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What really happens inside a dating app

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Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#241

Post by _the_inflator »

RobotToaster wrote: post #227

Retention is a terrible metric for a dating app. The "perfect" dating app would have a 0% retention rate since the first person you meet would be your "ideal partner". It's tantamount to measuring a hospital's performance by it's retention rate.

That's not a business model. Creating opportunities to mate, not to therapy. ;)

Managed Dissatisfaction, FOMO, Abundance: And the users want it. That's what the data shows. Proof: essentially, every app is a dating app covered up as "social features."

Apple just entered the dating app market.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#242

Post by eudhxhdhsb32 »

omegadjc1978 wrote: post #167

Dating apps are scams. The developer is out to make money, which happens through subscription renewals. Profile visibility means nothing. Messages mean nothing. You can send message after message after message, but unless you have spent enough money or are onenof the lucky ones that the system allows through, your profile is not shown to anyone but bots. Want to test this? Remove your image from your profiles on soci…

Your complaints are highly exaggerated.

Anecdotal, but more than enough data to disprove your point, over the last 8 years I've used multiple dating apps, never paid a dime, and have been on somewhere around 400 first dates.

I'd also add that my match rate with bots or scammers is very low, certainly under 10%.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#243

Post by gizajob »

jumploops wrote: post #118

We built a dating app and saw these same metrics. Our "twist" was that anyone could be a matchmaker, pairing other people (in addition to our recommendation engine). An interesting thing happened: lot's of people just like using dating apps in a voyeuristic way, with no intention of dating. Tinder eventually launched this feature, but it fell flat. I still think there's merit to human-based recs over "AI" matchmakers…

I daydreamed a dating app once where all the matching was done by tween girls at pyjama parties, and everyone signing up had to abide by the matches provided. I reckon the young ladies would have a very high hit rate of who was meant to be with who.

And while I’m here, OKCupid when it existed as mostly a website around 2013 was probably the best actual dating app and attempt to provide a decent enough platform for people to express themselves, and the question answering section where it would then deliver a compatibility rating was really good. But then the churn and being bought by Match completely killed it. OKC was the first dating platform that seemed like it was genuinely designed to work.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#244

Post by gizajob »

lowdest wrote: post #168
ketzo wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think they’re pretty close to global max on “relationship-flavored entertainment app for single adults” Optima for “stable-relationship-forming app” are yet to be discovered — and also, I think, to really be sought at all

OKCupid was doing pretty well at this until they were acquired.

Yeah I just mentioned this in a different comment. OKC stunned me when it came out because it seemed so interesting and effective. I met my ex-wife on there! Ha.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#245

Post by gizajob »

ebiester wrote: post #38
ramoz wrote: post #2

> To me, if you are a guy on a dating app and your pictures are not taken by a professional photographer then you are losing your time, and if you are paying you are also throwing your money. Don't do this. You need good pictures that convey attractiveness (looks, as well as personality). Using professional photos conveys neediness & a level of desperation hidden under a shell of an ego the shot tries to portray. So…

Don't get a professional headshot, of course! But you absolutely should have someone who knows how to make you look as good as possible in a natural environment. You should also have a woman friend critically evaluate your profile. (If you don't have a friend you trust, you should first make sure you can make trusted friends with women who will tell you the truth.)

There should be an app where you can find a woman friend to assess your pictures for a dating app.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#246

Post by gizajob »

eudhxhdhsb32 wrote: post #242
omegadjc1978 wrote: post #167

Dating apps are scams. The developer is out to make money, which happens through subscription renewals. Profile visibility means nothing. Messages mean nothing. You can send message after message after message, but unless you have spent enough money or are onenof the lucky ones that the system allows through, your profile is not shown to anyone but bots. Want to test this? Remove your image from your profiles on soci…

Your complaints are highly exaggerated. Anecdotal, but more than enough data to disprove your point, over the last 8 years I've used multiple dating apps, never paid a dime, and have been on somewhere around 400 first dates. I'd also add that my match rate with bots or scammers is very low, certainly under 10%.

