Two words: partner dancing
For me it was Argentine Tango. For others maybe salsa, swing, ballroom, etc. I seriously cannot overstate how great dancing is.
How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
251–260 of 453 posts
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#2521. Get a sports car. 2. Pull up to a nice place (night club, resturant etc) 3. Problem solved.
-.-
Its quite simple making friends , you just need to feel confident and if you start doubting yourself just start to count 1,2 before you reach 3 do it , and soon that hidden voice will disappear and the confident grows.Feeling sorry for your self will be the worst.Am a developer and the first thing i do say hi to people randomly in the morning and any time and listen to a station like Capital UK find it amazing and even as i punch code ,,,you mind is knowing something that is happening and if you are the type of music guys you still enjoy .
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#253The two most valuable things I learned in high school:
* Most of the time, people are too worried about themselves to worry about you. For you, that means if you talk and smile, people will not care about your English. Yes, they'll notice it. They may even say to themselves, "His English is not good!" But if you act like it's not a problem for you, it won't be a problem for them.
* Schedule conversations and times to check in with people. A lot of posters here mention maintaining relationships, and many say it's hard for them. Just schedule it in! "Call Tony. Figure out conversation topic... hmm, just got new job, ask for advice." Or "Call Tony. Ask about his new car." Have a topic to start with and then see how things go. Maybe you just want to invite some people to a Mozart concert. The conversation might end after that, or it might continue. Either is ok.
A weird cultural thing: in Europe if I smiled as much as I do in the Midwest of the US people would/do think I'm a little disturbed. In the US people smile a lot. An Asian-American male friend has commented that people think he's angry sometimes when he is simply looking into the distance and deciding whether he needs to pick up cereal today or tomorrow. I'm sure this is not true for everyone, but maybe think about what others see when they look at your expression.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#254People who feel lonely eventually become resentful and self-centered; the smallest social interactions gain major significance and are often perceived as hostile.
There's a fundamental truth: You're obsessing over self-imposed issues. http://goo.gl/Doyja
Share your professional/personal experiences to the world. Join communities, attend conventions and get socially involved. Once you start looking for it, you won't believe how many opportunities are waiting for you every day. Be PROUD about yourself and CURIOUS about others as well.
Think about this: by not sharing yourself, you're making a disservice to anyone near who happens to feel the same as you. Everyone is just as "awkward" as you when it comes down to human connections.
People deeply appreciate when you take the burden of breaking the ice; it's the first sign of being CARING – a core quality of any friend!
Being POSITIVE is an attitude, not a mood. You can be sad, and yet still show the confidence to overcome adversitites. Being positive is not only about self-confidence, but about INSPIRING confidence to others. Again: share yourself!
Lastly, don't let failure get into you; don't expect everyone to become your friend, or you might fall again into the self-centered spiral.
I had been through that too. If you'd like an e-mail pal, feel free to contact me. :)
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#255Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the South Bay is the worst area I've lived in America for meeting people, especially ladies.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#256Here is a lesson I've learned the long, hard way after 30 years of being a strong introvert: it's not how or where you meet people that counts. It's how you stay in touch. Look around you. Every day, in every situation imaginable, there are hundreds of ways to meet people. There really are. You could strike up a conversation with a stranger on a subway. You could ask for some advice from the girl ahead of you in line…
> If you're a true introvert, your biggest enemy is yourself. It's your desire to be alone. It's your preference for living by yourself, for quiet moments away from others, for nights spent at home, watching Netflix or playing games. Making friends means making an effort to hang out with them, even when it doesn't seem like the most immediately pleasurable, comfortable, or convenient thing to do at any given moment.…
This.
I'm not a true introvert, but I am shy (particuarly when encountering new people) and do need social down-time to recharge.
I typically don't go out of my way to plan social events. But, when invitations are offered, I almost always accept them. I avoid large bars and clubs, but enjoy going out for a meal or drink with friends at smaller locations where we can sit and socialize.
