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How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

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Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#231

Post by xarien »

Go play a multiplayer game and join a guild. I know this sounds counter-intuitive as how could you improve your extroversion by participating in what most would consider an introvert activity? The truth is that while the social contact is minimal (much greater these days with the adoption of voice chat), it's still more than what you're currently getting. When you are a strong introvert, you need to take baby steps. But this advice isn't without some caveats. See below:

1) You have to remember that this is a stepping stone. Do not get overly addicted. This is the double edged sword. If you can avoid addiction, this will be a boon, if not, it will only hurt you. Don't forget that this is a stepping stone.

2) Join a non-top tier guild. You're here to learn how to overcome social anxiety, not to be the best damn xxx slayer.

3) Allocate a maximum amount of hours per day and per week you will play and a minimum amount of hours you will play with others while doing so. Do not let this simply turn into a game; it's purpose is to reduce social anxiety and have fun doing it.

4) If there are people in the guild who are local (let's say within 100 miles). Go and meet up with them. You will have an instant bond and conversation will flow much easier.

5) Just to reiterate the first point - this is a stepping stone.

Best of luck.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#233

Post by song »

hyunwoona wrote: post #11
0x0 wrote: post #3

Have you tried meetup.com? Maybe there's an event or group that catches your eye.

When I was actively seeking for an internship, I have attended a lot of meetups. I was not able to make friends, though.

I was the same. Meetups are not as helpful as groups where you actually do an activity together, be it theater, climbing, board games, ...

The problem with meetups is that you don't have the common activity to help with really interacting between each other. It's often a presentation and then some networking but networking events at meetups don't help introverts at all.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#234

Post by illeagle99 »

You probably won't read this, but I'll give my input as well. It might seem hard, but force yourself to interject in conversations. Force yourself to try. You might not understand it, the others involved may not understand you, but its through that kind of embarrassing failure that you begin to succeed in social ventures.

But the easiest thing to do, to grow out your sense of social comfort, is to talk to someone who is not engaging anyone else in conversation. Spark a conversation with them. This too will still be awkward until you do it a sufficient amount of times.

you have to learn to not fall victim to your embarrassment. Embrace embarrassment. It often means you're learning.

Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?

#240

Post by song »

xmodem wrote: post #171
hyunwoona wrote: post #2

I had to use Google Docs because my text exceeded 2000 characters. I apologize.

Apologising for everything you do doesn't look good. Stop it. Don't apologise unless you've genuinely fucked up.

That's actually a very cultural thing. But yes, I agree, in the US, apologising too much comes off as weak and so it should not be done often.

This is why while it's acceptable and necessary in some cultures to apologize in advance, or to apologize for small things, in the US, it's better to only apologize when it's really for something big.

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