Pray.
The days are long but the decades are short
241–250 of 406 posts
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#242> On work: it’s difficult to do a great job on work you don’t care about. And it’s hard to be totally happy/fulfilled in life if you don’t like what you do for your work I get that this is aimed at the startup crowd, but I've always felt that this sentiment is pretty privileged. We, the elite, get to cherry pick our work and do what we like. But I bet 9/10 people will never feel they have this luxury, and 8/10 will b…
"I get that this is aimed at the startup crowd, but I've always felt that this sentiment is pretty privileged. We, the elite, get to cherry pick our work and do what we like. But I bet 9/10 people will never feel they have this luxury, and 8/10 will be right." Privileged? Hardly. I worked a regular job for many years while spending years of my free time and weekends to create a business where I can now choose what I…
"Most people aren't willing to sacrifice time now to enjoy comforts later"
So what you're telling me is that most people can't just pursue their passion as their job but instead have to work a job they certainly do not enjoy in order to fund their real passion and hopefully make it into a career. That is, if they are lucky enough that their passion is actually a viable career option.
Sounds like you're agreeing with the person you're replying to, or am I misinterpreting what you said?
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#243Earlier quoted context omitted.
> It is worth it, and anybody without kids who says otherwise knows not of which they speak. That's some gross generalization. Any childless bachelor could know what the "path" is like by staying over with a friend that has a child and helping out for some time. On the other hand, parents that walk the path and later find out they're not cut out for it, have to suffer quietly, and can't voice their true opinions, bec…
> Any childless bachelor could know what the "path" is like by staying over with a friend that has a child and helping out for some time. I'm childless and I don't really agree with your point. Staying with a friend that has a child and helping out isn't the same as having a child. You are able to (and will) leave at some point. A parent has to deal with the, in my opinion, heavy knowledge that this human being's con…
> Staying with a friend that has a child and helping out isn't the same as having a child. You are able to (and will) leave at some point.
Ain't that true. Where it hits you as a parent is when you leave the hospital and then realize that there's no one to give you a spell, check your mistakes, process the return. I can imagine how grandparents must enjoy children, free of the ultimate responsibility.
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#244Earlier quoted context omitted.
I have an amazing father and grandfathers, all of whom I am close with. I've dreamed of being a father for many years (26M) and think I'll make a great one someday based on the examples I was fortunate enough to have. But I don't like the thought that as soon as you have a child, you instantly have to be defined by that. Is reproduction really the meaning to life? (Biologists say absolutely). And saying you don't hav…
> But I don't like the thought that as soon as you have a child, you instantly have to be defined by that. I'm glad you brought this up. There's nothing that's forced upon you, you are not defined by this. It just happens so that most people change their priorities voluntarily and happily when they have a child. I personally continue pursuing professional success, of course. The difference is that if I become unsucce…
Yeah, it wasn't transformative like a bolt of lightning. And I didn't instantly become one of those people who freaks out about all the parenting advice, things that might choke a baby, statistically insignificant ways of dying. I was easy-going before, still am.
You may lose finite things like time, but not your identity. Parenthood only uncovers more of it.
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#245Earlier quoted context omitted.
Really interesting point. I listened to 'Q on CBC' where they recently featured a guest where she talked about how the world is pitted parents vs. child-free couples. I think the "us against them" mentality is where the child-free peeps are seen as narcissistic individuals who don't take on this important responsibility. Her argument was that it's kinda of a false dichotomy, and there are plenty of ways for child-fre…
I decided not to have kids because my take on the near-term likely future isn't entirely optimistic, and I don't want to risk being right. Regardless, I have a serious driving interest in making that future better. I have no idea if it's as much motivation as a parent has, but it's still a very big motivator.
the real beauty when you realize it, is your kid could be the one to change that pessimistic future. the responsibility is on you to instill the values and train them up to be your idealized future. because who else will do it??
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#246Earlier quoted context omitted.
Having a child relativizes everything else and makes life so much easier because you don't need to figure out the meaning of your life anymore and you don't even need to be successful, neither personally nor professionally. This does not mean you won't be or you can't be, it just does not matter that much anymore. And this is friggin' liberating.
If anything, I felt more pressure after kids to be successful. I had to prove to them that their father was not a mediocre person. I also need to show by example - that I did not want them to be mediocre and that they should strive to be the best at what they do.
Cool thing is, they take their metric for success from you.
But you sound like you're measuring success by your role in the workplace. I'll bet they care a lot more about your role as a father.
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#247Those of you on HN that are past the 30+ mark. What would you add to this list?
34yo here. Experience something horrible. I grew up in a ridiculously perfect fantasyland. My parents, who have an ideal marriage, told me I was the best at everything, encouraged every dream I had, paid for college and insulated me from all of life's difficulties re: money, stress, etc. To make matters worse, I excelled right along with the praise -- made good grades, got into a top-10 college, started a company aft…
> Experience something horrible.
There is absolutely something transformative about being purified by fire (trials), which sorts helps sort out your priorities.
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#248Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's easy to say, but in practice it's difficult to go home satisfied with the concept of a dead end job. Personally I found plenty of little things to love about otherwise horrible dead end jobs, but that wasn't really the reason to keep going back to work, I was there to get paid to live my life outside of work because the job itself was not really fun or fruitful.
>Personally I found plenty of little things to love about otherwise horrible dead end jobs, but that wasn't really the reason to keep going back to work, I was there to get paid to live my life outside of work because the job itself was not really fun or fruitful. I actually think this is a better message for people... Some jobs are going to be great, others are going to suck. That doesn't really matter because for m…
>Personally I find the increasing emphasis on work as a way to derive personal satisfaction troubling. It looks like a subtle trap to me. A way to convince people to forgo time with their family, hobbies, side ventures and anything else you might possibly derive happiness from in favor of just working more and trying to convince yourself that that is enough.
Extremely well put. This entire concept has troubled me for a long time and you've really nailed it pointing out that we're increasingly advising people to get their joy in life from their work instead of the literally MILLIONS of other things they can enjoy. Thanks for that.
Re: The days are long but the decades are short
#249> On work: it’s difficult to do a great job on work you don’t care about. And it’s hard to be totally happy/fulfilled in life if you don’t like what you do for your work I get that this is aimed at the startup crowd, but I've always felt that this sentiment is pretty privileged. We, the elite, get to cherry pick our work and do what we like. But I bet 9/10 people will never feel they have this luxury, and 8/10 will b…
"I get that this is aimed at the startup crowd, but I've always felt that this sentiment is pretty privileged. We, the elite, get to cherry pick our work and do what we like. But I bet 9/10 people will never feel they have this luxury, and 8/10 will be right." Privileged? Hardly. I worked a regular job for many years while spending years of my free time and weekends to create a business where I can now choose what I…
While you may not feel privileged because you had to make hard sacrifices, not everyone is in a position to make the sacrifices you made.
But even then, your anecdote only speaks for yourself. There are many people who are indeed privileged by exceptional class or talent and who don't even need to suffer through the sacrifices that you did. Doors have been swung open for them their whole live, while others (like yourself) have to open those same doors with a crowbar, and others still (like the OP's 8/10) will never even get to see the door.