Who Americans spend their time with, by age • Hacker News Board

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#251

Post by LoveMortuus » Fri, Dec 11, 2020, 8:39 PM UTC

burlesona wrote: post #36

The thing that seems crazy to me is how much time alone increases with age. There are many many reasons for it, but one thing I think is especially sad is how much this is a consequence of our built environment. If you live in a village with multiple generations of a family around, it’s much easier for grandparents to be involved day too day in helping with little things in the village, especially keeping an eye on t…

Honest question: Would/Could a elderly people friendly and oriented MMORPG help elderly feel less alone?

And if so, is such technology even possible?

My guess for first step would be finding out what kind of devices do elderly have access to and more importantly, what kind of devices they use.

Side-thought: Such a MMORPG could even have a subscription based financial model, as most elderly do get regular monthly income.

The moral question: Is it better to be addicted but not alone, or is it better to be alone and not addicted.

I personally think that not only could this bring new light for the elderly and a opportunity to connect with others including the younger generations.

I think such a solution could help elderly feel less lonely, and it is a solution that could be provided at their homes.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#252

Post by gen220 » Fri, Dec 11, 2020, 8:41 PM UTC

bcherny wrote: post #213

gen220 wrote: post #71

The underlying data here is, of course, a distribution (each with its own distinct shape). In this case, I suspect that the "average" statistic is not the best representative of that distribution. For instance, "children" is definitely a bimodal distribution. There are many people in life who never have children, and therefore drag down the average for all those who do have children. I suspect that, in reality, there…

This is a great point. Can anyone find a link to the raw dataset? Happy to whip up a better visualization.

Looks like the data source is here: https://www.bls.gov/tus/datafiles-0319.htm

It's not a super easy to use format, but it should be fun to extract some more useful data out of it.

For what it's worth, the sample size here is very small. It is hard to believe that it's representative of the distribution.

This link [1] suggests the data come from 210k interviews conducted over 16 years (13ish thousand per year).

And the data is longitudinal (so over those 16 years, many of the interviewees are the same person).

Even if every interviewee was unique, this would represent [1]: https://www.bls.gov/tus/atussummary.pdf

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#253

Post by ChrisMarshallNY » Fri, Dec 11, 2020, 8:41 PM UTC

ryanmarsh wrote: post #17

FTA: Older people spend more time alone, but this doesn’t necessarily mean they’re lonely Why bother saying this? We know it’s not true.

> We know it’s not true.

I'm 58, and spend a lot of time alone, but I am definitely not lonely. It's by choice. I am quite comfortable in my own company; which was not the case, when I was younger.

I won't go into the nitty-gritty, but there's a lot of unusual circumstances in my life. I know that the life I lead is pretty different from most folks.

But I would not be comfortable assuming that something "isn't true," simply because it doesn't apply to me.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#254

Post by rayiner » Fri, Dec 11, 2020, 8:43 PM UTC

burlesona wrote: post #36

The thing that seems crazy to me is how much time alone increases with age. There are many many reasons for it, but one thing I think is especially sad is how much this is a consequence of our built environment. If you live in a village with multiple generations of a family around, it’s much easier for grandparents to be involved day too day in helping with little things in the village, especially keeping an eye on t…

This. I live in a tiny pre-zoning code neighborhood where my neighbors and their kids are 100 feet away. I see and talk with neighbors every day when leaving the house, and not just people like me but people of different ages and backgrounds. My parents live 10 minutes away and we’re their multiple times a week. Same for my neighbors—one couple has their parents living in the same subdivision, another lives with her sister and young kid. It’s so much better than when I lived in DC I can’t even convey it.

My only regret is that my extended family lives on the other side of the planet. When I was little everyone lived in the same city (Dhaka, Bangladesh). My mom’s sisters were at our house several times a week. Moving to the US was depressing—so much so that my mom has always been quite bitter about it.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#255

Post by ABCLAW » Fri, Dec 11, 2020, 8:44 PM UTC

burlesona wrote: post #36

The thing that seems crazy to me is how much time alone increases with age. There are many many reasons for it, but one thing I think is especially sad is how much this is a consequence of our built environment. If you live in a village with multiple generations of a family around, it’s much easier for grandparents to be involved day too day in helping with little things in the village, especially keeping an eye on t…

>I don’t think there’s an easy fix for this, and that makes me sad.

I mean, the fix is really straightforward. You prevent the burbs from siphoning tax dollars off the host city they surround so that the high cost of sprawl is placed on them, rather than poorer city-center districts.

Then, you emulate the community and land-use strategies of areas in which the eldest are least displaced. One of the key features of global blue zones is the inclusion of elders in society.

