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I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

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Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#241

Post by Balero »

matthewdgreen wrote: post #208
Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

This happens to everyone in their 30s. You realize that "dying someday" -- which seemed like a big distant hypothetical when you were a kid -- is actually a thing that will happen on a timescale you can reason about. Your career gets hard and you don't really know the point of it. It takes a while to get over it. Then you hit your 40s and you realize that since you're going to die anyway, why waste the time and die b…

Well into my early 30's now, and can identify a fair bit with this, especially the "dying someday" being an actual time that will happen. Whilst it isn't massively interfering with my life, I do hope some of that dread and sadness stops popping up. It all started during lockdowns so might be to do with feeling like missing things.

One thing that has changed is how things seem more transitory, instead of something being THE thing, it's just the thing here and now, and it will all change before long. Which whilst it always made sense, I never really internalised it.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#242

Post by chasd00 »

dagw wrote: post #26
asplake wrote: post #9

Personally, I’ve done some of my best work in my 40’s and 50’s. And so different to anything I was capable of doing in my 20’s and 30’s. The funniest thing is that I chose not only my university degree but also my optional modules based on a career choice that I moved on from well before I was 30. I don’t generally do regrets, but older me would tell younger me to relax a bit. There’s plenty of time and lots of thing…

Yes. I'm 43 and I'm feeling that I'm only now just hitting my stride, career wise, with good idea what I'm actually good at, want to do and can contribute. 20-40 was basically floundering around, trying things, learning things and working out what I wanted to do when I 'grew up'. And looking back, I wouldn't want to have had it any other way.

It's like the stopping problem or "secretary problem". When you have the time ( 20s, 30s) try as many different things as you can. In your 40s and 50s narrow and cash in. "cash in" doesn't have to mean literal cash but could be a metaphor for happiness or contentment.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#243

Post by paulcole »

ericmay wrote: post #167
paulcole wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If that’s how a person without kids feels, isn’t having kids just creating another person who has to have kids to find meaning in their life (and on and on and on)? With the certainty of climate change, it feels like adoption is the only moral/ethical way to do this.

Going to strongly push back on adoption being morally or ethically superior to having children the ole’ fashioned way because of climate change. I don’t see this as a productive train of thought and more likely solutions for climate change exist elsewhere. It’s ok to have kids. Adopting kids is nice and that’s ok too.

> more likely solutions for climate change exist elsewhere.

Anybody who's having kids today sure better hope so.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#244

Post by sethammons »

snikeris wrote: post #223
bognition wrote: post #171

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is it possible you’re setting your threshold for meaningful change to high? I have friends that have made it their life’s work to get their city to install more bike lanes. They’ve been pushing for a decade and the city has installed a few lanes in particularly dangerous places. They have likely saved a bikers life. I have friends that volunteer at a crisis center and all they do is talk with people who need help. Th…

Yeah I think this is a problem with modern life. Our ancestors knew only of their surroundings and their tribe. Helping someone near you was obviously meaningful. Now the scale that our minds grapple with is infinite: We know we’re a tiny part of an infinite universe, our tribe is billions of people. My solution is focus. Reduce the scale of your concern to where you can have an impact. You can certainly have an impa…

> You can certainly have an impact on the people around you. If that doesn’t seem worthwhile, try to figure out why the people you’re close to matter so little to you

That is very well said; I appreciated reading it

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#246

Post by [deleted] »

a1445c8b wrote: post #15
asplake wrote: post #9

Personally, I’ve done some of my best work in my 40’s and 50’s. And so different to anything I was capable of doing in my 20’s and 30’s. The funniest thing is that I chose not only my university degree but also my optional modules based on a career choice that I moved on from well before I was 30. I don’t generally do regrets, but older me would tell younger me to relax a bit. There’s plenty of time and lots of thing…

> Personally, I’ve done some of my best work in my 40’s and 50’s. Reading this makes me feel better about my current trajectory. Mid 40s male.

[deleted]

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#247

Post by layer8 »

randomsearch wrote: post #146
Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

> What's the point of it? Live for others. You (and I) are incredibly fortunate. We have our basic needs taken care of. We have more than that. There are many, many, people in the world who have problems that you can help solve. That could be - spending time with a lonely elderly person, volunteering with the homeless, building a website for a charity that can't afford to pay for a great one, building a startup that…

> > What's the point of it?

> Live for others.

What’s the point of that? They are a blip in the universe just the same. Adding one level of indirection doesn’t solve the existential problem.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#248

Post by wing-_-nuts »

dangerface wrote: post #221
randomsearch wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What's the point of it? Live for others. You (and I) are incredibly fortunate. We have our basic needs taken care of. We have more than that. There are many, many, people in the world who have problems that you can help solve. That could be - spending time with a lonely elderly person, volunteering with the homeless, building a website for a charity that can't afford to pay for a great one, building a startup that…

> If you don't get much out of it - don't worry, they will. Im very selfish I get nothing out of helping others but I do it anyway and usually it ends up hurting the person I am trying to help, as the help is unwanted or the way I was helping was unwanted. You would think people would just be grateful for you trying but it turns out they are just as focused on themselves as myself. It seems most people don't really w…

Man come on. This sounds like you've tried to help some people you care about with issues that are down to a lack of discipline (addiction, financial problems, etc), and people resented you for it.

Now you're writing off all charity and volunteerism because of it? Get real. This is just lazy nihilism.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#249

Post by auto »

Draiken wrote: post #237
auto wrote: post #228

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Another key aspect you need to consider is that (pseudoscience/hand-waving incoming) your brain is very good at taking all of your prior experience and extrapolating it forward, and telling you "if you do this thing, this will be the outcome". My point is, you're not considering all of the things you don't know, because you can't. It isn't just about "start a company that will probably fail based on the % of companie…

I had never really thought about it in that sense. This is a very interesting take that honestly made me a bit emotional. Thank you for this.

Don't mention it, just glad to help!

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#250

Post by andruby »

dangerface wrote: post #221
randomsearch wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What's the point of it? Live for others. You (and I) are incredibly fortunate. We have our basic needs taken care of. We have more than that. There are many, many, people in the world who have problems that you can help solve. That could be - spending time with a lonely elderly person, volunteering with the homeless, building a website for a charity that can't afford to pay for a great one, building a startup that…

> If you don't get much out of it - don't worry, they will. Im very selfish I get nothing out of helping others but I do it anyway and usually it ends up hurting the person I am trying to help, as the help is unwanted or the way I was helping was unwanted. You would think people would just be grateful for you trying but it turns out they are just as focused on themselves as myself. It seems most people don't really w…

That’s a very pessimistic view. I’m sorry you’ve had such experiences.

Are most of those in the context of your work or also in the context of family, friends and neighbors?

I’ve had mixed reactions with work, but usually good reactions when helping people in my social circle.

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