Also, my main hobby is competitive cycling. It works well for the type of interactions I prefer. Training rides can be anything from solo rides in the country to large groups in the city. And when riding in a group, it's perfectly acceptable to ride along in silence. It's almost a perfect sport for introverts. That said, there is a high level of jargon and definitely cliques, so it can be difficult for shy people to get started.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#257Here is a lesson I've learned the long, hard way after 30 years of being a strong introvert: it's not how or where you meet people that counts. It's how you stay in touch. Look around you. Every day, in every situation imaginable, there are hundreds of ways to meet people. There really are. You could strike up a conversation with a stranger on a subway. You could ask for some advice from the girl ahead of you in line…
"If you're a true introvert, your biggest enemy is yourself. It's your desire to be alone"
Yes and Yes.
In a way, it's not too different than, say, weight loss.
Thinking rationally, you know that, on the medium/long term, it would be better for you to exercise and eat healthily (go out, meet people and be social), but it's easy to give in to short term satisfaction and eat that bag of chips and tub of ice-cream (stay at home and watch a movie/play videogames).
But the OP seems to be shy rather than introvert, to be fair.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#258I think it's something that can only be learned by oneself, and cannot be told by anyone else.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#259A lil background. I worked my ass off, for a cs degree thinking once the money will rake in, I'll get a girlfriend, friends and all the life style I wanted. Once I got a job, I found myself going right after work studying coursera class ML, to find a better paying job to support my parent. Eventually I ended up depress... I started to workout again and eventually reconnect with my college friends. Unfortunately it wa…
Inception anyway I read a lil more in your doc and just wanted to share my "stack". Or how I approach people.
Generally it's a comment on what they have.
But I usually go up to a girl and:
Me: "You have really nice hair."
Girl: Thanks!
Me: How's your day going?
So eventually opening isn't really bad it's the middle part. I started out with interview question. How's your day? What are you up to?
Yeah I know very boring but doing this enough time you'll eventually figure out how to make it not boring.
The thing is you're trying to find subjects that they want to talk about or that you guys "connect".
One approach is cold read.
Which is you're not from around here? Or you're... Chinese. Guessing their ethnicity. It's fun. With this in mind you can go into subject of here they're from and what's good to eat there. Learning how to thread a conversation is important.
Learning how give an interesting answer is equally important btw. If they ask you a question most of the time they want you to ask them the same question.
An example would be how's life? If they ask you that and after you answer it you should ask them that too! Cause you have to contribute to the conversation.
Also if they ask you interview questions. You just learn how to answer in interesting way.
What do you do?
Have you watched office space? Where the guy go stuck working in a cubicle and got 7 bosses that he have to report and work under? Eventually he got sick of it?
"Yeah!"
Well, I'm the opposite, I actually work in a cubicle and rather enjoy it. Thankfully I dont' have 7 bosses.
edit:
You practice all these different aspect/tricks of conversation separately. Figure out where in your conversation skill is lacking and practice.
Keep on practicing until it become natural. It'll seem contrive at first but eventually it gets easier.
edit2:
If I ever in SF we should hang out and grab a beer. I'm always down to have new friends anyway.
Unfortunately for the forseeable future I'll be in LA.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#260Here is a lesson I've learned the long, hard way after 30 years of being a strong introvert: it's not how or where you meet people that counts. It's how you stay in touch. Look around you. Every day, in every situation imaginable, there are hundreds of ways to meet people. There really are. You could strike up a conversation with a stranger on a subway. You could ask for some advice from the girl ahead of you in line…
Friendships don't just click into place on the first interaction between two or more people. They depend on proximity and frequency. They take time to develop
I think this is what most people mean when they say "I need to meet people". Yes, you meet people every day, but often the circumstances are very poor for establishing friendships. No matter how good you are at friendship maintenance, circumstances are important for beginning a friendship unless you are just incredibly good at starting friendships.