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Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

jorgegalindo.me

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Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#241

Post by spacecadet »

therobots927 wrote: post #209
spacecadet wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Basically, we all have specifics, I focus on RF/Wireless Security projects for government... so you can imagine the sales cycle... sometimes there is overlap and we work together.

Very cool. One day I would like to become a data science / engineering consultant. And I can see the upside of building a co-op business.

In full transparency, we are not formally structured as a coop, the US makes that annoying... We are structured for maximum protection, but operate under a coop operating agreement.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#242

Post by callmeal »

anal_reactor wrote: post #50
mydriasis wrote: post #6

Work is hard and stressful. If we're sweet and kind to one-another, we get through it more easily, no matter how smart each of us is individually. Being kind is an investment, and its dividends pay out enormously as your organization grows. Like the article says, it's infectious. I believe that. I believe that if I show kindness, especially to people who are new to the organization, they'll mirror it right back, and…

I love reading discussions of people to whom following the social norms comes naturally and they can't fathom the idea that behaving in a way that makes other people feel good is something I need to consciously put effort into.

>I love reading discussions of people to whom following the social norms comes naturally and they can't fathom the idea that behaving in a way that makes other people feel good is something I need to consciously put effort into.

It takes less effort, becomes easier, and in time will come naturally to you as well.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#243

Post by swaggyBoatswain »

steveBK123 wrote: post #101
codelikeawolf wrote: post #59

Ever since that back and forth about "East Coast being kind vs West Coast being nice" thing a while back[1], I think it's important to distinguish the two. Because they are noticeably different (at least to me) and shouldn't be used interchangeably. I want someone to be kind to me in a meeting. I think niceness could seriously inhibit progress. A kind person will tell me that an idea I have won't work, but they'll of…

To summarize the idea in a work concept for those who won't read through - East Coast "kind" would be to tell the person working for you about their performance issues early, in a constructive feedback manner such that they could course correct or find a role they are better suited for. The hope is they either improve in the role, find a new role internally, or decide to move on before having to stomach a firing. Wes…

I am from Florida, where there is a lot of southern hosptiality and east coast “kind”. We tend to be a bit more aggressive in our language and openly expressive but it tends to come from one of empathy and support. We tend to understand and communicate well, small talk is easy and normalized. People also will greet you even if you are a stranger, its really nice

Going to the west coast - it is weird. People arent genuinely empathetic or rather, its a foreign concept to them. Empathy is always done through some indirect means, through hobbies for instance. I do feel people on the west coast and midwest arent really used to community collaboration either near as much as the east coast either. Also they are not used to openly expressing themselves, I suspect this has to do with fear of being negatively judged

I also just went to LA. It is such a foreign concept to me how black and white everything is. A lot of people will believe there are truly evil or good people - its such a weird thing for me to hear coming from the east coast - we just think of people as like people.

I think at least on the west coast, alot of this artificial niceness has to do with rising CoL, asian influence, and homeless problems

Mid west is more so like less exposure to international culture compared to east coast

Conformity is like rewarded a lot more in the midwest and west coast, people imo struggle to be individualistic and most resort to some sort of pseudonym to express themselves

I do feel people on the east coast are just in general, simpler people used to simpler things and overall just happier people

I have some friends that moved from seattle, they do tend to express themselves better in text then verbally

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#244

Post by contrarian1234 »

tpmoney wrote: post #92
contrarian1234 wrote: post #21

I think the advice given by the author is a bit simplistic and obvious, but not wrong. I just wouldn't sum it up as being "kind" As someone who works in a "kind" culture (Taiwan) - there is an infuriating flip side If everyone is constantly worried about being kind, it becomes very difficult for people to say "unkind" things. - It's hard for people to give you important critical feedback - People will not give their…

I wonder if the middle ground is when one needs to be "unkind" in words, they should be "kind" in action. I worked on a team that had been moved to a project, in part because that project was behind schedule, haphazard and under-staffed. In our first months we were often (and to my dismay) unkind in words without kind actions to follow through. All of our critiques were correct. All of them were important and needed…

I honestly it's just a "people skill" that's on the individual level. I just think it's in the devilery and it takes practice. I'm not really sure structural organizational changes can fix it - though maybe they can help a bit

In my own experience it's possible to tell people anything as long as you're friendly and strike the right tone. The key is to not get worked up or emotional. Even something extreme like telling someone you don't like working with them - there is a friendly way to tell someone that with a smile on your face

Every unkind "truth" can be wrapped in the right packaging. The usual crux is to not get emotional and not get worked up and to lay out the facts, no matter how painful, in a way that shows you're not boiling over

On a team level I'm not sure what you can do. Especially with a group of low EQ nerds :). Maybe if one or two people set the examples then it's easier for others to catch on?

