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Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

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Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#251

Post by sokoloff »

defen wrote: post #232
sokoloff wrote: post #184

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What you say is true, but partly orthogonal. If not owning a car is one of the most important things to you, then as a friend, I would counsel you to arrange your life to prioritize that. Live in NYC or Boston. Or Amsterdam or Paris. In all of those places, car ownership is a net negative and so you'll find a lot of life arranged to assume you don't own a car and as a result, a lot of like-minded people. If your frus…

> arrange your life to prioritize that. Live in NYC or Boston. Or Amsterdam or Paris. In all of those places, car ownership is a net negative and so you'll find a lot of life arranged to assume you don't own a car and as a result, a lot of like-minded people. That was indeed my point - "just go live in NYC or Boston" is not realistic for most people for a variety of reasons.

What I internalize from that is that the life optimization function coefficient on "live without a car" is not high enough for that person to outweigh the coefficients and input variables on other quality of life factors.

If "live without a car" was 1.0 and all other factors were 0.0, they'd decide to go live in NYC/Boston/someplace else that optimized that. Since they don't, they have other factors that they are weighing (probably implicitly) to conclude that they shouldn't do that.

No one can have everything they want. Most people can have the one thing they want most in the world, if they're willing to make enough other sacrifices to get it.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#252

Post by Karawebnetwork »

africanboy wrote: post #191
Karawebnetwork wrote: post #173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But is being a start-up founder really something that men traditionally do or is it a completely new role that people of all genders can aim for? This role can be toxic and lead to problematic behaviours that can worsen a person's personal life and mental health, regardless of their gender identity.

it's something that men have traditionally done, yes. it's like the beard, it's traditionally something that, in general, men have and women don't. that doesn't mean that things can't change in the future and that the change won't be for the better.

Some of my personal idols from the past are Coco Chanel, Estée Lauder and Katharine Graham.

That would be women born in the 1880's, 1900's and early 1920's.

While few women had the privilege required to focus on their career, it was still present. At what point should we mark something as "tradition"?

Remember that the Equal Credit Opportunity Act was not a thing until 1974. Until then, banks required single, widowed or divorced women to bring a man along to cosign any credit application, regardless of their income.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#253

Post by PKop »

jfengel wrote: post #115
PKop wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's almost as if human social norms solved this dilemma by division of labor: men bear the brunt of earning capital, while women are freed up to have and raise children. The women's "empowerment" movement in this context can be seen as a cynical ploy by capital to convince women their "power" is tied to earning wages and having a career instead of having a family and they must pursue economic independence over over…

They also promote careerism for men, a notion that doesn't ever seem to come into question. It's true that only women can gestate and breast feed, but after that fatherhood and motherhood are very similar callings. Men could opt out of the capitalist summons to the labor supply just as easily as women, and it shouldn't have to fall entirely on women to choose between "careerism" and "motherhood". If we shifted the no…

Ultimately you're arguing for reality to change to fit your utopian whims. I'm saying, for the average couple, we should lean into reality.

Would it be great if we could all have it all? Of course. I'm more concerned with the actual happiness and fulfillment of people who really will regret not having started a family early, and instead wasted their efforts following the neo-liberal careerist path.

Someone's got to have the children and raise them. Someone's got to put in the time at work. Because of the time, effort and physical realities of women bearing children, for most couples the division of labor falls most efficiently on men putting in most of the time rising up the corporate ladder.

People that recognize this happy path and want to go their own way are welcome to it. But we shouldn't lie to people. We should be honest with men and women from a young age what reality is.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#254

Post by DavidVoid »

smoldesu wrote: post #14

And people wonder why the birth rate is continuing to decline. Our nation-wide workaholism is making family life an increasingly distant fantasy. I've had this discussion with my S/O before, and we've always come to the same conclusion: it would be irresponsible for us to adopt while both of us are working. That's a difficult place to be in, considering we're both quite passionate about our jobs. It makes me quite de…

Although I won't have children myself, I'm very glad that I live in a country (Sweden) where we have 480 days of parental leave (and each parent has an exclusive right to 90 of those days).

