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The benefits of staying off social media

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Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#251

Post by MeinBlutIstBlau »

GingerMidas wrote: post #134
MeinBlutIstBlau wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it's because reddits user base has significantly decreased in age. I have been using it since late 2012, which even then I felt like a late adopter. The content on Reddit back then was like a more ”normie" version of HN and slashdot. It had good articles consistently with maybe 1 or 2 default meme subreddits. Then Reddit started cutting down content it didn't like and now it's just a leftwing cesspool of anti…

Have you considered the target age hasn't changed, but you're just a decade older now?

Yes and no. Reddit is nothing what it once was. I do wholly recognize that reddit has typically had a younger audience. But it was not as "we need a socialist revolution, hyper-progressive moderatism, 1 letter top comment"-y as it used to be.

On a post about a guy who ran a company and sued himself, I couldn't find the TL;DR until like 15 comments in. All the preceding comments were like "genius!" or "It's perfectly legal so he's smart!"

It feels like Reddit is actively hostile toward actual contributors. They just want eyeballs and clicks. They could care less about the rest. It's just as bad as facebook nowadays.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#252

Post by watwut »

ryandrake wrote: post #229
tgittos wrote: post #164

One thing this article doesn't bring up but I have observed in myself since quitting social media about 4 years ago is the pain of living in a world where nobody holds the same values as you do anymore. Yes, all these benefits will come to you from opting out of social media. You'll grow, learn and appreciate your own life more, and at the same time feel more and more isolated from the world around you. You'll find y…

> My own friend circle has shrunk about 90% since I quit social media, and it's not just because everyone else is on social media. Everyone has a phone. The problem is people don't care. Sorry to be blunt, but I think if one leaves social media and sees their friend circle shrink, I've got bad (or maybe good) news for them: Those people weren't really your friends. Part of the problem is with how we define "friends"…

Afaik, in English friend was always anyone you was at good terms with. "This is my friend, John" never implied super close relationship. It could be a guy from high school you haven't seen 7 years.

The other thing is that people organize tool borrowing and mutual help on social media now. Even close knit groups who helps each other a lot do it there. When you leave social media, you also left group. Just like in old times not showing up anymore in that common tavern meant leaving the group.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#253

Post by watwut »

trutannus wrote: post #130
emodendroket wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I mean I'd rather not arbitrarily cut off friends for frivolous reasons like what means they like to use to contact me.

I don't think that's what they're getting at. My understanding of this was that "people who actually care about you will find a way ". Someone who does not actually care about you won't bother. So chances are, if the person was only in contact with you because you're on Facebook, they don't really care about you in the first place. Cutting off someone who can't be bothered to get in touch with you is pretty normal.

So basically you are setting up the friendship test by deliberately making it harder to reach you. And then you guilt people who don't jump over obstacles you create.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#254

Post by trutannus »

emodendroket wrote: post #226
nobody9999 wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I don't think asking "just text me instead, I don't have Facebook" is really that high of a bar. Frankly, someone who's going to cut contact because they don't want to text me isn't really worth the effort in the first place. Exactly. The way I look at it is this: I want to be around folks who want to be around me. And not all of those, either. If you can't be bothered to stay in touch, then you obviously don't want…

I think it's pretty realistic that someone would like to get in contact with you but doesn't necessarily have your phone number or a way to ask you for it. And sometimes it's nice to catch up with old friends even if you weren't super close, especially if you find yourself in a new area. I think the idea of trying to make people "prove" they're your real friends and cutting the people who don't reach the threshold ou…

The issue isn't about "proving" or anything like that. It's simply that I don't want to have social media. That's my personal choice. Friends are folks who respect their other friends personal choices.

> someone would like to get in contact with you but doesn't necessarily have your phone number

I see this differently: nobody is entitled to my time, or to contact me. If you don't have the means to contact me, that's because I don't want you to contact me. If I want you to be able to reach me, I will make it simple for you. Be that an email, phone number, or what-have-you. That someone random can't reach me on a whim is not a bug, it's a feature. If someone expects me to facilitate that for them, then they have a sense of entitlement to other's time. That's a them problem, not a me problem.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#255

Post by watwut »

Domenic_S wrote: post #243
watwut wrote: post #238

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Exposure therapy is not the same as randomly triggering the person. It is not going into situations where you will fail either. It is quite deliberate process where you expose person to dose the the person can handle with some difficulty and then you give them break to recover.