Are you still on dating apps? And was your initial intention to find an amazing gf, or just play the field? Not poking just curious.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#247

Post by Stratoscope »

My best dating apps lately have been Trader Joe's and Ducky's Car Wash.

I wear aloha shirts every day, and nearly every time I go to TJ's, someone asks me where they can find a particular item. It may be a guy or a gal, but I am always happy to help a neighbor find what they need.

That is not the reason I wear aloha shirts. I just love these shirts! Every spring I get the Cooke Street shirts at Costco, one of each new pattern.

One time at the Menlo Park Trader Joe's I was talking with the guy restocking the freezer section. He said, "Nice aloha shirt! I bet people sometimes think you work here."

Sure enough, a minute later a young lady walked up to me and asked if we had organic bread. I walked her over to the bread section and pointed out the organic breads.

Later I caught up with the freezer guy again and told him "you were right!"

Ducky's, for those unfamiliar, is a car wash with several locations on the SF Peninsula. Even if you just get an exterior wash, after you go through the tunnel they hand dry your car.

There is a waiting area outside with a dozen chairs, and it takes 5-10 minutes before your car is ready.

And you never know who you might run into there!

The key to this, of course, is to be outgoing and friendly, and open to surprises.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#248

Post by cultofmetatron »

feverzsj wrote: post #229

Women are selective in their very nature, while men are competitive.

yes and no. I've been to a few countries where beautiful women are everywhere and being pretty doesnt afford you as many advantages as it does in america. If you come in with education, a sense of integrity and can carry a conversation, girls can and do get competitive with each other for your attention.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#249

Post by yieldcrv »

> most guys don't open the profiles of a girl, and girls open much more often but more for discarding a user than for looking for more information

this is a factor of why it is a loosing strategy to do dinner, drinks and coffee dates

first the user experience is an arduous interview that is reliant on a “spark” that leaves too much to chance

secondly, the ask is for somewhere you can hear each other, “get to know each other”, and have one foot out the door easily to leave

on the woman’s side…. its the same as this article is saying: for disqualifying, not qualifying.

for the guys side, whatever your goal is, would be accomplished by disregarding the woman’s preference. in reality, she likely did go on a more elaborate and rambunctious date, generated endorphins (the spark), got more intimate than her risk models dictate, and then realized she didn't know the guy.

if you want any of that to happen, be like the other guy

it is optimal to be like the 5% guy that is closing with women. if you cannot replicate that on dating apps, you may be able to with other in person approaches and date ideas

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#250

Post by pbmonster »

gamedever wrote: post #52
mettamage wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

6 out of 10 male here (on looks), if that. Got about 300 matches, because I understand social systems and have a hacker mindset. Ultimately, met my wife after 30 dates. Didn't expect that. > Throwing money at apps works. I'm not going to go into details because my opinion is not based on anything other than my opinion, but I found that the more I spent on the apps, the more dates I would get. I've experienced that to…

> Got about 300 matches Number of people I'm interested * Number of people who respond (1 / 60) * (1 / 60) = 3600 people to get one match. Times 300 = 1.08 million profiles I'd have to view. Maybe you like 1 of 6? (is it that high, for most people I don' think so). And you manage to get a response from 1 of 10 (because I'd expect the other side to also be at best 1 of 6 + less likely to respond) So, that's basically…

> (1 / 60) * (1 / 60) = 3600 people to get one match.

What are those numbers? According to the article, those numbers should be (1 / 4) * (1 / 25) if we use the median man randomly matching with the median woman, respectively.

Those numbers will trend much higher, if both of them are attractive, of course. In the long tails plottet for the article, there are still quite a number of men 1 out of 3 woman will like, and there's plenty of woman 9 out of 10 men will like.

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