018, 8:14 PM UTC

digianarchist wrote: post #108

40acres wrote: post #18

Everyone around us is fighting their own little war. I've felt similarly to the writer -- I moved out of my childhood home the day after graduating college and started work that Monday. I only moved 215 miles (NYC to Boston), but it felt a world away, especially considering most Americans live relatively close to where they grew up and 215 miles in Europe goes a long way. I've made and abandoned friends at almost eve…

Your story has a similar outline to my own. I moved from the UK to Canada which has been excellent for my career but at the same time has put enormous strain on my relationships as I just don't get to see people thanks to splitting a really shitty vacation allowance (3 weeks Canada wtf). Now I'm torn between putting down roots in Toronto, moving out to the sticks, moving to Europe to be close to everyone or doing the…

3 weeks is good. It took me 3 years to get to 3 weeks vacation in the first company I was at. I was a product designer working for Google.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#262

Post by 40acres » Thu, Nov 29, 2018, 8:14 PM UTC

icsllaf wrote: post #211

40acres wrote: post #18

Everyone around us is fighting their own little war. I've felt similarly to the writer -- I moved out of my childhood home the day after graduating college and started work that Monday. I only moved 215 miles (NYC to Boston), but it felt a world away, especially considering most Americans live relatively close to where they grew up and 215 miles in Europe goes a long way. I've made and abandoned friends at almost eve…

If you've been with your girlfriend for 13 years, how have you guys been managing the movements? Does she follow you to your new job or do you follow her?

When I was in Boston and her in NYC we would drive up every other weekend to visit. I moved to the west coast and tried to make one trip every other month while we did the long distance thing.. she eventually got a job at my company and for the past two years we've been living together. However we both are about ready to move again and are preparing to be separated again, but this time we're trying to align our movements to reduce the amount of time we'll be apart.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#263

Post by rsync » Thu, Nov 29, 2018, 8:14 PM UTC

CPLX wrote: post #68

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain. You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today. And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking. Racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older, shorter of br…

"We live in a consumerist culture increasingly dominated by those with a financial interest in keeping us ignorant of this fact, but that doesn't make it any less true."

One of the more subtle, but powerful cultural subplots in the TV series "30 Rock" was the salutation that Dennis Duffy[1] would greet Liz Lemon with whenever she involved him in her life:

"Hey dummy..."

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_30_Rock_characters#Den...

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#264

Post by rayiner » Thu, Nov 29, 2018, 8:16 PM UTC

J-dawg wrote: post #124

It’s politically incorrect, but I feel like feminism has sold a massive lie to women like this. Admittedly much of what she describes could apply to either gender, but it’s women who are hit hardest by fading looks and declining fertility. It used to be accepted cultural knowledge that if a woman desired marriage and children, she should probably spend her ‘best years’ looking for and committing to a husband. Now you…

I wouldn't call it feminism, but the lingering effects of the sexual revolution, which was dominated heavily by male interest. (Read Dworkin's "Right Wing Women." TLDR version, the sexual revolution was heavily influenced by male desire to make women more sexually available: https://www.feministes-radicales.org/wp-content/uploads/2010... (pp. 94-95)) Iliza Shlesinger has a great point about this in one of her routines.

> You’ve also been holding in… your intentions. We have this really nasty habit in our society of labeling women very cruel and unfair things when they express their desire for very normal things. Monogamy, exclusivity, a relationship, a family, babies. Right? We like to call them desperate, sad, psychos, baby crazy. “We’ve been married for six years. She already wants a kid! I’m a fuck man! They can’t get me.” It’s very normal to want these things.

https://scrapsfromtheloft.com/2018/07/30/iliza-shlesinger-el...

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#265

Post by ashika » Thu, Nov 29, 2018, 8:16 PM UTC

J-dawg wrote: post #124

It’s politically incorrect, but I feel like feminism has sold a massive lie to women like this. Admittedly much of what she describes could apply to either gender, but it’s women who are hit hardest by fading looks and declining fertility. It used to be accepted cultural knowledge that if a woman desired marriage and children, she should probably spend her ‘best years’ looking for and committing to a husband. Now you…

As other posters mention, no path in life is guaranteed to be fulfilling for all individuals. Given that, you shouldn't feel sorry for anyone who has had the opportunity to lead their life according to their own principles. And that is all "feminists" want, the ability for women/all people to be considered equal, responsible agents.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#266

Post by tandr » Thu, Nov 29, 2018, 8:16 PM UTC

balls187 wrote: post #87

balls187 wrote: post #81

Perhaps people of my age were lucky to have had this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdQbb3FXSEI

Full Lyrics: Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99 Wear Sunscreen If I could offer you only one tip for the future, Sunscreen would be it The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience... I will dispense this advice now... Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth oh nevermind; you will not understand the…

I did not know it, but apparently the song(?) was inspired by an article from Chicago Tribune

https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/chi-schmich-s...

