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How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

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Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#231

Post by asdfman123 »

slowmover wrote: post #154

"dig in your heels when confronted with overwhelming dissent" Sorry, sticking to this one. Call me anti-social if you want, but facing overwhelming dissent may indicate you're the lone free-thinker in an echo chamber. Being that one guy who's always prodding the hivemind with a pokey stick has value in my opinion (though you will end up getting stung on occasion).

The more important question isn't "are you correct," it's "does it matter to be correct right now?"

Maybe you do actually know better than everyone else, but why do you have to prove it to others? You can just quietly make your argument and shut up. It's their loss, and people may remember that you were right.

Maybe it's about an important decision at work, but if your correctness pisses everyone off, no one is going to listen to you again. You've won the battle but lost the war.

People shouldn't be that way, but they are.

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#232

Post by [deleted] »

labrador wrote: post #94

As a anti-social person and a misanthrope, these are all tips for amateurs that assume you must be in a relationship with other people. This is not true. One can be a hermit and enjoy the solitude. My comment here is not designed for replies and social interaction. I'm making it to test my idea against the wisdom of the crowds in case someone can enlighten me about where I might be wrong. I'm seeking information, not…

[deleted]

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#233

Post by nnowack »

xg15 wrote: post #229
nnowack wrote: post #210

Earlier quoted context omitted.

its very interesting to see the meaning folks have projected onto this haha i wrote this bulleted list in a couple minutes as a way to rant about the lack of charity i was noticing in 2 places - my family, where 2 members aren't speaking to each other for petty reasons, looking for the other to capitulate and admit they're the aggressor - on bluesky, where users are blaming every outage on "vibe coding"

Lol, well at least I was right about it being written in anger then. But yeah, that makes more sense - and in that context, those are some good observations.

yea, you were! and thanks :)

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#234

Post by dogleash »

reedf1 wrote: post #23

The other day someone described themselves to me as an 'empath' which was odd, because in the context of the discussion it was invalidating to hear. And ironic considering they hadn't forseen how I would take it. Some people have ultimate confidence in their social judgements and the true sign of empathy is a kind of meta-empathy that allows you to consider truly alternative understandings of the world i.e. empathy f…

Classic. How is it the case that every self-styled "empath" never is? I just don't know. Probably never will. I just don't have enough empathy to puzzle this one out.

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#235

Post by bluefirebrand »

saulpw wrote: post #211
gensym wrote: post #197

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That shit makes me so mad. Bringing people to your office in a truly vulnerable state - they're inviting you to judge them. Anyone who doesn't treat them with compassion and kindness lacks what it takes to be a good leader.

I've had the pleasure of interviewing someone, for a coding job in C, where it became clear within 10 minutes that they just didn't know C beyond "hello world". Through body language etc they indicated they weren't chagrined by their lack of knowledge and we should just move on with the interview. At one point I said literally, "You know this interview is for a C coding position, right?" I stopped that interview earl…

> We could have been "nice" and held up the delusion that we were still considering them, and let them down later with some vacuous corporate platitude like "you were great but we ultimately gave the role to a stronger candidate". Providing instant feedback that their skills were just not up to snuff is not 'nice' but it's more compassionate in the long run

You're right, however

> At one point I said literally, "You know this interview is for a C coding position, right?"

This is absolutely not the right way to go about it.

It's completely fair to say "hey, thanks for your time but we really need someone with C experience and we don't think you're a good fit for what we're looking for", but that's not even close to what it sounds like you did

You can cut an interview short and make it clear they won't be considered without being a huge asshole about it

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#236

Post by [deleted] »

bsoles wrote: post #198
justonceokay wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If any one single interaction makes you have such a response, that might be a reason to see someone. I wish for everyone to be able to move through the social world with grace and ease. Put less kindly: there’s nothing so special about you that being yourself around a new person should cause such a panic. Even if they take an instant dislike to you, that should be something you can take in stride

My favorite Jane Austen quote on this subject: Perhaps,' said Darcy, 'I should have judged better, had I sought an introduction, but I am ill qualified to recommend myself to strangers.' 'Shall we ask your cousin the reason of this?' said Elizabeth, still addressing Colonel Fitzwilliam. 'Shall we ask him why a man of sense and education, and who has lived in the world, is ill qualified to recommend himself to strange…

[deleted]

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#237

Post by bluefirebrand »

DoughHook wrote: post #220

This is a list about how to have a flame war. If you really want incoherent and isolating social experiences here is what you do: - spend most of your time online - overthink any form of social outreach and don't do it - open reddit/HN/youtube/content_platform when you feel anything negative - look at porn when you feel lonely - constantly analyze other people's perception of you You will then stifle your social skil…

The part you're missing is that the people who hit those bullet points probably weren't always that way. In my experience they usually had very bad social experiences that drove them to isolate.

That isn't necessarily an excuse. I strongly believe that after a certain point it's really on you to get over your hangups, especially if you're an adult. It may not be easy but it's necessary

Anyways, I've never found that just telling lonely people "it is your fault you're alone" has ever been helpful

Re: How to be anti-social – a guide to incoherent and isolating social experiences

#238

Post by lkramer »

DoughHook wrote: post #220

This is a list about how to have a flame war. If you really want incoherent and isolating social experiences here is what you do: - spend most of your time online - overthink any form of social outreach and don't do it - open reddit/HN/youtube/content_platform when you feel anything negative - look at porn when you feel lonely - constantly analyze other people's perception of you You will then stifle your social skil…

`constantly analyze other people's perception of you` I find this a really hard trap to escape...
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