Yes, you don't get paid as much during those days (~80%), but it allows parents (not just mothers) to stay home for longer periods of time to raise their children. It can ofc cause some disturbances in your career (especially if you're working at a startup), but it allows for a much better work-life balance than parents can get in the states.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#255

Post by core-questions »

david-gpu wrote: post #186
core-questions wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Of course women should follow their heart and we should build a society that allows them to do so on equal terms, but we should not discourage homemaking and stigmatize people who want to raise children. I think that many women do actually have the desire to be mothers in their hearts, and that they repress this desire in the current social context because having children is no longer something that confers high st…

Somebody is down voting you, possibly because of the non-gender-neutral language, but I agree with your message: we currently overvalue wealth and job status and undervalue the joy of raising a family. I switched to a 4-day week to find a better work-life balance and couldn't be happier. Time with my kids is more valuable than the salary cut.

I get downvoted continually because I post edgy things like "eating meat is okay" and "you should consider having a family" etc. I'm used to it, comment karma is largely meaningless, and sometimes the rate limiting helps make sure I have composed my thoughts well before responding.

Very envious of your 4-day week! I do 6-7 days worth of work in 5 days and it's slowly killing me. Still finding time for the kids somehow, but the result is no sleep or recreation time for myself... the switch from office to WFH life has not been a blessing in terms of work/life balance.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#257

Post by dpoochieni »

kmclean wrote: post #161
dcow wrote: post #116

I think women have largely been presented a false promise by progressives: value and purpose is derived from work, go do what men do to be their equal. It’s not necessarily anybody’s fault, we live in a society where money is valued. But I wish we could structure society in a way such that the value of raising children, homemaking, is clearly communicated and understood. Being a mother without a snazzy career is frow…

Interestingly, single, childless women are also the happiest population demographic. ( https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-h... ) I don't disagree homemaking should be less stigmatized, but the real problem is American startup culture that expects this kind of around-the-clock all-in hustle mentality. The vast majority of businesses are actually just small firms with a few people that make a de…

What did you expect them to say? That they are unhappy. I take this kind of investigation with a pinch of salt. It can be a case of the ladies doth protest too much of their happiness. In my personal experience, many complain of loneliness as they grow older.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#258

Post by [deleted] »

silvestrov wrote: post #155
madamelic wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I think people have largely been presented a false promise: value and purpose is derived from working outside the home. FTFY. As you state further in, it's not women's exclusive job to be child-rearing nor is it not 'work' to maintain and run a house.

You'll have to accept that running a house is much less work today than it was 150 years ago when there was no fridge, no hover, no washing mashine, no ready-made food. Today a single mom with full time job can still run a (not too big) house. So to be fullfilling there has to be more than just keeping the house clean and people fed, which is probably why so many upper-upper-middle class women have a part-time job ru…

[deleted]

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#259

Post by throw8932894 »

astan wrote: post #67

Your whole blog resonates deeply with me. All this corporate grifting and women's empowerment months will do jack shit until we figure out how to make workplaces and lives more equitable for mothers and allowing for gaps, breaks and destigmatizing time off for parents of both genders. Instead, we talk about how sexism is the biggest problem. Sure, sexism might be annoying, but in the west, it is hardly something that…

> When I mention it to someone that I want to take time off for a couple years

> actual equality where we acknowledge that women have different needs and desires

I find your view sexist and disturbing. 99% men would love to take couple of years off with kids as well. But face even more obstacles!

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#260

Post by frEdmbx »

>But nothing is as awful as it not working out.

It only makes sense to plan, and have some sort of strategy. For those who feel it's their best option to freeze eggs, do it sooner rather than later. For young women who have more options, consider that if you both want to have a family, and want to have a business, one of the two things has a time sensitive deadline. You can choose to pursue a career, and go about it the way this lady suggests, or you can have a family first, and pursue your career for the rest of your life. Whatever you decide to do, consider your options, and formulate some sort of strategy. If you just put off considering what you want, and how you'll attain, you'll wake up one day realizing it's too late.

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