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#267

Post by csomar » Thu, Nov 29, 2018, 8:17 PM UTC

J-dawg wrote: post #124

It’s politically incorrect, but I feel like feminism has sold a massive lie to women like this. Admittedly much of what she describes could apply to either gender, but it’s women who are hit hardest by fading looks and declining fertility. It used to be accepted cultural knowledge that if a woman desired marriage and children, she should probably spend her ‘best years’ looking for and committing to a husband. Now you…

Not only feminism. The media, the government, capitalism and globalism. Everyone is selling lies. It is how it works: You should not believe what they tell you. Probably doesn't work in your advantage either.

Think about it like the stock market: Would you buy a stock that it is being pumped by the media. Maybe yes, maybe not. But if someone is profiting it is probably not you.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#268

Post by thwy12321 » Thu, Nov 29, 2018, 8:18 PM UTC

yholio wrote: post #73

> And with men I date, I feel pressure to make something of the relationship too soon (move in, get married, “I have to have kids in a couple of years”; fun times!). All the while still trying to be the sexpot 25-year-old I thought I was until what seemed like a moment ago. It sounds like going from one end of the spectrum (aventuros, yolo) to the other (a family, fast), all while punching above their weight, so to s…

This is the elephant in the room that most people don't want to discuss. Young women get confused, they are able to "short term date" men out of their league and so then balk at men who are their equals. I've seen a number of awkward marriage dynamics where the women was used to dating men of higher caliber than the man she married.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#269

Post by leadingthenet » Thu, Nov 29, 2018, 8:18 PM UTC

digianarchist wrote: post #99

ThrustVectoring wrote: post #39

I could give better advice in a single sentence. To wit, "you should schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist to get screened for adult ADHD." These life problems are classic adult ADHD symptoms. Moving cities every few years. Not being able to hold down a long-term relationship. Your "who-knows-what-number" job. Debt from poor and impulsive decisions. Lack of internal drive. Difficulty making and keeping friends.…

What's the solution to that? Ritalin?

Ritalin is a great solution, actually. It completely changed my life for the better.

Don't dismiss a solution just because "it's a drug". It is, but for people who truly have ADHD, it's so much more.

Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

#270

Post by minitel » Thu, Nov 29, 2018, 8:18 PM UTC

jf- wrote: post #223

GlenTheMachine wrote: post #145

This probably won't be popular, but what the hell. I feel like, if you strip away the outward trappings and dogma, this is what religion is good for. Not in a "believe in Jesus" or "trust in God" kind of way, but in a "how to orient your life" kind of way. Which is to say, the actually useful portion of religion generally teaches that your best life is probably not focused on you. It isn't about finding yourself, or…

That’s more a value system, or maybe an ideology, than a religion. Though I’ll agree the two do more or less occupy the same cognitive space. There is no need for anything mystical to be involved. Today we are experimenting with new phenomena that have never been available to humanity en mass. Effective birth control, gender equality, freedom from restrictive social norms, all of these are very new, and indeed evolut…

> Today we are experimenting with new phenomena that have never been available to humanity en mass. Effective birth control, gender equality, freedom from restrictive social norms, all of these are very new, and indeed evolutionarily novel.

In brief, I would sum this up as "modernity."

> Eventually through trial and error, and a kind of evolutionary process, we’ll figure it out, and then that will get passed down as the new value system.

It has been said, by some philosopher or other, that "modernity selects for those who don't adopt it."

It means, when you look around the world, the people having the most babies are the people who have adopted the least of these new aspects of society. At this rate the future ought to look more like the past than like a continuation of the trends we see today. Just due to the fact that our modern society depresses birth rates.

Maybe there will be mitigating factors? Perhaps we'll reach a balance? Unknown.

One interesting demographic fact. If current birthrates persist the United States of America will be majority Amish by 2200. Something to think about. ;)

https://twitter.com/epkaufm/status/1007971672950018048

https://unherd.com/2018/06/amish-shakers-can-teach-us-demogr...