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What really happens inside a dating app

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Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#251

Post by cultofmetatron »

lmm wrote: post #145
scarface_74 wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Women don’t need men anymore in the developed world. Men are luxury goods and women are completely happy to live without. A man isn’t needed but merely wanted and only wanted if he fits a very particular set of criteria. I’m not accusing you of being an incel (I’m really not trying to be sarcastic). But this has some real incel vibes. Are you a 2 only trying to date 10s? And I am not looking down from you from on h…

They probably are literally involuntarily celibate. Women in the west are choosing, quite reasonably, to hook up with the top 20% of men and ignore the rest. I'm not saying that as a blame thing - I don't blame them, I might make the same choice in their position. But the result is that the bottom 80% of men have practically no options - and no, lowering their standards doesn't help, it's not a problem of having pote…

> Women in the west are choosing, quite reasonably, to hook up with the top 20% of men and ignore the rest.

Ive been living abroad the past few years and it was night and day. in america, intimacy was a rare thing. outside the country, I've had zero issues finding partners who I find extremely attractive. Some of my well meaning friends back home warn me that they are "only interested in money" but I've never spent more than a meal at a decently priced restaurant for two. My current gf is significantly hotter than women who reject me back in the states and the only expensive thing about her is her love of instax photography. (that film ain't cheap, learn from me and do not get one of those cameras for your gf)

TLDR: if western women arent' interested in you, do everything you can to be able to sustainably live outside the bubble.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#252

Post by swores »

DiggyJohnson wrote: post #177
d4mi3n wrote: post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most people (all sexes and genders) are bad at handling rejection, period. It’s why online dating is popular in general—a rejection over a digital medium is a lot less intimidating and less confrontational than the same in person.

The rate and experience of rejection does not seem to be symmetrical across the sexes by a significant degree. Of course nobody likes rejection, but this point doesn’t really advance the discussion.

They were responding to "women are worse at handling rejection", and if they disagree with that (as I do too) then it is advancing the conversation to say so, even though it doesn't advance a part of the conversation that specifically explains dating app use.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#253

Post by yieldcrv »

smelendez wrote: post #213
thr0w wrote: post #111

Funny thing is that when dating apps used to be "browse profiles, send message", nobody had to debate inner workings. Users could self select people of interest, send them a message directly, and know there'd be a very good chance that their profile/message would at least be seen. Issue today is that apps control visibility, both in terms of profiles and likes. I've tried Hinge a few times. Did like a 4 month initial…

I think Hinge was better when it was new. Probably people who try a new, non-sleazy dating app early on are more serious about meeting someone and more active, so you get more and better matches. One problem I’ve realized lately is that a lot of people are on dating apps because they feel like they have to be to meet someone, but they don’t actually enjoy chatting online and may not even be very good at it. Apps prob…

Hinge has a great user interface undermined by the theme of deep intentional relationships

A lot of people join specific dating apps by the theme

So you get a large percent there just because of the pacing and look, and then a large percent of actual dates that are like “wait I thought casual hookups werent part of this app”

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#254

Post by yieldcrv »

marinmania wrote: post #30
bongoman42 wrote: post #5

Interesting data in the article though nothing unexpected for people who follow this space. Some notable points: > The other thing that interests you is the like ratio, or the openness, among 100 profiles that the user sees, how many of them does he like? (The median for men is 26% and for women is 4%.) >The like ratio of a girl is almost independent of the profiles she sees. For example, if a girl has a like ratio o…

I have a theory for the swiping behavior of women. When they swipe right, it will most likely be a match, and they mentally don't want more than X active conversations at a time. This strikes me as rational and reasonable. For men, most swipes will not be a match, so less reason to ever think about swiping left to maintain a certain swipe pecentage. Just a theory!

Women complain about the poor quality of conversations they encounter

We should do a study on that itself, because I think guys are having quality conversations, pulling teeth with an entitled beautiful woman they are prioritizing, and everyone else is waiting for the guy to lead and there is no bandwidth left! so guys spread themselves too thin to procedurally lead every new conversation after accumulating matches

while girls are particular on the matches

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#255

Post by eloisius »

yieldcrv wrote: post #253
smelendez wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think Hinge was better when it was new. Probably people who try a new, non-sleazy dating app early on are more serious about meeting someone and more active, so you get more and better matches. One problem I’ve realized lately is that a lot of people are on dating apps because they feel like they have to be to meet someone, but they don’t actually enjoy chatting online and may not even be very good at it. Apps prob…

Hinge has a great user interface undermined by the theme of deep intentional relationships A lot of people join specific dating apps by the theme So you get a large percent there just because of the pacing and look, and then a large percent of actual dates that are like “wait I thought casual hookups werent part of this app”

> Hinge has a great user interface

Why do you say so? IMO Hinge obscures all the relevant details of a persons profile into the tiny, horizontal scrolling thing. Age, location, family plans, etc. all crammed in here, and then the best real estate dedicated to stupid prompts that are almost invariably “I go crazy for… amazing food!” “One thing you should know about me… My ig @hotgirl”

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#256

Post by yieldcrv »

jameslk wrote: post #158
kazinator wrote: post #112

The qualities that women find attractive in men cannot be captured in a static profile on a website ... plus most of the men in that site are there because they don't have those qualities. Let's just say that if you can open your mouth enough to say hi to a woman without hesitation, you are completely wasting your time on dating sites.

If you’re good looking, you’re not going to be wasting time on apps These days, saying hi seems to be risky for more reasons than rejection. Maybe more so if you’re not good looking. Hence the apps

> These days, saying hi seems to be risky for more reasons than rejection. Maybe more so if you’re not good looking. Hence the apps

Its actually not, and that so many guys believe that just leaves the field unguarded

What women say online about not wanting to be approached practically anywhere is a vocal minority, and other women don't even see these conversations

Positive interactions with men are not even categorized as the ones that annoyed them, despite the interaction being the exact same. so it remains up to you to figure out where you are on that totem pole

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#257

Post by mettamage »

throwaway314155 wrote: post #100
mettamage wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yea, hacker mindset is what I applied with Tinder. It worked wonders, went from 1 to 100 matches per month. I feel like having a hacker mindset with dating in general works wonders. Oh, and not having social anxiety of course. It took a long time to not have that.

Sorry but if I ever start growth hacking my fucking tinder profile promptly push me off a cliff. edit: Sorry for the inflammatory language. Not one of my finer moments.

I get it man. A part of me feels the same way. The practical part of me however decided just to get on with it

Online dating is toxic, and I fought it back with toxic and somehow through all of that I found my dream wife and I tol her all about what I did. She agreed that what I did was toxic, but that there's a "the means justify the end" ethics at play since we found each other

With that said: I don't think the dating scene should work this way. It's too much based on being photogenic and having beautiful looks. And this comes from someone who knows the ins and outs of training charisma and finding a potential partner that way (still possible but not in the initial steps of online dating)

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#259

Post by xn--yt9h »

Thanks for this detailed post. While I think most are aware of the broad situation, it's impressive to read it all laid out like that. And whenever the author tried to make a statement about guys, the gist of it was "we don't know, it doesn't matter, boys will stick around". Made me chuckle.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#260

Post by knighthack »

d4mi3n wrote: post #136
globular-toast wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Another theory: when you swipe and don't get a match, that could be considered a rejection and women are worse at handling rejection (probably due to never having to learn to deal with it). Men, on the other hand, have to learn to accept rejection so little is felt when almost all swipes don't match.

Most people (all sexes and genders) are bad at handling rejection, period. It’s why online dating is popular in general—a rejection over a digital medium is a lot less intimidating and less confrontational than the same in person.

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