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My Time Working at Stripe

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Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#241

Post by Tainnor »

random42 wrote: post #132
Tainnor wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Well, the manager asked only for “10% more vulnerable”. And they have absolutely no right to do that. "Being vulnerable" is not part of any job description.

Making high performance teams is part of their job description though, and there is research to indicate that teams with strong social bonds perform better.

Yeah but you don't form strong social bonds through awkward team exercises. The best team I worked on was super high performing and we did end up sharing personal stuff on our spare time eventually (and some of us are still friends years later). That all happened organically.

What didn't work, however, was the office manager's increasingly awkward attempts to force socialising. When at some point we raised the issue (politely!) that this was often distracting, he became offended and lashed out. We later also found out that he was basically spying on us and reporting back to HQ.

It's one of the reasons why I'm incredibly wary of people who try too hard to be my "buddy" at work, especially if they're not peers.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#242

Post by twelve40 »

molochai wrote: post #107
hosteur wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Probably because of the power asymmetry.

Power asymmetry and also group pressure. There is still plenty of tacit pressure to share despite the "optional" caveat. Someone who says directly "I don't like this, no thank you" even in very deferential words will garner some degree of negativity, either from the manager or the group. Same for someone who shares too much and winds up sobbing, or someone who shares a vulnerability inconsequential in comparison to w…

I don't even know how I would react if i was caught off-guard with a stupid question like that out of the blue with everyone watching. On a good day, I would probably laugh it off and say something obviously idiotic like "my vulnerability is that i work too hard" to indicate that I don't find this amusing. On a bad day, caught off-guard, I might actually take the bait, "become vulnerable" and blurt out something far more stupid in front of everybody.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#244

Post by vunderba »

I remember the moment when my buddy Slacked me saying that my shipped email had been one of Patrick’s tabs in a Friday Fireside. I hadn’t attended because I was too busy trying to work more. My email admired by a billionaire? Bliss. The thought of Patrick noticing me felt unbelievably good.

Oof. Allowing other people to dictate your own self-worth is always a bad sign. I'll take a five figure bonus pay out over a "good job old boy" pat on the back any day.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#245

Post by Tainnor »

elygre wrote: post #215
captnObvious wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It sounded like an optional request not a command. I’ve managed and I’ve been managed and the relationship ships I’ve built along the way are deep enough to have conversations like these. We’re doing life with this people it’s not a dystopian novel about capitalism. If you have a genuine person as your boss moments like these help form friendships, and don’t feel like a dark Dilbert comic. Friendships increase team c…

Thank you for this comment. I know the US is different from where I live, but the distrust shown in other comments just made me very depressed.

This has nothing to do with it. I'm not from the US and I find this deeply unprofessional.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#246

Post by toomuchtodo »

vunderba wrote: post #244

I remember the moment when my buddy Slacked me saying that my shipped email had been one of Patrick’s tabs in a Friday Fireside. I hadn’t attended because I was too busy trying to work more. My email admired by a billionaire? Bliss. The thought of Patrick noticing me felt unbelievably good. Oof. Allowing other people to dictate your own self-worth is always a bad sign. I'll take a five figure bonus pay out over a "go…

Hard learned lessons for some. The money is the validation, anything else is a call for therapy or more support from loved ones.

https://thecontextofthings.com/2014/10/15/don-draper-thats-w...

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#247

Post by whutmuffin »

Nashooo wrote: post #127
cpursley wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s pretty nuts, putting out your dirty laundry in public is a surefire way to self sabotage - especially in a work setting. In American culture, there’s a lot of “positive self help” talk about being open about these things. But the reality is - it actually just provides drama and ammunition to people who might not have your best interests at heart. Some things are best kept between your close trusted friends and f…

In what way is this ever providing someone with 'ammunition' and how is this self-sabotage? What are you afraid someone would do with this kind of information? Reading this comment and others feels like people have read a bit too much Sun Tzu and are treating what could be collegiality as warfare.

Maybe you’ve never worked at a company like this. Did you not see the note about his perf review, which had nothing to do with his performance (the actual outcome) but instead had random negative feedback? Like not involving coworkers enough? What if your “confession” indicated that you have a hard time opening up and involving others? Couching your feedback in a personal insecurity makes it far less likely it will be challenged since the person already has a complex about it.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#248

Post by cloverich »

nunez wrote: post #231
eddd-ddde wrote: post #173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Everything in life needs a healthy amount of "fuck it" attitude. The second I learnt this and started living by it my happiness shot up and my anxiety went down. Who cares if you mess up, you have to stop living by your ideas of other people's ideas of you.

I agree, but many people in this world are raised by parents for whom "fuck it" is not an option. Escaping that kind of environment is very difficult.

Its funny coming from the other side, where fuck it is all you know. Of course balance is the answer and change is hard. If i ever can id love to incorporate this into my hiring criteria as a kind of diversity, because as a fuck it person i find i pair quite well with those who cant do that; and likewise working at jobs with too many of either type the flaws (and mono culture) become so significant its hard to stomach.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#249

Post by kyleee »

yunohn wrote: post #105
wkjagt wrote: post #92

There's a lot of comments on the "10% more vulnerable" part of the post in here that amount to "I just owe the company work hours, and they owe me money", and a strong aversion to showing anything resembling human connection going slightly further than "how are you", "fine". One commented even called the question by the manager "abuse", and suggested the manager should be fired. But if on most days we're spending mos…

I’ve heard of cases where not sharing vulnerability in such a setting led to others (who did) being offended and subsequent othering. While arguing the manager needs to be fired is a bit too far, you do need to consider the power differential and how it forces conformance from everyone.

Yes, if someone shares they were abused as a child, it becomes much more fraught to tell everyone you messed up two poached eggs while making brunch last weekend and you are not quite the chef you hope to be.

That’s why you have to volunteer to go first, because then you have plausible deniability about the expected level of vulnerability.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#250

Post by scott_w »

morning-coffee wrote: post #178
scott_w wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If I could pick a comment to explain a “self-fulfilling prophecy,” it would be this one right here.

Exactly... if you want to be miserable at work, by all means, "slack off as much as possible". I think we forget the big picture that "no one gets out alive" and that it's up to each of us to spend the time we have in a way that makes us happy. If you can afford to not spend 1/3 of your time at a job in order to fund the remaining 2/3 of your existence, lucky you! But if not, choosing to slack off at a job you hate i…

That’s my opinion, too. I also find that by taking this attitude, you guarantee that you’ll only end up working jobs that confirm your worldview. I have friends who think my work experience is a wild fluke.
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