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Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

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Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#231

Post by almostvindiesel »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #166
almostvindiesel wrote: post #65

100% this. Started out with two families buying houses near each other in a family centric LA neighborhood (Eagle Rock). Then it expanded to 3 --> 4 --> 5 all within walking distance. We all have similar aged children. It's magic. We watch each others kids, do frequent backyard/park/sleepover playdates, and help w dropoff/pickup. It makes parenting SO MUCH EASIER. I often joke that I'm not a real parent bc we have so…

I would bet having that many friends, friends who are married, and who want kids, and have sufficient funds/income to afford a home in SoCal puts you in a rarefied portion of society.

It does, we're in our 40s now, but all priveleged to have good careers that enabled us to make this choice.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#232

Post by amanaplanacanal »

dsign wrote: post #230
grumpy-de-sre wrote: post #212

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In Anglo cultures kids aren't usually moving away from home until they are at least ~18 years old. This is not a factor in teenagers feeling isolated. Suburbia and the decline of third places probably play a far greater role in this demographic. It's a common trope on here to lament on how the Anglo cultures don't value family ties strongly enough. I'd argue not overly valuing family ties has been a big competitive a…

> What really needs to happen is we need to figure out ways of facilitating friend formation/maintenance in this brave new world of the internet and atheism. We are going to need some new social technologies to really combat this. I wonder how in your opinion atheism enters in the picture? My first guess (of your reference) is that certain religions frighten people into remaining in a marriage they would otherwise no…

I think your second guess is what was meant. Doing church things is a social occasion, a place to meet people and make friends.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#233

Post by DragonStrength »

pjerem wrote: post #227
DragonStrength wrote: post #215

Earlier quoted context omitted.

From an American's perspective, given how much Latin American migrant inflow we have, it'd be easy for us to say the same about Latin American cultures and not imagining how we could leave everything behind. Perhaps people's choices don't always reflect their desires and instead reflect the economic realities around them. "Getting out" is viewed as success where I was from because "staying behind" meant a worse life…

100% of Latin Americans you see are migrants because, well, you are in the US. You are only seeing exceptions. The immense majority of Latin American don’t live in the US neither migrate there.

You could say the same about the US-born, so I think you missed my point since you're trying to draw distinctions between the US-born and Latin American-born based on, well, I'm not sure what honestly. Your response is a bit odd, but kind of proves my point about pathologizing the ills of America and romanticizing other cultures, even those which are decidedly "Western" as well.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#234

Post by amanaplanacanal »

grumpy-de-sre wrote: post #226
pas wrote: post #221

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So, people moving away is not new and not surprising, and happens all over the world, it's basically the main driver of urbanization. What's new was (rich) people moving "back" (to suburbs for the American Dream, and nowadays to have kids). Though it's better than what used to happen - which was lots of kids, and high infant mortality, plus poverty driving kids to find jobs in cities, where bad living conditions and…

It's easy to blame the decline of organized religion, but it curiously coincides with the same time-frame in which the car was invented and modern suburbia sprung up. Having to move to allow for a family is definitely a new and worrying phenomenon. My gut feel is that having to maintain close family ties and living with parents until adulthood are an adaption to poverty, poor social mobility, and low trust society. P…

I suspect close family ties and living with parents was the default throughout human prehistory. Our Hunter-gatherer ancestors were probably not leaving their tribe behind and moving away. It's only since the industrial revolution that people have been leaving their birth family behind en mass.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#235

Post by DragonStrength »

bluepizza wrote: post #228
DragonStrength wrote: post #215

Earlier quoted context omitted.

From an American's perspective, given how much Latin American migrant inflow we have, it'd be easy for us to say the same about Latin American cultures and not imagining how we could leave everything behind. Perhaps people's choices don't always reflect their desires and instead reflect the economic realities around them. "Getting out" is viewed as success where I was from because "staying behind" meant a worse life…

We tend to be pushed towards immigration because of a lack of safety, of growth opportunities, and no hope that things will get any better. With that in mind, if Latin America had safety, I suspect at least half of the immigrants wouldn't leave, especially the ones who are able to hold a middle class job. Most of us would live in a lower standard of life if it allowed to stay close to friends and family. But not bein…

And the impoverished areas of America are also where gun crime and drug overdoses are the most common. Oh, and don't forget losing healthcare and education services as the area continues to decline. These things go together just like in Latin America.

