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The happiest I've ever been

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Re: The happiest I've ever been

#251

Post by lukan »

tasuki wrote: post #247
lukan wrote: post #232

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Tldr is, people find fulfillment without children easier nowadays" Do they? Or have most just become too distorted to feel allright filling their emptiness with empty online debates and netflix? I know people who are really happy without kids (and who will never have them), but the majority is rather miserably lonely when you look past the facade. And with many, there isn't even a facade.

The parents aren't lonely, but they're tired and mostly miserable. I haven't asked "why should I even try" in ages. The question "how do I even manage this hell" has been on my mind more often.

Well, unfortunately I also have asked myself that question way too often, but I cannot agree on the "mostly miserable" part when comparing childless single persons and parents. Life can be hell, but with kids you don't ask the question so much why even get up - because the purpose is clear. There are people depending and counting on you.

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#252

Post by Kiro »

> If I could give any advice to someone who needs it, I’d tell them to write down the things that have made them happy, and then explore why.

> But I really hope to live in a world where my future kids find sitting in front of a rectangle all day to be dystopian and cringe.

What if sitting in front of a rectangle is the thing that makes you happy?

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#253

Post by Gareth321 »

lukan wrote: post #232
tokioyoyo wrote: post #228

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, everyone I know who doesn’t have a child/not planning to have zero connection to Reddit or anything online. Tldr is, people find fulfillment without children easier nowadays. And as they watch other going child free or 1-2 children, they realize that life is possible nowadays.

"Tldr is, people find fulfillment without children easier nowadays" Do they? Or have most just become too distorted to feel allright filling their emptiness with empty online debates and netflix? I know people who are really happy without kids (and who will never have them), but the majority is rather miserably lonely when you look past the facade. And with many, there isn't even a facade.

Kids are a cheat code to finding fulfilment. Some rare people are able to make it themselves, but they are the exception. I think most people who post on social media about living their best DINK lives are either lying to us, themselves, or have never experienced fulfilment and confuse it with margaritas on the couch with Netflix.

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#254

Post by teodosin »

mjdiloreto wrote: post #156
bityard wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I look at it like this: Yes, AI can write code. It can write it much faster than I can. Sometimes it can also write it better than I can. But: programming languages, libraries, and abstractions are not going away. It is still possible (and might always be possible) to get deep into the weeds of Python or Rust or whatever to understand how those work and really harness them to their full potential, or develop them fur…

I mostly share your perspective, but I don't know if I would share your emphasis. Lines of code for dollars used to be a trade businesses made with developers out of necessity, but soon it will only be economically viable to make that trade with AI providers. So not only will going deep in the weeds not be compulsory, understanding anything about any programming concept will become economically void (though not void…

Good thinking on the relationship between machine and world. Very reassuring.

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#255

Post by electrosphere »

lr4444lr wrote: post #147

As someone who taught kids in person and fell into a deep depression with how Kafkaesque that job was and then found so much more gratification as a SWE, all I can say is, the author's experience is not universal. (And I am a parent, so it's not about disliking kids.) I will say though that remote work is definitely dystopia. I need an office and the presence of people physically.

I work mostly remotely, recently our Fibre internet upgrade left us without internet for a week. It forced me to work from a nearby university library - which turned out to do wonders for my mental health.

I found a little thriving town in the university with all the important things I needed and the most important thing of all: human social interaction and seeing people around me.

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#256

Post by electrosphere »

bloomingeek wrote: post #32

My new goals are: Seek beauty, Seek happiness and Don't make people sad. With a lot of effort, it's working. However, I soon discovered the last goal was the most difficult. Long story short, I keep my mouth shut a lot more. I feared, at first, that this would make me feel I was compromising myself somehow. But I also discovered that sometimes when I shared my opinion, knowing it was correct, I would later regret how…

As I get older I've realized that speaking less and just listening more has a LOT of value

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#257

Post by JuniperMesos »

joshkojoras wrote: post #249
bengale wrote: post #35

In the nicest possible way, this is basically the oldest lesson there is. You weren’t happy because you optimized your feelings or had the right opinions. You were happy because you stopped focusing on yourself and became responsible for other people. Six kids needed you, in the real world, every week. That kind of outward focus kills emptiness fast. Chasing happiness, moral righteousness, or political engagement jus…

^^ This comment sums up the entire philosophy of happiness very well, although you first have to go through life to get the context to understand it. I'm over 40 and single and childless. I work in Tech, have a good salary, a house, a car, investments and a second property. I have everything people work for in life but I'd give it all up for a family. I wish I hadn't been so proud and arrogant and full of myself when…

Children are not typically known for sitting quietly in a room alone. Blaise Pascal himself was unmarried and childless, and died at the relatively young age of 39.

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#258

Post by tasuki »

lukan wrote: post #251
tasuki wrote: post #247

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The parents aren't lonely, but they're tired and mostly miserable. I haven't asked "why should I even try" in ages. The question "how do I even manage this hell" has been on my mind more often.

Well, unfortunately I also have asked myself that question way too often, but I cannot agree on the "mostly miserable" part when comparing childless single persons and parents. Life can be hell, but with kids you don't ask the question so much why even get up - because the purpose is clear. There are people depending and counting on you.

> but with kids you don't ask the question so much why even get up - because the purpose is clear.

No question about that. My life has become simpler in many ways: the annoying big questions have gone away.

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#259

Post by gehsty »

Amazing story congrats on being a great coach - this kids will remember you and that experience.

My experience on tech as a parent (3 kids under 10), I find their time on iPads etc playing games, music and audio books to be good for them (they don’t get grumpy after it, and particularly playing Roblox with their friends online is great fun - real halo 3 vibes for me), watching shows they get quite difficult after if the have watched for extended periods (smaller the screen the worse it is), but if they get access to anything with a constant scroll / stream of things they go haywire. My son found YouTube on his nanas iPad and mainlined it for half an hour and then went crazy. My daughter lost it over browsing Amazon.

We are withholding social networks & scrolling video as long as humanly possible, but difficult when you don’t want them to miss out on anything, and there’s an element of controlled exposure…

Again great story, makes me want to sign up as a coach. Sorry for the tangent!

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#260

Post by gehsty »

lr4444lr wrote: post #147

As someone who taught kids in person and fell into a deep depression with how Kafkaesque that job was and then found so much more gratification as a SWE, all I can say is, the author's experience is not universal. (And I am a parent, so it's not about disliking kids.) I will say though that remote work is definitely dystopia. I need an office and the presence of people physically.

Super interesting to hear your experience, I agree that it is very dystopian. I have put up with it (with effect on my performance and somewhat my mental health), to be around my family more. Things like doing pick up and drop offs at school consistently has been wonderful.
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