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Diamonds Suck (2006)

diamondssuck.com

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Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#261

Post by chc »

thaumasiotes wrote: post #226
ejcx wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow. It's very difficult to respond to you civically. We've been together for a long long time. It is amazing what people you don't know on the internet will assume about you. There was no alternative before this article. Cubic is cheap and tacky. Diamonds are overpriced and awful. Lab diamonds not much better. This article has a real alternative. That's a huge contribution to all diamond haters everywhere.

> Cubic [zirconia?] is cheap and tacky. What does this mean to you? Why isn't it true of silicon carbide? I find it odd to see the simultaneous complaint that one clear cubic crystal is "cheap", but another is "overpriced". What do you want the price to be? Why?

"Cheap" as a criticism is not usually about price, but about perceived value.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#262

Post by NumberCruncher »

ftrflyr wrote: post #100
digitaltrees wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Use the difference in price on a down payment on a home/apartment or open a college savings account for your kids. Tell the truth, you want to build a life together and are thinking about the long term financial and personal consequences of this decision. I bought a ruby for my wife for this exact reason. I also wanted to show our community that we rejected diamonds as a tradition. I think the more we discuss this is…

This doesn't work. I have tried it. She (my GF) just argues with me about any purchase I try to make that is around the ballpark of what she is expecting me to pay for a ring. e.g. Her: So you want a new MacBook Pro, but you can't afford a $3000 engagement ring? Me: No, I need a MacBook Pro for work. This has been going on for quite some time now.

In a situation like this it is quite impossible to give a good advice.

I would recommend you to read the book How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World. Not because of your question regarding the diamond ring but generally.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#263

Post by Dove »

thebiglebrewski wrote: post #14

Can anyone give me advice on how to convince my girlfriend of this though without her thinking I love her any less :)?

Girl here. The comments you've gotten so far are going about this the wrong way. Arguments about price, ethics, practical tradeoffs are the dead wrong tone. Proposals should be over the top romantic; you'd never suggest skipping a beautiful or dramatic location to save money, right?

Beyond that, this isn't just about how she feels about it. Everyone she knows, relatives, friends, is going to want to see the ring and hear the story. To all of them, a diamond is the gold standard and a cheap substitute will be an awkward counterfeit. Even if you convince her, you are signing her up to have the ultimate celebration of her, the once in a lifetime birthday party, turn into a lot of awkwardness and sympathy. Bad deal.

Ignore the cost. It's impolite to ask and moissanite is expensive enough. If what you do looks legitimate enough, no one need know. The critical key is that you sell this as better, representative of more thought, more effort, more investment on your part.

Focus on that you're doing something different. Something special. Design a custom ring that speaks to you about who she is. Focus on the ways in which the stone is superior to a diamond. It is unusually brilliant which reminds you of her. It is tougher, harder than what everyone else takes for granted. You mounted it with blue stones for her eyes.

Make it personal and in every possible way, about her and as much as possible tell a story that will make her friends wish someone that thoughtful cared about them enough to do something truly special rather than checking the expected box.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#264

Post by thaumasiotes »

chc wrote: post #261
thaumasiotes wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Cubic [zirconia?] is cheap and tacky. What does this mean to you? Why isn't it true of silicon carbide? I find it odd to see the simultaneous complaint that one clear cubic crystal is "cheap", but another is "overpriced". What do you want the price to be? Why?

"Cheap" as a criticism is not usually about price, but about perceived value.

The value of a courtship gift is its price.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#265

Post by NumberCruncher »

bluedevil2k wrote: post #247
thecatspaw wrote: post #245

Earlier quoted context omitted.

a 3k MBP provides a lot more value than a 3k diamond ring if used correctly, a 3k MBP is a netgain

And a wife is a net loss monetarily. I guess you shouldn't get married then

You seem to get emotional. Because a guy on the internet does not want to by her GF a diamond ring? Why do you care at all?

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#266

Post by tedunangst »

Ironchefpython wrote: post #258
lacampbell wrote: post #196

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Until now, it's been non-negotiable. I really hate to be a random person on the internet giving personal advice but... diamonds being "non-negotiable" seems like a huge, glowing, neon warning sign. Don't be surprised to find out a bunch of other things are non-negotiable if you divorce.

> diamonds being "non-negotiable" seems like a huge, glowing, neon warning sign It's deeply ingrained in Western culture. Think about it like eating dogs. There's no rational reason not to use dogs for meat, but most Westerners would throw a hissy fit rather than eat dog meat. So don't assume the prospective bride is unreasonable. In fact, assume the opposite, as she was able to read a rational explanation of the iss…

Horse may be a better example. Meat from carnivores tends to concentrate more toxins, which actually is a rational reason to avoid it.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#267

Post by aquadrop »

bluedevil2k wrote: post #228
ftrflyr wrote: post #96

I told my girlfriend (5 years) how I feel about diamonds and that I reject the very notion of buying a diamond engagement / wedding ring early on in our relationship. Several months ago, we landed on the marriage conversation, again. I reiterated that I am against diamond engagement bands. She then said: "What about a wedding ring then?" I told her it applies to wedding rings as well. We got into a heated argument an…

Just buy her the diamond! If it's something that she really wants, then don't let your own feelings get in the way of that. Thats really selfish. Kind of the gist of being married is compromise. I mean, seriously, a ring could be had for $3k. You're going to throw away a 5 year relationship with someone you'd like to be married to because you won't buy her something that costs the same as the new stupid MacBook? She'…

> Thats really selfish

And it's not selfish of her to demand spending tons of money 'just because'? Of course each case is individual, but the whole situation can be a signal for a bunch of bad things (bad with money; can't use logic; don't care about man's feelings; etc). Maybe it is right thing to do to cut losses now.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#268

Post by [deleted] »

joshkaufman wrote: post #66

I'm the OP - surprised to see this at the top of HN today, but happy to post a quick update: My wife and I have been happily married for ten years now. She loves her ring, and it has held up extremely well. (She just had the band resized, absolutely no issues with the stones.) No one has ever thought it was anything other than a diamond ring, which includes several years of daily scrutiny from crazy New York City bri…

[deleted]

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#269

Post by matthewaveryusa »

ejcx wrote: post #112
joshkaufman wrote: post #66

I'm the OP - surprised to see this at the top of HN today, but happy to post a quick update: My wife and I have been happily married for ten years now. She loves her ring, and it has held up extremely well. (She just had the band resized, absolutely no issues with the stones.) No one has ever thought it was anything other than a diamond ring, which includes several years of daily scrutiny from crazy New York City bri…

I sent this to my SO and she now wants one instead of a diamond. Until now, it's been non-negotiable. Thanks for writing. I did not want to buy a diamond :)

I gave my wife a moissanite and seeded are to-be joint saving account with the 10k we saved. You just have to remember that the burden of wearing the moissanite is on the woman. The choice is obvious but the social pressure is huge. Women love to look at other women's rings and chat about it. If she is open to the idea, just remember that she's the one being brave and breaking out of the mold more so than you :)

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#270

Post by emodendroket »

pessimizer wrote: post #123
emodendroket wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nobody has ever been the least bit bothered by my non-diamond choice of an engagement ring for my wife.

What part of "behind your backs..."

Do you not find it's the case that you can generally perceive when people are talking behind your back?
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