241–250 of 250 posts
I've slowly become more reclusive, and have been working from home since COVID. I think it's killing me.
Do you have any plans to change anything in your life for 2025?
Language Exchanges.
Many cities have a regular (Language)/English meetup. Spanish/English, Italian/English, etc. You might have to search a bit, but check Meet-up.com
Basically, you go to a bar/cafe, there are tables with flags like "Basic English", "Advanced Spanish". You sit down, introduce yourself, and chit chat! Since I am a native english speaker, I usually start by sitting with English Basic, so I can help people really in need :) then I go find Spanish basic, and will later move go a higher level table when my brain is warmed up.
What's great is that (1) everyone wants to learn another language, (2) travel is fun to talk about, (3) This format "fixes the glitch" about going to a bar/cafe solo, and finding it socially challenging to approach new people - having lots of conversations here is the point!
The demographic is diverse! Locals, travelers, young & old, a great mix of girls and guys.
I'll share my past 2 month journey - because it's actually shocking to me to go from 2'ish years of loneliness-vibes, to within a couple months - meeting some amazing people and getting into a social groove.
Language exchange visit #1: Met lots of interesting people. Later the event had a club/dance vibe, ended up dancing with some of the new people I met. That was cool! Since this was in another city and I was traveling, I wasn't able to follow up and hang with the new people I met.
Language exchange visit #2: Found on Meet-up. At a loud bar, hard to converse. A regular there told me about another weekly language meetup, in a nearby area. Basically, its a latin dance school which hosts 3 languages exchanges a week.
Language exchange visit #3: I found the language learning part great (well structured, rotate tables each 5-10 minutes), the dancing was frustrating. Couldn't understand the dance instructions, felt lost and clumsy in the group setting, I left discouraged a few times - and did't want to go back. Bummed.
Met a neighbor of mine, told her about the recent experience. She told me about another regular language exchange, in a farther part of town - and suggested I go.
Language exchange visit #4: Great meet up - calm coffee shop / wine bar vibe. I met several people, exchanged contacts. One guy mentioned he's hosting an upcoming holiday party and invited me. I went to it, and it was fun! Some other people from the language exchange were there, so I had a couple of people to talk with at the party. "See you at the language exchange?" - "I'll be there!"
Language exchange visit #5. Returned to the previous bar/cafe, greeted by familiar faces (several people remembered my name). I've been trying to get group sports going - and there are padel courts near me (a game similar to pickleball, squash, tennis). The guy partner from a nice couple I met expressed interest in playing padel - so I thought it would be a good way to expand the friendship vibes, and lean into social / fitness / fun activity, rather than "let's get a drink"
Me and the guy booked a padel court, and had a ton of fun playing. Near the end of the game, he mentioned - Man, we should do this weekly!
The following week, we scheduled another padel session. My new padel buddy asked if he could invite a few friends to join us play (with padel, you can do 1v1 or 2v2 people). Sure!
That padel game was so much fun! 4 dudes on a court, with no ideas the rules of the game, just having a blast keeping the ball going back and forth. Felt like teenagers again!
While taking break between games, I got an invite to a small-gathering holiday dinner party. I had been planning to have a solo night with the dogs, but wanted to actually spend time with good people too. The holiday party was last night, and tons of fun!
Work-wise, got an immediate benefit.
At the padel game, when doing the "what do you do for work" convo, I mentioned I'm a software developer / entrepreneur, and help people build their dream thing. One of the guys asked if we could meet up for coffee and talk through his business idea, which is happening this weekend...
Since I'm on entrepreneur mode - and that's been challenging - this was validation that the group sports / work pathway seems pretty good. Healthy active people with good ideas / important problems - hoping it will lead to some great clients/projects/opportunities.
I hope this inspires someone to give language exchange meet-ups a try, and also to lean into fun social group sports.
I really committed myself to solving this for myself a few years back. It does take commitment. A few things I’ve done that work: 1. Start a “Dad’s night” with people in my neighborhood. We picked Wednesday night from 9 - 10pm. Started out just as BYOB in my back yard. Eventually we periodically went to a local pub that was near the neighborhood. When you have kids of a certain age, it’s inconsiderate to bail on your…
Not sure I agree with you about #4... religious groups prey on the vulnerable and you initiating contact is just heavenly for them.
What would make you think they prey on vulnerable people?
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>countries like Spain and Italy which have a reputation for having a better work/life balance Where is this reputation coming from? Every single engineer from Greece and Italy and some from France I met complained about long working hours being the norm and a cultural issue there. If he left the office before 4PM the boss would ask him "are you only having a half day today?" with the expectation being workday is at l…
> I feel like this is some overly romanticized picture coming from Americans or rich northern europeans who think people in southern Europe are lazy and chilling all day instead of working their butts off I understand what you mean, but didn't mean to come at it from that angle necessarily. Less work isn't the only way to have a different work/life balance. I was thinking more about things to do outside of work that…
You still need jobs and money for those. They aren't free. And tapas can be had all over the world. You don't need to live in Spain to enjoy Spanish food.
People in Spain wouldn't be leaving the sun, beaches and tapas to go work in depressing Germany, UK, NL or Sweden for no reason.
Only the most profound reason for doing so will create a multigenerational community. But there are smaller shorter lasting communities you can string together if you would like.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> I feel like this is some overly romanticized picture coming from Americans or rich northern europeans who think people in southern Europe are lazy and chilling all day instead of working their butts off I understand what you mean, but didn't mean to come at it from that angle necessarily. Less work isn't the only way to have a different work/life balance. I was thinking more about things to do outside of work that…
>I was thinking more about things to do outside of work You still need jobs and money for those. They aren't free. And tapas can be had all over the world. You don't need to live in Spain to enjoy Spanish food. People in Spain wouldn't be leaving the sun, beaches and tapas to go work in depressing Germany, UK, NL or Sweden for no reason.
Just suggesting because I don't see it here: foreign language group classes. I would say groups are pretty good for beginner level. But you are trading a bit of learning efficiency for the social aspect, arguably
But the diversity of people you find is awesome. I loved getting out of the tech bubble by meeting people who were learning the local language. Owners of kebab stores, nurses, waiters, and more.
I've made more friends more easily in my 40s than any other time in my life, and I'm a relatively quiet and disagreeable person. Making connections with people you're around frequently is easy. The problem is that adult life doesn't throw you into those situations post-college outside of work. Now it's on you. Find a group. Sports are the easiest. You will absolutely make strong, long lasting friendships if you play…
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> Having to have everything scheduled weeks in advance is utterly exhausting and incredibly anxiety inducing to me. If I didn't already have friends I could do spontaneous things with, I'm not sure how I'd be able to have any sort of social life at all. I certainly am not alone in this, even if I'm a minority. I feel similarly, but I don't understand how working at the office solves this problem. Are you saying that…
Not the OP, but yes. All my friends are former and current coworkers.
I barely have any friends. Being a single father is incredibly isolating. Doing group activities is the key, but finding a group that can include me and my son is very rare. Also, our neighbors are incredibly impolite. We're hoping to move homes soon, and I am hoping the change in perspective will have a good impact. So I would add neighborhood community also has an impact on socializing.