251–260 of 443 posts
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Book clubs if you like reading fiction. I'm happily married, but the only guy in a book club of 20.
When I was a single, I went to a book club, all women except me, and I couldn't relate or get any small talk in. I am somewhat introverted, so it was very difficult.
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"Working on yourself will lead you where you want to go" sorry, but this is one of the worst lies ever.
If you get on a train, you are statistically more likely to reach your destination than just sitting on your ass. Yes, you may die in a fiery trainwreck, but getting on the train will lead you in the direction to where you intend to go. If you do nothing, expect nothing. If you attempt to work on your personal problems, be they psychological, physical, financial, whatever, you are more likely to make a change in your…
Donkeys may be slow but they’ll get you there eventually.
No need to immediately jump on a fast train when things will eventually turn around…or not.
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He lives in Germany too, where it takes way more effort to turn an incidental encounter into something more. And I agree with you. I think, for a lot of these guys, if you literally never ever get a good chance, then of course that you go into "monk mode". I only fell in love the first time at 22, because I met a girl who I found amazing. The second time at 28, again because I very randomly met a girl who was amazing…
> He lives in Germany too, where it takes way more effort to turn an incidental encounter into something more. This is a classic, I've heard people say stuff like this in basically every country that I visited. I don't think it is something that can be measured, it's just something super subjective and a bit of a stereotype. From my experience, I've noticed that typically individuals will say this of people with thei…
People are nice enough, just not "friendly"
> I don’t think women’s rights should be up for discussion just because some men don’t get laid That’s not the point. The places of men and women were clear before, now the current narrative is that women were oppressed and men were oppressor. That is a false reading of history. The biggest difficulties were put on men to sacrifice themselves for their family, country, society. Now we find ourselves in a culture that…
Being able to buy your neighbor’s daughter for a couple goats and a milk cow seems pretty oppressive to me.
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> "Introversion is the state of primarily obtaining gratification from one's own mental life". If this is true, then why do we find so many introverts in online forums?
At the risk of everyone wanting my head on a pike: A. We don't really know what introversion and extroversion are. B. The higher the IQ, the more likely they are to qualify for the label "introvert." So in at least some cases, it's possible smart people just give up on trying to connect socially because they get a lot of negative feedback from other people and it's mostly downside for them, so they stop bothering. Mo…
My completely unscientific experience (n=1) of having a major mental health breakthrough and “becoming” and extrovert after years testing as an introvert tells me a few things.
1. For a variety of reasons, some people have extreme difficulty making mutually supportive connections and/or have no service familial attachments
2. There are compensating structures in the form of small safe groups that are lower risk or share a common yet outsider connection (obscure music, complex systems, historical or obsolete collections etc…) that lend themselves to a different “pace.”
3. In some cases, a combination of factors, mental health issues, lifestyle and life issues etc… mask a self love that can represent as something shameful in being expressive and thus after perceived or real rejection or failure many people just give up trying to put the effort in and become comfortable in that lifestyle.
That’s in the best case however, and assumes you can find an affinity group. Unfortunately it’s getting harder to get people together cause everyone’s just trying to survive they don’t feel like they have time to spend building community.
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As someone wiser than me once commented -- nobody is going to knock on your door. If you want to meet people, you have to get out there and do things that put you around people.
> do things that put you around people. I tried skiing through which i met tons of people but very few single women. Tried bjj, no women at all. Hiking and camping groups, again no single women. I still do all of these activities but very few women. I've actually never met a woman ,single or otherwise, mountain biking, which is my main goto in summer. Truth is that women don't generally do a lots of activities.
I'd strongly disagree with this. They seem to be organising and doing things constantly, in my experience (married 40s male).
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So... how does one actually meet women?
Same way you meet any type of human. Participate in activities where socialization is a part of the activity, either intentionally or not; and actively socialize when the opportunity presents itself. As a basic filter for activities, look for things where many people participate in physical proximity, the activity has periods of intense focus and then lulls, and without a taboo on talking. It helps if the activity at…
I think the word that Rosenstock was searching for, was "Introvert"[1]. I'm an introvert who had the good fortune to marry another introvert, and live contentedly with her for 40+ years. Following her death a few years ago I reflected on the differences between being part of a couple, and being solitary. There were many. Health maintenance was one; somebody else in this thread has already commented on married men liv…
> So my advice to Rosenstock would be to seek another dedicated introvert. With respect; why? 40 years ago the future looked very different. None of you felt urgency regarding global warming, faced the same cost of living fiasco, spread of drought, fire, mass migrations, political instability, and whatever conspiracy driven idiocy social media will unleash next. There is no divine mandate humanity carry on a particul…
It's defeatist. I feel you, sure- but it's like religion or politics- to each their own.
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From the comment you replied to: > Yet we can never honestly discuss them because people have a hard time controlling their emotions about it. Nobody here has said that women are baby machines or any such thing. Get control of yourself.
I'm in control of myself, thank you for your concern. Perhaps you should reread that comment, I think it may have escaped you. Have a good day.
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At the risk of everyone wanting my head on a pike: A. We don't really know what introversion and extroversion are. B. The higher the IQ, the more likely they are to qualify for the label "introvert." So in at least some cases, it's possible smart people just give up on trying to connect socially because they get a lot of negative feedback from other people and it's mostly downside for them, so they stop bothering. Mo…
I really think this nails it. My completely unscientific experience (n=1) of having a major mental health breakthrough and “becoming” and extrovert after years testing as an introvert tells me a few things. 1. For a variety of reasons, some people have extreme difficulty making mutually supportive connections and/or have no service familial attachments 2. There are compensating structures in the form of small safe gr…
I also know of a case of a bright child who consciously chose to stop playing to the crowd after they started school because it didn't go good places.
People act like extroversion and introversion are some kind of hard wired internal set point and seem oblivious to the myriad ways humans get taught to be one thing or another and that some people change in reaction to outside influences.