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#245

Post by vijucat »

giraffe333 wrote: post #216
vijucat wrote: post #153

Nice article. Definitely need more kindness in this achievement society. One small crib, though: > In Spanish, we have a saying, "Maestro Liendre: De tó sabe, pero de ná entiende." I don't really know (and don't want) to translate it because it loses its punch, but it fits perfectly here. Wait, why mention it if I, the reader, cannot understand the saying or how it is even relevant to the article, but leave me with t…

TIL: Spanish has a sort of written contractions. I speak conversational Spanish so I’ve heard people talk this way, like Puerto Rico or Dominican Republic speakers shortening things, just hadn’t seen it written before. tó = todo ná = nada https://www.spanishdict.com/guide/shortening-of-words > There are a few apocopes of very common words that are pronounced and written in informal Spanish as monosyllabic words. Thes…

Interesting, thanks!

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#246

Post by globular-toast »

toomanyrichies wrote: post #237
globular-toast wrote: post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The trouble is "asshole" is relative. As an engineer, I value disagreeable people. I want someone to tell me I'm wrong and disagree with me whenever appropriate. But to many HR types just the mere fact you're disagreeing and not blowing smoke up everyone's arse all the time makes you an asshole. People should also feel ok with calling out incompetence which, again, can make you seem like an asshole to some.

One can disagree without being disagreeable. “From my experience, this approach will have the following downsides…” is disagreeing. “Only an idiot would suggest that approach” is being disagreeable. Too many engineers take the 2nd approach, and then tell themselves that everyone else is the problem when they get labeled as “disagreeable”. At best, they mean well but are sorely lacking in social skills. At worst, the…

I feel like there's a language problem with agreeable/disagreeable and people take the words to mean "nice"/"not nice" primarily. But you'll notice the word "agree" is embedded in there and I didn't say nice/not nice.

Perhaps I should have said conformist instead. Basically I'm taking about what PG is talking about here: https://www.paulgraham.com/conformism.html

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#248

Post by mgaunard »

demondemidi wrote: post #177
mgaunard wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Will you be kind as well to the people who repeatedly fuck up and don't care about delivering good processes or products?

Yes. I will. And I upvoted you because I think it is HN duty to help you out, and not bury you. If someone is fucking up, they are in the wrong position. People need to work for a living, and shouldn't be under duress constantly. It is up to them and their manager to find a position that is rewarding and engaging for them. If they don't care, they are also in the wrong position. It is no reason to not treat them with…

Why would you invest time and effort in solving someone else's problems? As a manager your responsibilities are to the shareholders.

A business is not a charity.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#249

Post by NotMichaelBay »

WarOnPrivacy wrote: post #180
codelikeawolf wrote: post #59

Ever since that back and forth about "East Coast being kind vs West Coast being nice" thing a while back[1], I think it's important to distinguish the two. Because they are noticeably different (at least to me) and shouldn't be used interchangeably. I want someone to be kind to me in a meeting. I think niceness could seriously inhibit progress. A kind person will tell me that an idea I have won't work, but they'll of…

> Ever since that back and forth about "East Coast being kind vs West Coast being nice" thing a while back Missed the thing but what a front-loaded mess. What we want to say is Nice sucks, be kind. The rest feels unhelpful. Kinder to state the principle and let folks chew on it.

I agree with you but your delivery could have been... kinder.

Re: Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

#250

Post by sam_goody »

ziggy_star wrote: post #9

Never judge a man until you've walked two full moons in his moccasins. bows Edit: OK well you guys two full moons have definitely not gone by since I've made this comment I'm starting to think y'all ain't as kind as you make yourselves out to be..

There's a variant of of that phrase:

Don't get angry at a man till you've walked a mile in his shoes. By then, you will have had time to calm down. And you will be a mile away. :)

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