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How to talk to anyone and why you should

theguardian.com

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Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#231

Post by Swizec »

johnnyanmac wrote: post #191
gyomu wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As the article says, you just take the risk. Maybe you will bother the person. It’s okay, you’ll be able to quickly tell if you do, and you just gracefully back away and go on with your day. It’ll probably happen much less than you think.

When the risk can involve lasting consequences (especially in places like work/school), it makes me not want to bother.

The risk does not involve lasting consequences. Just don’t make things a big deal and people will mostly follow your lead.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#232

Post by caditinpiscinam »

0xbadcafebee wrote: post #199
caditinpiscinam wrote: post #137

It makes me sad that my reaction to this piece is so cynical, but I really think that 90% of the "how" in this article is "be an older British lady". If you're missing that vital piece you'll quickly meet many people who "don't have any money", or just remembered they meant to be walking on the other side of the street, or worse. Talking to strangers when people see you as a threat feels really shitty (for everyone i…

So be an older British lady? You get to decide how people see you. Hair, clothes, body language, smile, is 90% of how people decide whether they want to interact with you. When I dye my hair all kinds of colors, random people talk to me (and the specific colors even dictate who talks). When I dress up in a suit, people treat me more seriously. When I dress like a contractor and drive my truck, regular dudes talk to m…

I don't think older British lady is in the cards for me but I get your point. One of my friends has a dog (a very cute little yorkie) who I take on walks fairly often. Let me tell you: I get so many people coming up to me wanting to talk when I'm out walking that dog. It's like I'm suddenly transported to a different universe where people are 100x more sociable.

It makes sense: people love dogs. It gives us something in common and is a starting point for conversation. And people with cute dogs seem much less threatening.

But I also kind of resent it. I wish people would want to talk to me when I'm just me.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#233

Post by johnnyanmac »

jmye wrote: post #225
theultdev wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Talking to people you are attracted to is how the human race lives on. And noone knows if you are talking to people "equally" they only know the conversation they are currently in. I guess you could just hit on everyone. Old, ugly, whatever! Then you won't be a creep. But in all seriousness, the difference between courting someone and creeping someone out is how attractive you are to them , not the other way around.

Bullshit. That's internet incel horseshit. Have an actual conversation. Get to a point where your sole, entire intention isn't just to con a woman into sleeping with you, and where you like, maybe want to get to know her. Lose the weird, internet pick-up artist intensity. Like, do random men you talk to think you're a creep? If they do, then maybe it's time to get some life coaching. If not, maybe, just maybe, there'…

>Get to a point where your sole, entire intention isn't just to con a woman into sleeping with you, and where you like, maybe want to get to know her.

But the point of this exercise isn't to make a deep friendship. It's practice. Is this article inherently creepy?

>Like, do random men you talk to think you're a creep? If they do, then maybe it's time to get some life coaching.

If they do, they're a lot better at hiding it. The big difference is in threat level. I don't see men nor women approach me and think "are they trying to hurt me/hit on me" as a default.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#234

Post by johnnyanmac »

Swizec wrote: post #231
johnnyanmac wrote: post #191

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When the risk can involve lasting consequences (especially in places like work/school), it makes me not want to bother.

The risk does not involve lasting consequences. Just don’t make things a big deal and people will mostly follow your lead.

Lasting consequences include social outcasting and even dismissal. Those are pretty lasting.

>Just don’t make things a big deal

That sadly doesn't stop the runmors from flowing. That's the real damning thing about such social faux pas. Your reputation can be ruined without having a single person say it to your face. That's both unsettling and morbid for how you look to humanity.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#235

Post by stevenhuang »

socalgal2 wrote: post #172
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

An old guy sat at the table next to mine at an outdoor cafe. I don't remember what I said to start the conversation but he told me he'd lived in Japan for 3yrs in the 50s, married a Japanese woman, they moved to Redondo Beach and she convinced him to buy a house more than they could afford. He said it was the best decision of their lives. He then said she'd past away a few years ago and they had no kids. I ask him wh…

Why so quick to moralize? What makes you think your perspective on world population is justified and his isn't?

This could have been an opportunity for both of you to understand each other's perspective. That's why you asked their thoughts on the matter right? It's a shame you let that pass you by.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#236

Post by johnnyanmac »

fuzzfactor wrote: post #153
hresvelgr wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's only creepy if you are a creep.

That's exactly right, you've got to be an unmistakable gentleman, which is just the opposite. As everybody knows that's still often not enough, but why shoot yourself in the foot when you're trying to put your best foot forward? I'll never forget the day some sophisticated gentlemen came to my school and introduced one of their big hit songs that night. How there's 5 little words so many single women love to hear, "H…

>As everybody knows that's still often not enough, but why shoot yourself in the foot when you're trying to put your best foot forward?

Because the best food forward of a creep is still a creep.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#237

Post by johnnyanmac »

5o1ecist wrote: post #8

[flagged]

>I guess my tangent meant to point at the need for both general, or specialized, "social hubs", where regularly appearing people silently agree to, eventually, getting talked to.

Those are called "3rd places". Those have sadly been on the decline for the past 30 years.

It's easy to point to phones as the problem, but few can point to proper solutions. Because they don't exist in the same way the previous generations had it.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#238

Post by frumplestlatz »

etbebl wrote: post #187
mhurron wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Would you be bothered if a stranger struck up a nice conversation with you? Yes. If I am basically anywhere there are other people, I am there for a specific reason, and anyone trying to talk to me for anything else is bothering me. I've found that most people that try to start conversations with strangers are really poor at reading signals that their actions are unwanted and they only stop when you say something s…

The example in the article is a waiting room. Or you could be waiting to catch the subway, or in line at the grocery store. In those situations how is somebody trying to talk to you preventing you from completing your task? Otherwise you're probably just scrolling your phone; sometimes I fill these gaps with things like podcasts, but even then it's not like what I'm doing is urgent.

I prefer to be left alone with my thoughts.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#239

Post by b65e8bee43c2ed0 »

k__ wrote: post #36

I usually avoid strangers, because those who talk to you are usually weirdos. Thing is, if normal people don't talk to strangers anymore, then only the weirdos are left, reinforcing the idea that only weirdos talk to strangers...

this. it's alarming how many takes ITT are detached from reality.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#240

Post by johnnyanmac »

mnewme wrote: post #152

It is sad how so many tech people try to avoid every form of social contact and even try to build a society around it (just look at meta)

It's been profitable for them. I hate it, but I can't blame them. They sacrificed their social lives studying for years to get to that point.
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