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Nine things I learned in ninety years

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Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#241

Post by circlefavshape »

flanked-evergl wrote: post #204
james_marks wrote: post #201

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No one is suggesting marriage means "all relations between two human beings". Only that there are many ways to demonstrate and be committed to a person. The legal recognization by a church or government is one version, but not the key ingredient.

> Only that there are many ways to demonstrate and be committed to a person. And we don't need to use the word marriage for all of them. > The legal recognization by a church or government is one version, but not the key ingredient. The covenant with god has been a key ingredient for centuries.

> The covenant with god has been a key ingredient for centuries

In some cultures yes, but pair-bonding is a lot older than the idea of god

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#242

Post by JKCalhoun »

> The ancient Greek and Roman Stoics believed that it’s wise to contemplate death well ahead of the event. I suppose their idea was that it’s desirable to contemplate death’s inevitability so as not to be shocked when it’s staring you in the face.

That seems like a shallow interpretation. Rather, contemplating death ahead of the event refocuses you on your life at the present and hopefully causes you pause to consider if what you are doing right now is meaningful.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#243

Post by jjulius »

JKCalhoun wrote: post #242

> The ancient Greek and Roman Stoics believed that it’s wise to contemplate death well ahead of the event. I suppose their idea was that it’s desirable to contemplate death’s inevitability so as not to be shocked when it’s staring you in the face. That seems like a shallow interpretation. Rather, contemplating death ahead of the event refocuses you on your life at the present and hopefully causes you pause to conside…

>Rather...

I think both ideas can be true at the same time.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#244

Post by Workaccount2 »

ErigmolCt wrote: post #87
ropable wrote: post #36

> what an outsized role is played by luck This speaks to me. So much of our life circumstances are beyond our control (parents, genetics, geography, society, wider economy, etc.) It's humbling, how much of our success or failure is influenced by pure chance.

It's wild how much of what we chalk up to merit is really just the invisible scaffolding of luck: being born in the right place, with the right wiring, at the right time...

It seems most likely that we do not have free will, and the implication would be that it's all just luck.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#245

Post by tsoukase »

ropable wrote: post #36

> what an outsized role is played by luck This speaks to me. So much of our life circumstances are beyond our control (parents, genetics, geography, society, wider economy, etc.) It's humbling, how much of our success or failure is influenced by pure chance.

Between pure "luck" and personal struggle during a lifetime there lies a whole lot of dexterities that psychology, evolution and education cannot decide if they are developed due to luck or struggle. Like intelligence, intuition, talent, self confidence etc. And this fuzzy grey zone is the majority of our basis.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#246

Post by nervousvarun »

isolli wrote: post #72
Kurtz79 wrote: post #40

Since he might not be known to most (especially a younger audience), the author is a writer best known for many of the Choose Your Own Adventure books that were hugely successful in the 80s. Jimmy Maher wrote about them recently https://www.filfre.net/2025/09/choose-your-own-adventure/

Thanks for sharing. This part resonated :) "Today, it’s all too easy to see all of the limitations and infelicities of The Cave of Time and its successors: a book of 115 pages that had, as it proudly trumpeted on the cover, 40 possible endings meant that the sum total of any given adventure wasn’t likely to span more than about three choices if you were lucky. But to a lonely, hyper-imaginative eight-year-old, none o…

These books were incredibly important to me as an 80s kid. Was a voracious reader in general but absolutely loved these because they had replay value! I remember scouring through these on long family trips in the car to find every possible ending.

The parallels with modern video games are obvious.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#247

Post by isolli »

nervousvarun wrote: post #246
isolli wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks for sharing. This part resonated :) "Today, it’s all too easy to see all of the limitations and infelicities of The Cave of Time and its successors: a book of 115 pages that had, as it proudly trumpeted on the cover, 40 possible endings meant that the sum total of any given adventure wasn’t likely to span more than about three choices if you were lucky. But to a lonely, hyper-imaginative eight-year-old, none o…

These books were incredibly important to me as an 80s kid. Was a voracious reader in general but absolutely loved these because they had replay value! I remember scouring through these on long family trips in the car to find every possible ending. The parallels with modern video games are obvious.

In fact, this inspired me to buy such a book for my 9-yo son! They've grown in size, apparently (250-300 pages). Let's see how, in the age of omnipresent screens, he likes it :)

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#248

Post by nlitened »

larksimian wrote: post #118
a_bonobo wrote: post #104

>Once you’ve achieved that — once you are virtuously selfconstituted — you will be self-assured and have reason to be so. You will be emotionally invulnerable to being pushed around. I don't feel that's true? I am currently in a massive turmoil at work because my line-manager is breaking all ethics rules, with higher leadership caring little. Because I try to follow my values I've spoken up numerous times and all I g…

I was thinking along parallel lines. If you have fuck-you money then sure: you just leave when asked to do something imoral. But if you are materially dependent on the job then you have battling imperatives that will stress you. The first thought that popped into my head here was, "well I have no kids, so yeah if forced to choose between job and morality I'd just bounce and figure it out later". But if I DID have dep…

> But if you are materially dependent on the job then you have battling imperatives that will stress you

I would like to offer a different perspective for you.

I’ve never been shouted at in my work life. And I also know a few people who complain about being shouted at, at all places of work they’ve had — and it’s difficult for me to empathize with them.

At some point I understood that I never allowed my coworkers or managers to shout at me, and in the rare occasions when their voice was raised, I had made myself very clear, and I quit on the spot had the situation ever happened again. As a result, I’ve always had very pleasant and respectful working conditions, with self-respecting people who I know will quit if abused, so I treat them with respect as well.

On the other hand, people who endure humiliation by imagining contrived moral dilemmas about why it’s good and right for them to continue suffering — suffer for decades wherever they are employed, as they seem to filter out and stick to workplaces where this is acceptable.

Are there really no jobs for your talent where you can be moral, or you’re prepared to endure immorality (and to be faithful employee to such businesses) until you’re old and frail?

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#249

Post by steveBK123 »

grumbelbart2 wrote: post #207
steveBK123 wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well the other way to look at it is beyond initial conditions luck. You get to take swings every day and luck plays a role there. So keep moving forwards, flipping the coin in life.

The bigger picture is though that taking swings every day also requires a bit of "luck". Some people just don't have the energy, education, mindset, or environment. It's easy to assume it would be in our control, but if you're just tired all day every day because, say, your hormone balance is off and no one can tell you why, you might statistically accomplish less than others.

People need to adopt a mindset that no one is coming to save them and have a bias for action.

You can go to the doctor. You can move somewhere with better jobs. You can learn stuff online.

Obviously any of these things are harder or easier for some people, but no matter what level you are at you need to avoid learned helplessness.

Re: Nine things I learned in ninety years

#250

Post by [deleted] »

vladms wrote: post #114
ropable wrote: post #36

> what an outsized role is played by luck This speaks to me. So much of our life circumstances are beyond our control (parents, genetics, geography, society, wider economy, etc.) It's humbling, how much of our success or failure is influenced by pure chance.

While strictly true, I wonder what does this sentence generates in the minds of the readers. I personally would prefer other formulations, because while I agree with the core, I think this idea should just reduce frustration if you don't succeed, while I am afraid it can be used as an excuse for not trying. Yes, you need luck, but if you never get out of your room/street/neighborhood/city/country, you might have less…

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