This means opening up a lot of zoning space to mixed medium density residential/commercial zones and designating very generous volumes of family-sized units in high and medium density developments to restrict the optimization of development projects into tiny bachelor accommodation units and ultra-spacious penthouses. In short, make medium density housing in walkable communities and stop transferring wealth away from those communities.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#256

Post by friendlybus » Fri, Dec 11, 2020, 8:44 PM UTC

yboris wrote: post #235

GloriousKoji wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know this is highly subjective but what is a "good personal reason" for having kids?

On the moral side, there may be good reasons to be an anti-natalist ("Better Never to Have Been"). I think it depends on the quality of life ahead. If the earth was a utopia, I'd be more interested in having a child. A good personal reason to have a child, I think, is having an intense desire to have a child, and an intense desire to nurture and help your child grow into a good human being. I give at least 10% of my…

Most people in the past had kids because life sucked. We gained from having extra hands on the farm. More kids were better in a world with a relatively high mortality rate.

Your kid doesn't have to live in a utopia to be worth making.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#257

Post by orky56 » Fri, Dec 11, 2020, 8:49 PM UTC

_qulr wrote: post #47

What I find interesting is time spent with coworkers. It's about equal to time spent with partner throughout most of adulthood, and it's significantly higher than time spent with friends. Unsurprisingly, time spent with coworkers drops precipitously at retirement age, but perhaps surprisingly, time spent with friends does not then increase to compensate. A lot of people in the comments are talking about children, but…

Time spent with coworkers is just time spent at work. It's not voluntary so time spent away from work once retirement hits isn't about transferring all of it to friends. Retirement includes time for hobbies which can be solitary without the connotation of loneliness or a social pariah.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#258

Post by abetlen » Fri, Dec 11, 2020, 8:53 PM UTC

ragazzina wrote: post #196

jvanderbot wrote: post #85

I cannot wait until the nursing home lan parties. During pandemic I have rekindled relationships with 2-3 friends, some out of state, and we've played games at least 2x a week. The opportunity for casual interaction (via discord) while focusing on another task (the challenging game), perfectly mimics the environment to build deep longlasting relationships through shared struggle, trust building, communication, feedba…

>I cannot wait until the nursing home lan parties. I've seen this sentiment a lot on the internet, but after having visited many nursing homes, I don't think it will ever happen. Maybe nursing homes are different in the US, maybe I've seen the wrong kind of nursing home.

I'm not sure if you're from outside North America, but I don't think nursing homes here are likely to have LAN parties unless we make some big medical breathroughs in the next few decades.

According to this survey of Canadian nursing homes, around 87% of residents suffer from some kind of cognitive impairment such as dementia, alzheimer's, or stroke related trauma [1].

Even assuming that you still have any friends around by the time your in a nursing home, the odds that neither of you suffer from cognitive impairment is about 1.7% (someone let me know if that math is wrong).

[1]: https://www.cihi.ca/en/dementia-in-canada/dementia-care-acro...

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#259

Post by cgriswald » Fri, Dec 11, 2020, 8:56 PM UTC

felipemnoa wrote: post #245

DamnYuppie wrote: post #202

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That is almost a form of abuse to be honest. I hope your friend has learned to set boundaries and enforce them. People like her mom are very good at manipulating their children and seeing absolutely nothing wrong with it.

I imagine that the only way to truly set boundaries would be for the daughter to move away.

The underlying problem is the lack of boundaries. Moving away does not solve that problem. Only setting and enforcing the boundaries will solve the problem.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#260

Post by cgriswald » Fri, Dec 11, 2020, 9:01 PM UTC

burner831234 wrote: post #239

polka_haunts_us wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And then heaven forbid if you have different political views from them, especially in 2020. My mom treats me very weirdly, not because I actually voted for Trump, but because I don't spend my days ranting about how he's Satan incarnate like she does. My sister aligns politically with my mom and she moved to MONGOLIA to get away from her. I'm glad for people who truly like their families, but not all of us won that pa…

I agree with most of this One thing I've learned in my 30s is its not a genetic lottery. There are definitely very irrevocable dynamics but many can be molded with a level of concern, effort and boundary setting that we usually associate with work added with a dash of true sincerity and deep care.

> There are definitely very irrevocable dynamics but many can be molded with a level of concern, effort and boundary setting that we usually associate with work added with a dash of true sincerity and deep care.

I think this largely depends on factors outside our individual control—specifically, the other person. Sometimes setting boundaries, doing the work, can help the other person see the way their behavior is impacting you. Other times, it won't, so if you want the relationship to continue you have to be willing to always and repeatedly do all the work to maintain the relationship. Without the other person being capable and willing to recognize their own issues (and maybe get some therapy), no amount of your own effort can effect a permanent change.