There are many strategies and pacing that exposure therapy can take (the link I provided has several examples); the slow, deliberate process you describe is one of them, as is what's being described upthread.

If you don't do it deliberately, it is not therapy tho.

And there is effect of becoming oversensitive when encountering strong stressor randomly and often. I stead of getting less sensitive people can start reacting more aggressively at smaller threat.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#256

Post by micromacrofoot »

gameman144 wrote: post #231
micromacrofoot wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>But it's also totally fine to try to start a conversation with someone. I would agree (and really wish I could) if most people would recognize disinterest and stop there, but anecdotally I'd say half the time it's met with anger or some form of pointed dissatisfaction. People have outright touched me to get my attention about some off-hand comment I ignored initially. It's frequent enough where I'm conditioned to st…

> I can not support any kind of small talk under the reality of what comes along with it. Eh, I can understand that, but in my mind this seems like one of the purest instances of not letting the assholes co-opt the thing I like. Some people can't take no for an answer in loads of contexts. In my mind, the proper response is to call those people out for their misbehavior, stigmatize those bad actions, and let the vast…

Thanks for the understanding, and I totally get that your experience is different from my own.

I just don't feel like I have the physical or mental capacity to call everyone out, though I'm incredibly grateful for those who help out if someone's clearly being bothered in public (especially men calling out other men who are just out there hitting on strangers). Bystanders have gotten me out of a couple very uncomfortable situations in the past.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#258

Post by micromacrofoot »

nobody9999 wrote: post #205
gameman144 wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I hear this all the time I'm these discussions, but I call bunk. Sure, small talk is filler content, but you're not going to jump straight into the more meaningful conversations with people you don't yet know. The filler small talk content isn't the substance, it's the launching point for those more substantive conversations. For instance, maybe you got the hat at a concert in Wichita, and this person at the gas stat…

>The filler small talk content isn't the substance, it's the launching point for those more substantive conversations. While that's certainly possible, it doesn't need to be a launching point for anything . It can just be an offhand remark, a chuckle and a reply and off you go. Not every interaction needs to have some sort of agenda or goal associated with it. At least that's how I see it.

The "launching point" is often the scary part. If I knew that every remark from a stranger was just a remark and I could say thanks and move on with my life I'd feel much better.

Instead it's a tightrope walk. You have to be appreciative but not too appreciative, you need to be disinterested but not too disinterested. Sometimes it doesn't matter and you lose anyway.

Appear too appreciative and you're hounded by someone (or worse, I've had friends that have been followed)... look too disinterested and you've earned their ire.

I will note that this is largely a problem of male strangers talking to women (it's not universal of course, I've personally witnessed these issues across all varieties of people).

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#259

Post by aembleton »

Teknoman117 wrote: post #195
ipdashc wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Where people consider talking to someone a chore. This bit in particular really hit me. I've noticed a rising trend around the Internet (or maybe I was just blind to it before), mostly on Reddit, of people who really do seem to consider any sort of real-life social interaction a chore and an attack. I forget the exact context, I think the conversation that stood out to me was about someone in a gas station or somet…

I love talking to strangers. I am just exceedingly anxious about initiating conversation. I’m always worried they’ll take offense or something (‘why is this fat dude talking to me’ kind of stuff)... Someone asks me something at a bar? I’m a total chatterbox, but I can’t recall a time where I ever started the conversation. The problem is, people don’t usually start conversations with me. I’m 6’4, huge, and a dude. I’v…

Are there any activities you might like to do, such as hiking? Nothing too strenuous, but it would help you to join a local club that is not involved in tech.

At first it'll be cliquey but over time you'll start to initiate conversation and get to know new people. Everyone is there to get to know others.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#260

Post by emodendroket »

trutannus wrote: post #254
emodendroket wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it's pretty realistic that someone would like to get in contact with you but doesn't necessarily have your phone number or a way to ask you for it. And sometimes it's nice to catch up with old friends even if you weren't super close, especially if you find yourself in a new area. I think the idea of trying to make people "prove" they're your real friends and cutting the people who don't reach the threshold ou…

The issue isn't about "proving" or anything like that. It's simply that I don't want to have social media. That's my personal choice. Friends are folks who respect their other friends personal choices. > someone would like to get in contact with you but doesn't necessarily have your phone number I see this differently: nobody is entitled to my time, or to contact me. If you don't have the means to contact me, that's…

Well, if you see people wishing to contact you as an imposition I suppose your stance makes sense, but I think it is a grim way to live.
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