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I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

nytimes.com

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Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#251

Post by 205guy »

celticmusic wrote: post #146
fhbdukfrh wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't conflate the medium with the quality of interaction. Not on FB != hermit, that's just what Facebook wants you to believe. I prefer deep personal relationships with few over hyper connectivity. Others may want a broader, shallower network; neither is wrong just define happiness for yourself.

yeah, I've never understood myspace or FB. I remember when myspace was first blowing up, people were talking about having 100 friends, which always blew me away. I couldn't imagine trying to keep up with that many friends. I had a brief 1-2 year stint on FB where someone finally convinced me to get on it, and I had 13 friends on there. All of them people I know and hang out with regularly in real life. All I ever did…

I don't understand people who don't understand Facebook :-)

You know what a blog is, what photo-sharing is, and RSS too. You know how people are social, a little bit vain, and like to brag. I'm sure you know about ad-tech, data-mining, EULAs nobody reads and dark patterns. I'm sure you've used email and chat, and you know deep down all email clients suck anyway.

Mix it all together, put it on phones with push notifications, and boom, you have Facebook and control half the Internet.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#252

Post by teekert »

mindcrime wrote: post #56
homonculus1 wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm a nobody and I have 35,000 HN points (please don't check)

It's too bad there isn't something you can do with HN points. If only they were like airline miles or something... :-)

You can change your "topcolor" (the orange bar at the top) at some point. It's something.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#253

Post by jbverschoor »

gfo wrote: post #209
vonseel wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Understood, but you also have to remember you can't control how your friends communicate . I'd be perfectly fine communicating only via iMessage, but most of my friends have social media accounts and when I quit FB/Instagram and stopped liking their posts, I had less presence in their lives. Think about that - social networks are almost like an Internet schoolyard; just upvoting something shows presence and lets ever…

To me, it's opting into different means for keeping in touch and hence, keeping that "presence" in my friends' lives. I quit Facebook a year ago - I had 800+ friends. I was only "close" (subjectively) with a slim fraction of that. Now, I text, call, send birthday cards, and use other means to communicate with those I truly care about. Not that I don't care about the other, it's more of my way to prioritize the people…

It's the equivalent of body-in-seat nonsense.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#254

Post by jbverschoor »

BurningFrog wrote: post #197
celticmusic wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

yeah, I've never understood myspace or FB. I remember when myspace was first blowing up, people were talking about having 100 friends, which always blew me away. I couldn't imagine trying to keep up with that many friends. I had a brief 1-2 year stint on FB where someone finally convinced me to get on it, and I had 13 friends on there. All of them people I know and hang out with regularly in real life. All I ever did…

Yeah, you may have done it wrong :) To me, FB is a way to keep in touch with non close friends and relatives. I know what my close friends are up to anyway, but without FB I'd have no clue what the "next tier" 50-100 people do.

Really? Anyone actually posts something personal these days? Facebook is not about that anymore. It's about liking posts and ads. So basically twitter / reddit, which makes sense as they copied the twitter timeline

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#255

Post by jbverschoor »

zcrackerz wrote: post #160
gnicholas wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the problem is that social media usage is on a continuum, and you can find yourself at a local maximum that is well below your global maximum. For example, if you check FB once a day, then maybe you would be somewhat happier if you increased to 2x or 3x daily. But if you decreased your usage to once weekly, then you'd actually be much happier. The problem is that you'd have to go through the "valley" of once…

I stopped posting happy birthday's on FB because it's always someone's birthday. Occasionally I will wish a close friend a happy birthday, but usually through text message. It's also annoying on my birthday when all these people I barely know come out of the woodwork to comment. I usually ignore FB that day, then reply to all with a thank you the day after.

One of my best friends has his birthday on fb set to a different date. Always funny to see :-)

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#256

Post by rgoldste »

hartator wrote: post #236

These posts are so tiring. It's usually from the same people that are super active and obnoxious on FB. Posting every single hours of their life. And suddenly realizing they addicted to it. And they still need to post about it.

