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We invited a man into our home at Christmas and he stayed with us for 45 years

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Re: We invited a man into our home at Christmas and he stayed with us for 45 years

#231
post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> a lesson learned It's certainly a perspective of many, but many others think it's wrong, that children should run freely (there's a whole movement around that), etc. > please please also don’t forget that people are dangerous IME from a life spent in cities has taught me that people - strangers, unhoused people, etc. - are great. Most will be happy to to help, have a pleasant conversation, etc. (Read Jane Jacobs wh…

I know there's been kind of a counter movement about allowing kids to run free ... that doesn't mean it's a good idea. My wife and I survived, but our childhood involved a lot of freedom in the outdoors, and physical abuse. She was hospitalized a few times while intermittently homeless growing up. I was never quite that poor and could run faster, so maybe it's a social class thing? Affluent children can run free in t…

I'm not downplaying what you and your wife went through, which is outrageous. And generally speaking, it's 100x harder as kids.

> I volunteer with emergency services and hope to open a clinic with my wife next year focusing on helping foster children with mental illness who tend to age out the system and fall through the cracks.

That's fantastic, whatever our debate about the details. Thank you.

> you gotta ask yourself if it's worth the risk.

There's always risk in life, as I said above. The level of risk is the key - the likelihood and the amount of harm - and that's debatable.

For kids, by far the most child abuse (as I'm sure you know) is by family and people the family knows. Staying home may be less safe. I just don't see the risks as worse than car accidents and other dangers.

Also, I don't know that I agree "there are predators everywhere", except as a sort of logical truth - predators aren't limited by geography. There are rabid dogs everywhere too. I doubt predators - which, come to think of it, is undefined and sounds like a bogeyman sort of term - are limited by wealth.

But of course, everyone needs to think and act intelligently. You don't let your kid go down the street where the prostitutes or drug dealers hang out.

> the cool ones and the dangerous ones look exactly the same

That's not my experience, but of course nobody can know for sure - that goes for family and coworkers too. Coincidentally, I ended up in coversations today with three apparently unhoused people today. The idea that these people are dangerous somehow is just not plausible. After the third conversation, I made an inside joke I have with the person next to me 'homeless people are so dangerous!'. We both rolled our eyes.

Re: We invited a man into our home at Christmas and he stayed with us for 45 years

#232

Not as hugely generous as this story, but during his whole college professor career since the 70s, my father always took care that none of his students spent any major holidays alone and away from home, so we always ended up having 2 or 3 of them around for Christmas, the New Year, Easter... They were from everywhere around the country and the world, and it was so very enriching for me and my siblings. I had a huge p…

That seems to be one of the things that some great professors do. I've heard of that convention from many colleges/universities.

At any university, look for the professors who act like benevolent citizens of the best of university ideals. They don't all do it in the same way, but they're some of the best.

I like to think of the university as a microcosm, and incubator, for how you'd like larger society to be.

Re: We invited a man into our home at Christmas and he stayed with us for 45 years

#233
post #122

When you read this story - your heart warms & your eyes gets filled. It is crazy nice feeling. You feel like this world is such a better place. Yet, it hurts - to know there are so many homeless that our system needs corrections.

It also reminds me that systems can’t fix situations like this. The system of “care,” as the story alludes to the autistic person experiencing in their youth, often looks a lot more like warehousing the people on the margins of society, often in unpleasant (and almost always in institutional) conditions. Some kinds of humanity can only ever happen person-to-person, and it’s a great treasure for everyone involved to e…

You see far more horrific cases in the current US system where minors are cared for by members of the general public at their homes. This self selects for both ends of the spectrum people who want to do good and very bad actors.

That’s the core issue so often ignored, we need systems to deal with people at their best and their worst.

Re: We invited a man into our home at Christmas and he stayed with us for 45 years

#234

Not as hugely generous as this story, but during his whole college professor career since the 70s, my father always took care that none of his students spent any major holidays alone and away from home, so we always ended up having 2 or 3 of them around for Christmas, the New Year, Easter... They were from everywhere around the country and the world, and it was so very enriching for me and my siblings. I had a huge p…

When I was an exchange student at RIT and had just arrived from France a month before, one of the admin staff invited me and a friend in the same situation for thanksgiving because she didn't want to leave us by ourselves for a major holiday. I have fond memories of that kindness.

Re: We invited a man into our home at Christmas and he stayed with us for 45 years

#235
post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The default instinctual reaction of nearly everyone to someone who lets the mask slip and exhibits spectrum behaviours is somewhat like they would react to seeing a large spider. The knee jerk baked in emotional response is a mix of fear, disgust, and 'other'ing. OP isn't making some claim that neurotypicals are consciously intolerant. I would, however, make the claim that regardless of what actions people consciousl…

> initial reaction is hard to hide and is profoundly impactful to the people who see it a million times I can relate this very much, and I am "just" 100% blind. I believe what we are talking about is not "neurotypicals" vs "non-neurotypicals", it is really the way society treats anyone with a pertceived disability. We are, even though society tries to keep the mask on, outcasts, and we are regularily enough treated l…

Hi there - I’m really sorry about your negative experiences. I read the replies to your comment and felt sad that I didn’t read one that recognised how much work you’re putting into what sounds like an indifferent society - and how unfair that is. I also hope I’m not crossing the line of too much/trying too hard. Frankly, it sounds like a shit place to be.

Re: We invited a man into our home at Christmas and he stayed with us for 45 years

#236
post #195

Crazy to see this story on the front page of the BBC and now Hacker News too! Ronnie was an awesome guy, and absolutely a part of Rob and Dianne's family, not a "maid" as another comment suggested.

More like a brother/uncle helping out around the home than any kind of maid.

Re: We invited a man into our home at Christmas and he stayed with us for 45 years

#237

Here in Belgium there's a village that's famous for doing this. Currently there's about 100 people there who are living with another family. https://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gezinsverpleging_(Geel) If you translate you can read about it.

Thank you for sharing this.

Re: We invited a man into our home at Christmas and he stayed with us for 45 years

#239

I did this for 3 years for two homeless women. Had to kick them out because I did not want meth in my home.

that's what I was thinking. have tried to help people before, but when they have some mental disabilities is difficult for them to keep their instincts in check, then we have to care of small children in the same space, thus best I can do is help while keeping the distance :(

Re: We invited a man into our home at Christmas and he stayed with us for 45 years

#240

Beautiful story but with a sad undertone. A large percentage of the homeless have autism [1]. And that really sucks. If these people don't have support, their lives can turn miserable fast. And unfortunately it's just way too easy for these people to end up in abusive situations. It's a lot of work to care for people with autism (moderate to severe). There is no standard for what they need, their capabilities can be…

Happy Christmas, folks! > please have some humanity about the homeless In the US, the homeless population exploded , in the 1980s, when they closed down all the mental institutions. Before that, there was a far less pervasive homeless population in urban areas. Being "on the spectrum," myself (but highly functional), I can attest to how easy it is for an autistic person's life to go sideways. Many autistic folks have…

don't worry, brother, come to Reddit where all we autists live in harmony
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