Moving in response to this reality is not an American values problems. I find the instinct to blame Americans for their discontent while framing others in the same situation as victims quite odd.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#236

Post by lazide »

dlisboa wrote: post #71

Coming from a Latin American the idea of re-starting your life across the country for college and then again for work (multiple times sometimes) while away from family and friends is very foreign. A lot of the conversation around modern American youth feeling isolated, lacking socialization and not building strong relationships seems that stem from this drive. Another thing that’s really weird and related is another…

The socio-economic landscape in the US means where it is cheaper/easier to setup families and have kids is rarely correlated with economic opportunity. And in the US, people can move easily.

So kids usually have a a choice - either stay where they grew up, and live with reduced economic opportunities (actually very common, but those folks aren’t usually posting all over the Internet about it).

Or move to where the economic opportunity is good, but then be isolated from prior friends and family. Those people talk a lot more, and tend to stick out. That is also more expensive, so those folks tend to have more economic backing and/or stronger ‘resumes’ which correlates to more education, getting more opportunity, etc.

If folks from the second group have issues and need to retreat to a more comfortable economic situation, they’ll also return to where they tended to grow up, usually.

One of those two groups is more often to be called ‘losers’. Which one do you think it is?

Oh, did I say the US? This is actually many countries, minus ease of moving around.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#237

Post by grumpy-de-sre »

amanaplanacanal wrote: post #232
dsign wrote: post #230

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What really needs to happen is we need to figure out ways of facilitating friend formation/maintenance in this brave new world of the internet and atheism. We are going to need some new social technologies to really combat this. I wonder how in your opinion atheism enters in the picture? My first guess (of your reference) is that certain religions frighten people into remaining in a marriage they would otherwise no…

I think your second guess is what was meant. Doing church things is a social occasion, a place to meet people and make friends.

From the perspective of my original comment, more than anything church is just a formalized social occasion. Repeated social contact, and proximity seems to be critical to friendship formation.

Wasn't commenting on family formation etc.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#238

Post by lazide »

bluepizza wrote: post #228
DragonStrength wrote: post #215

Earlier quoted context omitted.

From an American's perspective, given how much Latin American migrant inflow we have, it'd be easy for us to say the same about Latin American cultures and not imagining how we could leave everything behind. Perhaps people's choices don't always reflect their desires and instead reflect the economic realities around them. "Getting out" is viewed as success where I was from because "staying behind" meant a worse life…

We tend to be pushed towards immigration because of a lack of safety, of growth opportunities, and no hope that things will get any better. With that in mind, if Latin America had safety, I suspect at least half of the immigrants wouldn't leave, especially the ones who are able to hold a middle class job. Most of us would live in a lower standard of life if it allowed to stay close to friends and family. But not bein…

More $$$ is a strong motivator.

Latin American tends to be unsafe (physically), but the money probably plays a bigger motivating factor. Remittances and ‘doing it for the family back home’ are common themes.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#239

Post by nntwozz »

acidburnNSA wrote: post #139
nntwozz wrote: post #112

“Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.” — Baz Luhrmann from Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI I haven't found the above advice to be true, I'm 40 now. I moved off grid after living in a c…

Do you live completely alone, or do you have family or roommates?

I live with my dog, my family is 1 hour away.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#240

Post by almostvindiesel »

gverrilla wrote: post #210
almostvindiesel wrote: post #65

100% this. Started out with two families buying houses near each other in a family centric LA neighborhood (Eagle Rock). Then it expanded to 3 --> 4 --> 5 all within walking distance. We all have similar aged children. It's magic. We watch each others kids, do frequent backyard/park/sleepover playdates, and help w dropoff/pickup. It makes parenting SO MUCH EASIER. I often joke that I'm not a real parent bc we have so…

Smart practices! Will also greatly benefit the children in the long run, I'm sure. As a non-north-american it's funny that you call it a "commune" :)

Ha yeah, extreme, but speaks to how isolated many Americans are
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