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> That's a cruel way to look at it. I'm not trying to be cruel, I'm reminding him that his (salaried) labor is making someone else wealthy. For those of us who have well developed senses of self-esteem, this is a wholly unacceptable situation.
Only if your self-esteem is tied to your wealth. That would be a shame.
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> That's a cruel way to look at it. I'm not trying to be cruel, I'm reminding him that his (salaried) labor is making someone else wealthy. For those of us who have well developed senses of self-esteem, this is a wholly unacceptable situation.
Indeed. Work hard enough, and your own unsalaried labour might even be able to make you poor. Much better for everyone involved.
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I think you're being a little bit dramatic. We're talking about computer professionals. The "pain" we might experience professionally is pretty mild. So we might only have a high paying but not totally self-actualizing job. If that squashes you down so hard you can't express your love to your kids, I'm not sure it's the job that's the problem. And going the entrepreneurial route isn't exactly a way to spend more time…
I am utterly unhappy with my life. How is that not pain?
But you are right, the OP is in a lot of pain right now. And I myself have the same fears as the OP, and even taken the route that the poster wonders about, of taking time off to do some wildly impractical and creative things. It taught me a lot about myself.
I don't have a family at the moment, so it's a lot easier for me. I'm not sure what the solution is, for him, but it could just be downshifting rather than a clean break. Or, maybe he thinks he needs to do something radical.
Demien Katz has a similar story, you can watch the whole presentation here: http://www.infoq.com/presentations/katz-couchdb-and-me it's really inspiring.
Five years ago, I got imported into the Valley from a distant land, and I jumped at the chance because I thought I'd be doing something significant. As of today, nothing like that has ever materialized at the workplace. I'm not totally embarrassed about the things I've worked on, but I'm not really proud either.
Instead I found real satisfaction in side projects and in things which were utterly terrifying for me (building physical objects, also leading a project doing same). It did teach me something about myself and set me on a modified path. But it's still a huge struggle.
I have no formula, but I have a partial method.
Try to get yourself in a state where you can listen to the little voices in your head which want to do certain things. No matter how impractical. Your frustration is, in part, being caused by your automatic rejection of these ideas before they even become fully conscious. Use long showers, Bach, favorite ingestibles, whatever it takes. This might take years if you do it on your own; maybe someone else can help with this process. Guided meditation or something.
Wait for the ideas and visions to present themselves.
Consider, without passion, the reasons why you could never, ever do those things.
Then figure out the thing you're most terrified of and try to do that. It can be something limited in scope, but you have to hit the essential problem head on.
For me it worked like this. I had always defined myself as a geek who could not lead or inspire others. I'm not charismatic at all, quite the opposite. So I naturally shelved any plans which I couldn't do on my own. But I found other ways to lead a project. It turns out that at least some people are willing to get on board with a good idea, as long as you're executing well, even if you aren't Brad Pitt.
That was my mental block, fear of social inadequacy. What's yours?
“Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.” First, tell your wife exactly what you've written here. What you're about to do will scare the snot out of her if she doesn't understand your motivation. The fact that you've posted somethin…
"Poverty is uncomfortable, but regret is excruciating". I cannot upmod you enough for writing that. It's exactly the kind of feeling I've been having for the past few years but haven't been able to put it into words. Sometimes being poor can be one of your largest assets because it makes you more nimble and forces you to make better decisions--both in startup world and life outside. But you're right, regret is excruc…
I'm 32 and work from home. 2 daughters. A wife who works with me. We both have a background in journalism, and she was making some good money when working for big TV. We decided to marry and try to create a site by ourselves. We believe in simple life and try to be frugal. Downshifting. No more commutes and stupid meetings; no more work on something we don't believe in. We have spent more money than we got in return.…
2. you're a family man with a job. do more of what you need to, and less of what you want to.
3. you need to gracefully step off the corporate boat, and not break your fucking neck in the process. only then in the opportune time, can you do much more of what you want to. you have it backwards.
4. disconnect all the inter-tube and its chatter, it's obvious you have time, ground yourself in something truly rewarding, not a popularity contest. do it while you're working. most importantly, involve the family to some degree.
5. don't ask for your wife's permission, it's an enormous guilt trip. ask for her advise. remember, women seek security and rightfully so.
6. don't let twits give you the impression you're somehow broken, i stopped counting how many times I had to send checks out to the "rock stars" on the net.
7. get your manager involved in design details - always give her options and tradeoffs, don't shield her from the process, you're dumbing her down. while working on your rapport with her, look for a job closer to home.
8. moving forward, don't advertise yourself as a rockstar programmer and always involve the manager in the decision process. missed deadlines are tolerable when it's a group fuckup.
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"You ask "Where should I turn?". My answer: if what I have said rings true at all in your heart, turn to Jesus" May I suggest the Flying Sphagetti Monster instead? Just as valid as some "man in the sky" mythology, from a "turn to X" point of view. Please, take your religious preaching elsewhere and don't prey on someone's confusion/depression, at least on this forum. Thanks in advance.
His advice is not worth any more or less than anyone else's here. He even suggests as much himself. I'm saddened by the vicious response towards a religious belief. Last time I checked all religions are valid forms of personal expression constitutionally, and as long as he not actively trying to turn HN into an evangelical experience, he is entitled to provide any solution he sees may help without being ridiculed by…
> the validity of god is irrelevant if the outcome is to ease the restless pain
...you are entitled to have no respect for the truth, but I am constitutionally entitled to openly disrespect your lack of respect. Is it Hacker News, though? Ah, there's the question...
Can we really be hearing that it is Hacker News to advocate for Jesus, but Not Hacker News to counterargue? Now that's religion!
I've worked solo for 5 years, and it has been a mistake. I'm currently seeking a partner, and I couldn't be happier about it.