I didn’t quit fb but I unsubscribed from pretty much everybody. I think I’ve posted once in the last 6 years, though occasionally I come up tagged in friends’ pics. I think I’m better off. I occasionally miss engagements of my friends though so this is a downside. (I’m 29). I continue to use messenger to chat with friends, including one good friend who has a budget phone plan (meaning fb messages are free while texting this friend isn’t for her).

I guess I’m posting this here to say that there is a middle(?) ground that works for me. I rarely find myself envious or jealous on fb. I will confess that I do experience these emotions in my offline life (much less frequently than daily, more often than monthly). Come to think of it, while I spend under 20 minutes a week on LinkedIn, I feel some negative emotions while browsing this feed. I’ve just realized I should limit my LinkedIn better.

I’m not posting this to brag, just to share another perspective because it felt relevant.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#257

Post by b0rsuk »

A surprising twist: social media invades meatspace.

I go to a board gaming club once a week. It used to be reasonably easy to find someone to play with, but nowadays:

1. all groups are already formed the moment the club opens (one per board game), 2. newcomers come in groups already decided which game they're going to play, don't waste time looking around and play among themselves.

So you can be there on time, and that's not enough to find someone to play with. It feels like fb/social media is a kind of lobby for board games in that place. Wanted to go out and meet some new people over board games? Think again. It's like those stories you might hear about bars, dating and tinder - that nowadays even bar goers stare at their smartphones. Guess what, the same mechanism affects not just bar goers but also nerds like me. It's like each board game at a table is its own social media bubble(different people like different board game(s)).

There are two ways to deal with this: a) submit to social media b) resist

I'm doing b), I bring in my copy of Spirit Island and if there's no one to play with the game is also great solo.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#258

Post by d3sandoval »

vonseel wrote: post #162
fhbdukfrh wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't conflate the medium with the quality of interaction. Not on FB != hermit, that's just what Facebook wants you to believe. I prefer deep personal relationships with few over hyper connectivity. Others may want a broader, shallower network; neither is wrong just define happiness for yourself.

Understood, but you also have to remember you can't control how your friends communicate . I'd be perfectly fine communicating only via iMessage, but most of my friends have social media accounts and when I quit FB/Instagram and stopped liking their posts, I had less presence in their lives. Think about that - social networks are almost like an Internet schoolyard; just upvoting something shows presence and lets ever…

If you really care for each other, they'll find a way. My family has realized that group message are the only way to communicate quickly with one another. I have friends and family with whom I correspond via snail mail. And email bridges the gap between those who prefer digital, but not texting. As others have said, the conversations are more meaningful, even if they are less frequent

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#259

Post by newsgremlin »

vonseel wrote: post #21

I quit social media for a long time too. And then I noticed how disconnected I was from all my old school friends and contacts. Even close family that still uses Facebook but I otherwise don’t talk to much directly (brother’s wives posting about their kids and stuff like that, maybe even more extended than that). Really, I’m starting to think that opting out of social media altogether is a bit like opting to be a her…

Is that not then a case of making an effort to keep in contact with those friendships you value? I still use messaging apps to facilitate communication but I opt out of the social 'media'. Instead of sharing media we should be sharing our thoughts, feelings and experiences. Those who want to contact me can easily do so. Group chats are another big time sink that I try to avoid by muting the ones filled with spam, keeping the most relevant ones unmuted for upcoming social events.

Re: I used to fear being a nobody, then I left social media

#260

Post by rvz »

Kiro wrote: post #231

Nothing gives me more anxiety than HN. Facebook is nothing compared to the depression I get from being constantly downvoted here simply by having an opinion that doesn't resonate with the norm.

> Facebook is nothing compared to the depression I get from being constantly downvoted here simply by having an opinion that doesn't resonate with the norm.

Well, a particular orange website has a audience that appeals to opinions from liberal tech folks. I couldn't care less about if they agree / disagree with my opinions. They are free to do so, which I support.

What's worse is the censoring, shadow-banning, flagging of genuine posts or opinions on these social networks including the orange site that really ruins the discussion and distorts the situation.

As soon as you see that trying to please everyone + looking at everyone's updates is an eternal race to the bottom, then social media gradually becomes irrelevant to you.

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