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Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

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Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#261

Post by AnIdiotOnTheNet »

stagger87 wrote: post #180
dmortin wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't most people on dating apps actually look for dates, instead of just for some chat?

Most dating sites let you specify your intentions, and many of them offer a "Looking for friends" option.

Yeah, but I think that option is mostly used as a way for women to keep men from messaging them so they can message the ones they choose without being constantly harassed by throngs of men they aren't interested in. Not that it works, a lot of men message anyway because they never read the profile in the first place. A better strategy is to identify as homosexual and explain in your initial message that you do that to keep creepers from messaging you. Of course, then you have to let down some actual homosexuals, but I imagine that's a lot smaller pool to filter.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#262

Post by callandreturn »

ironjunkie wrote: post #257
callandreturn wrote: post #255

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hm. As a woman, I can't say I've ever thought of harassment when men have started friendly conversation with me. Is that not a bit of an exaggeration? If a man catcalled "nice tits" or something, then yeah, that would be harassment. But conversation? Not nearly the risk your describing, I don't think.

I agree with you, but I think people avoid even the possibility//higher risk associated with the awkward start of the conversation. I work in tech and some of my male coworkers privately tell me that they avoid talking to womens they don't know at networking events or at conferences because of the way it might be interpreted nowadays.

I think there's a difference between initial awkwardness or fear of rejection -- which are totally valid feelings in social interaction, and not just limited to men -- and fear of being accused of harassment for making polite conversation.

I also think that it's easy to get sucked into circle-jerks that promote and exaggerate these fears of being accused of harassment. As long as you're considerate and respectful, no reasonable person would think you're harassing them. There are always unreasonable people, that shouldn't divide us into men vs women, into groups that fear interacting with each other.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#263

Post by AnIdiotOnTheNet »

tc7 wrote: post #31
coryfklein wrote: post #15

For a long time I've been wanting a "Tinder For Platonic Adults" app. I'm not looking for romance or sex, but I want to find nearby matches with similar interests; do you drink, play board games, are you married, how many kids and what age? There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them . I'm a friendly guy and would love to have that friend that feels comfortable…

It does sound nice. Once you're an adult, does anyone have these sort of relationships/friendships, or is this a thing that only exists in Seinfeld?

At one time I made a friend at work and we got along so well we became a gestalt entity, always referred to as the pair "AnIdiotOnTheNet and OtherGuy", with quite a few people not sure which was which. It wasn't quite Turk and JD, but it was pretty special. Sadly I kinda fucked it up by having a bad bout of some mental health issues, and then since it was a temp job we parted ways and I never saw him again.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#264

Post by callandreturn »

pixelperfect wrote: post #260
callandreturn wrote: post #255

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hm. As a woman, I can't say I've ever thought of harassment when men have started friendly conversation with me. Is that not a bit of an exaggeration? If a man catcalled "nice tits" or something, then yeah, that would be harassment. But conversation? Not nearly the risk your describing, I don't think.

Most women would not consider such an ordinary social interaction to be harassment, but suppose a small fraction do - being perceived or accused of harassment is such a negative thing that it can be a strong deterrent even if there's a low chance of it actually happening.

My following reply to ironjunkie is a reply to your comment as well -- I think what you said would be such a shame.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#265

Post by astura »

ryandrake wrote: post #94
Rotdhizon wrote: post #9

I think a huge factor is the growing theme of social interaction being unacceptable. Back in the day you could walk up to and make friends with almost anyone, it wasn't weird to interact with strangers, thus making new acquaintances. Modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction, don't talk to people you don't know if you don't want to be ostracized. You could want to befriend someone in a crowd, but come up wi…

I think we can learn a lot from kids in this area. My six year old is so much more open and tolerant than I. Her thought process: “you look like my age, let’s play and be friends!” And now the parents are arranging playtime next week. Just like that! We adults could learn a lot from that outlook.

Seinfeld did a bit about this:

>Of course when you're a kid, you can be friends with anybody. Remember when you were a little kid what were the qualifications? If someone's in front of my house NOW, That's my friend, they're my friend. That's it. Are you a grown up.? No. Great! Come on in. Jump up and down on my bed. And if you have anything in common at all, You like Cherry Soda? I like Cherry Soda! We'll be best friends!

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#266

Post by maym86 »

The title:

> Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

Vs the actual result of the study:

> 46% of Americans report sometimes or always feeling alone

I would have thought everyone feels lonely sometimes and I'm more suprised it is not higher. The title is clickbate.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#267

Post by marnett »

selestify wrote: post #209
marnett wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All people have defense mechanisms that cause this. They judge the very things they wish they themselves had the courage to do. It's overwhelmingly natural and very hard to realize in the moment.

What's the point of such defense mechanisms?

You can't get anxiety over missed experiences that you have convinced yourself to despise, I suppose. Too many rejections after trying to make new close friends? I don't need them. Too many rejections trying out for an improv troupe? I don't feel like doing that anymore. Etc, etc the list goes on and on.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#268

Post by s-shellfish »

pixelperfect wrote: post #260
callandreturn wrote: post #255

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hm. As a woman, I can't say I've ever thought of harassment when men have started friendly conversation with me. Is that not a bit of an exaggeration? If a man catcalled "nice tits" or something, then yeah, that would be harassment. But conversation? Not nearly the risk your describing, I don't think.

Most women would not consider such an ordinary social interaction to be harassment, but suppose a small fraction do - being perceived or accused of harassment is such a negative thing that it can be a strong deterrent even if there's a low chance of it actually happening.

Most men aren't psychopaths, but a small fraction are. Perceiving all men as such even if there's a low chance of it actually happening...

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#269

Post by nshelly »

androidgirl wrote: post #196
Torwald wrote: post #179

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> rarely speak with the drivers because it feels so awkward and strange If you decide to not do something just because it feels strange, you will limit your growth in many ways. Everything you haven't done very often feels strange. Step out of your so-called comfort zone, make that a habit.

Entirely fair criticism and I am aware that the isolation I am in is self imposed, at least to a degree! Thank you. I am reasonably good at pushing myself at other things, like my career or learning new things. I just need to take that step with my social anxiety as well.

Is there a form of exercise you enjoy? Even walking is fine. Put on a podcast and go for a stroll (longer the better). Then afterwards, use the momentum and sense of accomplishment to push yourself to try something "strange" or out of your comfort zone. I think with Uber/Lyft drivers, I agree that the conversation in the car is very fleeting, so it's important to invest and try to build new relationships that will be more long-lasting (e.g. like a sports club, board games group, book groups, etc).
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